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5/30/07
When I came here to sit on the driftwood you sometimes find
bleached white by the madly shining sun,
the blown out afternoon was blinding to the mind
so the body listened to the music of the surf
and knew its hushed voice before memory--
It was then that I saw their silhouettes distant down the beach,
her nude form undulating on top like a playful seal,
and the mind struggled to be freed from the light
but the body knew what it saw and smiled--
and when she was done, she rose and dashed naked to the water
where her feet splayed, made tentative by the cold. She splashed
over her nakedness and squatted down to let the salty rush
clean her out, and turned to face him. He was still on his back
in the coarse sand. She must have been shivering, she was slender,
and I think she saw me then, way down the beach, watching her with my pen,
because she sank to her knees and maybe laughed, and then ran back
to the towel with the warm body waiting for her naked on the beach
and you could almost smell joy in the breeze
"most familiar of intimacies"
"So maybe what has opened up here is an opportunity to ask what intimacy means to us."
:D
i dreamt i was in love, and when i woke up i was still in love, only i had to realize (it took me six months) that i would never see the woman i loved again, and that she was, in a very real way, a construction of my mind's making.
have you ever touched someone's face in a dream, and held your hand there? i looked into her and then dissolved into relationship. we were really bearing each other well.
Sing! Sing not for the song, but the singing!
Sing the sweetness of the mother's
love I never felt, sing the truth of the lover's
embrace I long to know; sing the sharing
of the act of singing,
most familiar of intimacies. Yes, sing how fun
anger can be; it is only fun,
after all, in the singing.
Bring me down deep with your singing,
bring me into you; share yourself
and I will bear you; bare yourself
and I will hold you in my breath.
I can breathe, now, for the breath,
and fuel my heart with the rhythms of your singing.
Your dream
I have had this dream, James. Recently, I dreamt I was in a relationship with a terrible, sadistic, ogre of a person who I knew wanted to hurt me. I was afraid for my life. I cut off his head and his bestfriend (who like me had to play a charade of liking this man) came to me and we both were so relieved that he was dead. We held each other. The way he held me, I felt safe. I felt so safe and I realized that he was the man I had always loved. I breathed content in his arms. Then the ogre came back to life. It turned out I had only lobbed off his "fake" head but his real head popped out in its place and he was enraged that I had tried to destroy him. I had to force myself to wake from this dream because I was so scared. But when I awoke I still felt the love of the other man in this dream and since then I have felt more aligned, calibrated with the type of love I both want to feel in relationship to another and to myself. It hasn't left me. It feels warm, deeply comforting.
At least three times before I have had dreams (much more beautiful and tender, no ogres) in which I was in a deep love relationship with a man; there was a love and connection like the kind you describe with this woman. She is You, James. And you will bring her through your relationships, as you do in your writing. I would love to read more of the feelings you feel as you recall them from this dream.
Love, Sister Margherita, the hearth, the altar of earnestness, et. al.
oh, sister
i thought i had responded to this post of yours with a huge helping of Thanks! there doesn't appear to be any such response, though, so here it is!
thank you so much!!! it is so exciting to me to read this post of yours, to read these things. i didn't know whether many others had had this dream. "She is You, James. And you will bring her through your relationships, as you do in your writing." this is such a gift. if i can use a tough analogy... it is as though i had written this in an email to myself, but hadn't been able to click send... and you've clicked it for me! is that super vague and unclear?? i hope not...
i'm trying to decide whether to write another huge post (i just wrote a long one called "nor a clock nor a system") lovingly describing the dream and my feelings during and after the experience, but i think i'll leave it to a few brief words. i'll be mentioning this and other dreams many times as this space continues to unfold (we dreamers...), and so you and i will be able to share many feelings from these dreams.
there is a song in which she sings to me through me. it is the wildest experience. i've been meaning to make a recording of it for the last few days since reading this post of yours, and hopefully in the coming week or so i'll be able to. the first thing she sings to me is:
did you know i only visited?
james, did you feel my face?
...
and not long thereafter she asks me:
did you notice that my eyes were familiar?
james, have you understood?
james, did you know you cannot possess me?
james, did you see my face?
...
the way she brings my attention to both her Otherness and her Union with me... the way she draws my eyes to hers to see the reflection... the way she remains un-graspable while remaining present and clearly felt... i "wrote" the song months ago, now (had the dream in february), yet i am still learning what she means when she sings to me - more, now, thanks to you. the aspects of the song to which i draw attention seem to me to be held within your gorgeous sentence. thanks, again; i'm so grateful to be sharing in this space. when i have a recording i'll link to it on the site!
trembling near tears
"did you know i only visited?
james, did you feel my face?
...
and not long thereafter she asks me:
did you notice that my eyes were familiar?
james, have you understood?
james, did you know you cannot possess me?
james, did you see my face?
..."
Gasp! Sigh. I am so moved by this song!! Om mani padme hum. The mystic folds of grace singing you to you through you, singing this deep song of all there is. I can feel it. I can hear it!! I am lurching on the breath, leaning in to hear her again. The deepest levels of consciousness, before they dissolve into emptiness or allness perhaps, sing! They feel sometimes to be channeled, they are the bells of form which form as language (sense making) and subatomic galaxies, and roundness, always singing of oneness, our unity. I love the poets for how they penetrate to this music, how they go so deep into their experience to bring it out in language, it just comes through them, sometimes through the hypnotic love inspired by another poet's experience, and sometimes through dream. Let us dream these dreams!
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We seek intimacy in young love, in the love that comes in dreams, the idealized form singing along the beach. But what about the old, when the skin sags and beauty is left swimming in the deep rivers of the face. Who will seek me out then. Who will see anything but a past, hidden by what is lost by the wind or the very sun that shone on our love, taking away all that we thought we wanted. Who will share with those who are nearer the end then the beginning?
IZZY SHE LOVELY
Izzy, you make the best argument for emptiness there is: existence is impermanent. When we can release ourselves of the notion of (attachment to) permanence, including the attachment to the self that attaches, all that’s left is the beauty of change and the unceasing continuous flow of consciousness from life to life. All that’s left is the irrepressible presence of now and the rapture of aging lovers. Of course, I don’t know too many poets other than Galway Kinnell and perhaps William Carlos Williams who reach into the beauty of aging with more tenderness. Let me give to you two gifts for your lovely post: the first is a very small excerpt, but my favorite from William Carlos Williams’ love poem to his wife, Flossie of over 60 years, called `Asphodel, That Greeny Flower’(I am brought to tears every time!). The poem is actually painful and confessional, but its intent is to bring their lifetime partnership to a higher love through confession and forgiveness. The second is from Galway Kinnell.
I have to say to you
and you alone
but it must wait
while I drink in
the joy of your approach,
perhaps for the last time.
-----------
Rapture
I can feel she has got out of bed.
That means it is seven A.M.
I have been lying with eyes shut,
thinking, or possibly dreaming,
of how she might look if, at breakfast,
I spoke about the hidden place in her
which, to me, is like a soprano’s tremolo,
and right then, over toast and bramble jelly,
if such things are possible, she came.
I imagine she would show it while trying to conceal it.
I imagine her hair would fall about her face
and she would become apparently downcast,
as she does at a concert when she is moved.
The hypnopompic play passes, and I open my eyes
and there she is, next to the bed,
bending to a low drawer, picking over
various small smooth black, white,
and pink items of underwear. She bends
so low her back runs parallel to the earth,
but there is no sway in it, there is little burden, the day has hardly begun.
The two mounds of muscles for walking, leaping, lovemaking,
lift toward the east—what can I say?
Simile is useless; there is nothing like them on earth.
Her breasts fall full; the nipples
are deep pink in the glare shining up through the iron bars
of the gate under the earth where those who could not love
press, wanting to be born again.
I reach out and take her wrist
and she falls back into bed and at once starts unbuttoning my pajamas.
Later, when I open my eyes, there she is again,
rummaging in the same low drawer.
The clock shows eight. Hmmm.
With huge, silent effort of great,
mounded muscles the earth has been turning.
She takes a piece of silken cloth
from the drawer and stands up. Under the falls
of hair her face has become quiet and downcast,
as if she will be, all day among strangers,
looking down inside herself at our rapture.
as you must know, a creature
as you must know, a creature of this blog, real in my words, elusive in life. Your writing is beautiful, swollen with possibilities. Are we our words? Or are our words larger than we are? I accept myself more in writing then I do in the flesh.
ASK AND YE SHALL RECEIVE
Izzy, I’ve been sitting with your latest post for a while, trying to find my way inside its meanings. There’s a mystery to it, if that’s not too strong a word, a questioning about relationships that we all consciously and unconsciously pose --with the word, with others, with life, with ourselves, and with embodiment itself. And what strikes me most is that you seem compelled to separate them into parts, but not necessarily part of you. Whether it’s by being a creature, elusive in life, or disconnected from your words as meanings seem to become untethered from the `I’ who speaks. We all do this, I believe. Why? I spoke about my father’s self-hatred a few posts ago (GLASS HALF EMPTY) and how I internalized and expressed it as projections into the world. There is that ideal youth form of self-protection we all rigidly adhere to and struggle with and have difficulty dismantling without the deeper experiences of a particular kind of Other, as James and Your Hearth and Sister Margherita pointed out, the kind that recognizes and soothes and supports and nourishes. As it is, the less Other there is, the less `I’ there also seems to be. And so we come here, as strangers, with our varying degrees and kinds of an internalized self and Other, seeking once again the understanding that only comes through relationship. As far as I’m concerned, understanding can only come through relationship, and those relationships themselves, in whatever form, have to reflect a higher and higher reaching that, by its very nature, will transcend the very limitations of an ill-equipped self which heretofore has left us lost and bereft of the self-love we all need and deserve. And those relationships, if they are nourishing, will always be in the presence of questions which, when attentively and tenderly held, will open up like blossoms reaching into the radiance of love.
sympathy of seeking
In the eyes of a nun, who never knew a man, I saw the White Rose and the Belly of Time. She clapsed my hand first and then my name. "Darling" she said, "would you like some tea?" We sat in the broad lake of her eyes, in the book-lined parlor of her domain, which she had called home since 1935. The lake reflects my devotion, widens with love at the word "love", blurs the distinction of names: Jesus, Siva, Krishna, History, Fact, Maria, Truth, My Life, Your Seeking, Om effortlessly trying. The waters darken with the subtle winds of Contrary: "She doesn't understand the cloistered life." Because the scholar's vision, tied to the shore, to what is seen, cannot fathom the Spirit which binds the Between. "Her God is Steadfast Determination to abide by what can be Known," I made in defense, for I was that scholar once and still am. "Truth" she nodded, and the lake became still. "Yes, I understand."
AH, LOVE POEMS, HERE'S ONE OF MINE, IF I MAY STEP IN:)
anything that isn’t that should go
Take a melody, let’s call it Chopin’s Mazurka In D Major,
and you’re Vladimir Horowitz scrunching your nose
as if against a window, or trying to smell deeper
what the fragrance you’re seeking is trying to bring forth;
and your fingers climb lightly over the keys as if they’re
twirling a young woman in white chiffon dress, her long
brown hair wing-spanning like a kite, across a grassy field,
as if it were a dance floor, and it is, because everything
she and you need is there, no more, no less;
and you, in bare feet and with your wild hair, sing
the wordless melody, unable to contain
yourself, were it not for you, as you reach
out for the next high note, realizing your grief
if roses sped up their blooms before the sun
was ready for its next day’s performance.
NOAH'S A NARC
There once was a man on a log
Who mistook his mind for a blog
As it grew it seemed
as discursive as a dream
this man’s mind mirrored a fog
TO ALL YOU SMART-ASSED COLLEGE KIDS
A mind is a terrible thing to have
A mind is a terrible thing
A mind is a terrible thing to own
ick R lim
Its only when my mind gets "blinded" by that intense physicality
that I get those feelings back, that intimacy. Only then do i feel
that I can see.
You got me. I think I just got me too.
night on the town
and i can only see when i get the fuck out of the theater where the actors are busy butchering the tragic blindness of oedipus. better not to have lived than to have sat through a terrible performance of so great a work!
in other words, here's a foggy sonnet; metaphor metaphor on the wall... just about now the moon is in perigee, and since it's full i'll be howling all night (it's all just a sign of my pedigree -- why does a dog lick his balls? (because he can))...
-------
it's all so; the water hiked up, and round
when most photographs give to flames:
ain't it as an old memory we give in? same
time next year you'll find an awful sound --
creep on, but regrets ain't worth the ground
we'll never walk upon. would you blame
the moon for your stomach ache? 'tis a shame
about that woolen cap o' yours, but I've found
it's best to take the tide. always been clear
o' that since fog is about the best
metaphor for mind, and since I can't steer
without a paddle anyway: seems fear
is just about as unnecessary as the rest;
just one more photograph to sear.
OEDIPUS' WRECKS
"Only then do i feel that I can see."
When mind gets "blinded" by that intense physicality, I realize it is only then that I fail to see; however, when I see that I can feel, the real intimacy emerges :)
THE CONFUSED OEDIPUS KILLS HIS MOTHER AND MARRIES HIS FATHER
Enter CREON.
OEDIPUS
My royal cousin, say, Menoeceus' child,
What message hast thou brought us from the god?
CREON
Good news, for e'en intolerable ills,
Finding right issue, tend to naught but good.
OEDIPUS
How runs the oracle? thus far thy words
Give me no ground for confidence or fear.
CREON
If thou wouldst hear my message publicly,
I'll tell thee straight, or with thee pass within.
OEDIPUS
Speak before all; the burden that I bear
Is more for these my subjects than myself.
CREON
Let me report then all the god declared.
King Phoebus bids us straitly extirpate
A fell pollution that infests the land,
And no more harbor an inveterate sore.
OEDIPUS
What expiation means he? What's amiss?
CREON
Banishment, or the shedding blood for blood.
This stain of blood makes shipwreck of our state.
OEDIPUS
Whom can he mean, the miscreant thus denounced?
CREON
Before thou didst assume the helm of State,
The sovereign of this land was Laius’ wife, Jocasta.
OEDIPUS
I heard as much, but never saw the woman.
CREON
Your husband, his wife fell; and now the god's command is plain:
Punish his takers-off, whoe'er they be.
OEDIPUS
Where are they? Where in the wide world to find
The far, faint traces of a bygone crime?
CREON
In this land, said the god; "who seeks shall find;
Who sits with folded hands or sleeps is blind."
OEDIPUS
Was she within her palace, or afield,
Or traveling, when Jocasta met her fate?
CREON
Abroad; she started, so she told us, bound
For Delphi, but she never thence returned.
OEDIPUS
Came there no news, no fellow-traveler
To give some clue that might be followed up?
CREON
But one escape, who flying for dear life,
Could tell of all he saw but one thing sure.
OEDIPUS
And what was that? One clue might lead us far,
With but a spark of hope to guide our quest.
CREON
Robbers, he told us, not one bandit but
A troop of knaves, attacked and murdered her.
OEDIPUS
Did any bandit dare so bold a stroke,
Unless indeed he were suborned from Thebes?
CREON
So 'twas surmised, but none was found to avenge
Her murder mid the trouble that ensued.
OEDIPUS
What trouble can have hindered a full quest,
When royalty had fallen thus miserably?
CREON
The riddling Sphinx compelled us to let slide
The dim past and attend to instant needs.
OEDIPUS
Well, I will start afresh and once again
Make dark things clear. Right worthy the concern
Of Phoebus, worthy thine too, for the dead;
I also, as is meet, will lend my aid
To avenge this wrong to Thebes and to the god.
Not for some far-off kinsman, but myself,
Shall I expel this poison in the blood;
For whoso slew that king’s wife might have a mind
To strike me too with his assassin hand.
Therefore in righting her I serve myself.
Up, children, haste ye, quit these altar stairs,
Take hence your suppliant wands, go summon hither
The Theban commons. With the god's good help
Success is sure; 'tis ruin if we fail.
NOAH MARCHES TWO BY TWO
There once was man on a log
who awoke one morning a frog
he leaped out of his pain
and into the rain
and the rain turned him into a blog.
OEDIPUS’ WRECKS HIS FATHER’S CAR AND RUNS OVER HIS OWN FOOT
And now I have a swollen foot,
and not a place my sock to put;
this mystery I try to find,
I know it's somewhere in my mind.
This riddle in there like a sphinx
I feel so blind this really stinks,
more difficult than the DaVinci Code
the answer must be a mother lode.
I don't know
Where we are going? I don't know how to reach across this page with words to say I know you, I know who you are, I know, I know, I know. So, I feel alone. I feel that if I uncover myself, I will still be alone, in silence. What is it that we need to say to each other? All I have at the moment are questions.
must we go?
must we go? is it a going or a growing
we seek... a going, or a sitting?
i offer honesty, whatever you ask:
presents, or presence? or penitence?
"I know, I know, I know." i know the sounds
of familiarities. i've made the rounds
of familial-ties. i've been the hound
after sparkling female-eyes. i too feel alone.
then again, would you share your fears with me?
i've been hoping, maybe for too long, to find
someone to share with. i can't help but hide.
that cover you mentioned... does it keep you warm?
oh, baby, baby, it's a wild world, but here in the silence
it is still. could you spend the night here, alone?
I NOAH BLOG WHERE IZZY POPS THE QUESTION
Izzy, imagine you’re at a barbeque hosted by a young urban university man who feels intensely physical and almost physically senses the feelings of a group of strangers he invited to his party, with a compassion that only a Boddhisattva can speak to. And he’s open and free and playful and deep and bright and wanting to share a certain something that he’s certain others can relate to. He’s certain, so certain, he says, “You’re no longer alone, at least not for this moment of sharing, for this moment of sharing, if you are subtly aware of it, is an opening which let’s the light of relationship enter, as if it has entered a sacred place of worship, an enclosed space that wraps its arms around you, in the form of meanings, a myriad of meanings in flight yet seeking a temporary place to rest, between the grace of silence, to touch, to nurture, to nourish, to tickle, to dance, to sing, to love. And when someone leans towards the lighted form and asks her name, she says, `Intimacy.’”
Still, I do not understand
why this is so abstract, why these large ideas are the answers to the simple statement of I am alone. Sometimes I just wish for the concrete - what makes you sad, what you ate for dinner, when was the last time you cried. The man at the party who is present does not need to say anything, for the man who is present knows what he needs to know about you. But if he should speak to me of Buddha at the onset or of philosophy without a tiny gesture, a nod perhaps I would think him false. Forgive me if I am failing to understand what everyone is trying to share. I want the stranger in the street to look at me so that we can nod in recognition of simply being. If you share your aloneness, then perhaps that is what will alleviate mine.
poetry
izzy, i hope you read the poem i wrote in response to your post; i meant it all earnestly.
what makes me sad is that when i finally feel what it is to have my deepest needs met i am forced to recognize just how deprived i have been my entire life. i feel deeply and wholly recognized: in that instant do i feel joyful? grateful? yes, very much so. but much more than that i feel sad, because as soon as i have the feeling, "i am being recognized; this is my need being met," i instantly feel how little i had been recognized until this moment. when, in a dream, i experienced an authentic relationship (bearing each other's experience...) i woke up thinking, "i've never felt that before," and as soon as i realized it was the feeling of mutual, complete caring, i felt instantly sad: i have neither cared for, nor been cared for by anyone in that mutual way before... i have never before experienced that sort of true relationship, in which the notion of Self and Other dissolves into the unity of love (understanding). how beautiful to experience that; yet how sad to have never experienced it before, how sad for it to have been in a dream. and how sad to stand in a small bathroom in a paris looking in the mirror realizing, "i'll never see her again."
my loneliness is daunting, and it gets expressed as anxiety. in moments of self-recognition it becomes sadness, and then it feels good. a release, a letting-go of my attachment to it.
perhaps if you share your fears it will help me recognize mine.
here is a poem i wrote shortly after Noah started this blog, i think it is right to post it now:
----------
i felt so sad today
thinking were i to receive the love of a woman
i would not be able to appreciate her
i held the weight of my anxiety, my shame, and my fear
and felt deeply that it would never be lifted
even now, hours later
i am hurting deeply merely reflecting on the experience
i feel wounded, broken
and yet i feel fixed in my state, permanent
i can feel my sadness, the sadness that touches my firmest fears,
and find myself sinking back into fear
will i ever be able to love calmly and fully?
is touching a woman's face, as i did in my dream,
reaching out and touching myself?
is a woman a woman only when i am a man?
once when looking in the mirror
and penetrating deeply into my sadness
i expressed, "i love you"
i looked joyfully towards my continued growth
thinking of a time when my attachments have been dissolved
and my sadness has transformed into a foundation of peacefulness
now i look timidly towards a woman's lips
and pity myself
that i may never share what she may have to offer
where is this permanent being i fear remaining?
i cannot see him,
yet i latch so tightly onto him.
i said i felt sad earlier. i was mistaken.
i was sad today, and so i remain.
i am, for now, what remains.
Jame's response and poem
I can only say thank you. I felt that a veil was lifted, the mind gave way to the heart. I remember once traveling to a foreign country and becoming very depressed when I realized that to physically change my place did not alter who I was. That I carried everything with me. I do feel that we do not dissolve into one another in love - not at least after that first wave of passion when nothing else exists but two lovers. We return to ourselves to face ourselves, now complicated by the desire to love another and be loved. To receive love, to let it in, takes acceptance of the self - that is the hard part, at least for me. I compare myself to some strange ideal and naturally fall short. Therefore anyone who loves me must be someone who is as unworthy as I. Is there such a thing as universal self hatred that we all must overcome?
Your response made me feel less alone. Come out, come out and people will see you. If you stay hidden, we will never know.
Izzy Rocks
"To receive love, to let it in, takes acceptance of the self - that is the hard part, at least for me. I compare myself to some strange ideal and naturally fall short. Therefore anyone who loves me must be someone who is as unworthy as I. Is there such a thing as universal self hatred that we all must overcome?"
Oh god, this made me cry. Yes, yes yes. How is it that you write so perfectly the feelings in my heart? Daily, I brace myself to the world, study it, contemplate my private observations; I flirt with it, because flirting stays on the surface but invites a little fire to churn the space of the unexpected. I seem to invite but am actually bracing myself, keeping those at arm's length who would galloping go into their imagined worlds without reflection (jumping out of their way when they charge blindly forward). But then when I think about what I want, the warmth, the presence, the holding, recognition, fire and play, deep deep resemblance at the level of dream and past, almost, like looking for the one who saw the world much as I did, for so many years, through all of those stages of growing, of being alone on my island as a child (literally and figuratively), of living in a foreign country with eyes wide open, of being a lover and a goddess and a pile of poo, all in the same day, of wanting so much perfection, to be a painter and a scholar and an earthy farmer yogi and yet not wanting anything so concrete as any of these. Often angry at myself for not having form. For not having the courage to sacrifice my Ideal and go down into the muck of just being (which is really a sweet sweet muck, actually, it only stinks to the mind who wants the rigid and unreal)... oh because that's how I learned to see myself and those who weren't as perfect as my mom. Those who live! Who open and reflect and are seekers! We are so covered in muck and so earthy and alive! Fuck the ideal. I mean... destroy it. Ugh, it has to be my mantra because it is a habit to measure myself, daily, against this ideal. Who would love me? Whom would I accept? I cannot say or imagine until I accept, as you say, myself.
shared sentiments
"once when looking in the mirror
and penetrating deeply into my sadness
i expressed, "i love you"
i looked joyfully towards my continued growth
thinking of a time when my attachments have been dissolved
and my sadness has transformed into a foundation of peacefulness"
"Sometimes I write to myself. I tell myself what I am feeling and I respond to myself from the place that already knows my love is infinite and deeply present and always the ground of everything else that goes on in my head and heart, that I am already connected to all beings, loving already me. Because I do love already me, though I can be very hard on myself at times. I already am that companion I seek."
Izzy's question inspires sweet recognition on a Sat afternoon
I desire so much to respond to your "simple" (and profound) expression of desire, Izzy. How you are seeking recognition of the feeling of lonliness, to share this feeling with someone. I too get frustrated with the "abstract" as a response to this desire, not because I cannot "go there" or don't value it, but when I want to feel connected to someone i do want to feel the other person recognizes my feeling in him/herself too. James' response is so beautiful for how he is leaning towards you. He wants you to recognize his seeking connection too. At least, it seems that way to me.
To begin to feel recognition starts with our own compassionate acceptance of our own needs. This is what we are missing when we feel alone, I think, our own companionship with ourselves. And then to recognize that we are all part of a community of people pulsating in and out of these feelings of connection and isolation... we might feel already closer to a thousand strangers than if we were to imagine them as separate from us or somehow not going through the same suffering.
Sometimes I write to myself. I tell myself what I am feeling and I respond to myself from the place that already knows my love is infinite and deeply present and always the ground of everything else that goes on in my head and heart, that I am already connected to all beings, loving already me. Because I do love already me, though I can be very hard on myself at times. I already am that companion I seek, though sometimes I ignore this and it's when I ignore this that the feelings of isolation flood me through.
Noah's Nymph
Feeling him inside me, churning the eternal moment,
together we are dancing this dance i know how to dance,
my body recognizes and sings; no thoughts because we are the making and making we are, the freedom of air and sea, the freedom from fear and self-consciousness and consequence, because we've carved out this freedom in our audacity; we are the thought on everyone's mind, even if they don't know it. We are the waves and the sky, the cry of hungry birds, the private sojourn, the rumble of anticipation.
The unspoken boundary between private and public bursts, your effulgence and mine shatter the frames. Let them gasp, I am gasping for them! Were we witnessed? Did you witness? Alone together no matter frames collapsed but I... know how to balance our spontaneity, know how to make sense, do not worry, let go, there... You are.
Dusting my knees off when I know he's delighted and I can leave. Now no longer with him but only I, as always, alone, and Free! and wild... I feel, step away. I enter the sea, grateful for the one like me, wet and salty, wet and constantly giving. She.
The frame thickens, I return; you return as you, and me as she.
THE (POST) MODERN DAY NOAH
This is the account of Noah.
Noah is a righteous man, blameless among the people of his time, and he walks with God. Noah has one blog: Intimacy With Strangers.
Now the earth was corrupt in God's sight and was full of violence. God saw how corrupt the earth had become, for all the people on earth had corrupted their ways. So God says to Noah, "If George Bush hasn’t beat me to it, I am going to put an end to all people, for the earth is filled with violence because of them, and besides, I’m getting bored of video games. I am surely going to destroy both them and the earth, and especially that place on Second Ave. with the bad sushi. Oh, yeah, and Sam Harris. So make yourself a blog of biodegradable virtuality; make rooms in it and coat it with photos inside and out. This is how you are to build it: The blog is to be infinitely long, wide and high, and well you’re a kid and know more about the internet than I do, you’ll figure it out. I am going to bring floodwaters on the earth to destroy all life under the heavens, every creature that has the breath of life in it. Everything on earth will perish. But I will establish my covenant with you, and you will enter the blog—you and your community of strangers with you.
Noah did everything just as God commanded him.
The LORD then said to Noah, "Go into the blog, you and your whole new community of strangers, because I have found you righteous in this generation. Take with you seven of every kind of clean person, mostly females, and two of every kind of unclean persons, also female, and also seven of every kind of hard up poet and photographer, male and female, to keep their various kinds alive throughout the earth. I feel bad for them, let’s get rid of the competition. Seven days from now I will send rain on the earth for forty days and forty nights, and I will wipe from the face of the earth every living creature I have made." But, remember, don’t tell anyone else because I’m God and it doesn’t sound very compassionate. I have a reputation, too, you know. Fuck with me and I’ll sink your blog.
And Noah did all that the LORD commanded him, but was anxious. He had a midterm coming up.
Noah was six hundred years old when the floodwaters came on the earth, and the oldest kid in his class, but he kept in great shape. And Noah and his new community of strangers entered the blog to escape the waters of the flood. Pairs of clean and unclean persons, mostly female, and of all creatures that move along the ground, except Republicans, came to Noah and entered the blog, as God had commanded Noah. And after the seven days the floodwaters came on the earth.
I NOAH MAN
Noah’s Factory of Ark
And he would have to raise money
for his new world,
a most taxing task
an old testament for a Jewish
man following tradition
but he would have time to think
while cleaning the stalls
and feeding the stock.
They came in twos
but really only the select few
did Noah receive
that Spring when God
informed him it would be
a cold winter of storm.
So, he sat there, bearded
and hunched under the darkening
clouds and drips of God’s rage;
The water rose first in rivulets
then streams; day emptied into night
night into endless wet, in the growl
and grumble of storm; awash
with babel the arc was tossed
against thunderous smack of sea;
The creaks and cracks of wood
rumbled and thumped, the animals
roused in a raucousness of zoo; snorting
and howling. neighing and clucking,
honking and growling, in grunts and croaks
snorts and squeaks, brays and barks.
Towards the ceiling, the birds perched on beams
screeching, scratching, and piping in a cacaphony
of notes behind the ambiguity of fear.
In the stalls the animals gathered:
goat, llama and alpaca; vicuña,
camel, and horse; rabbit,
beaver, and badger;
The world now lay waste
and Noah so deep in thought
no sound penetrated; until
of a sudden, out the furriness
of desire, the realization came: textiles.
with gratitude, if not much clarity
how i've been needing to reply to this post... i'm just still not sure how well i can! oh, how i love this! it's so gripping, and i feel so much when i read it. i am brought back to every experience by the sea... family outings from childhood, solitary treks on empty beaches... less abstractly: dangling my feet over the mediterranean, whale watching in the arctic circle... i can smell so many scents from all over the world from reading your words. what a gift!
and i can hear so many sounds, and see so many sights... even my fingers can feel the sand, the wood, the water...
and that's just the sense-experience of this piece (and not the entire sense-experience).
can i go elsewhere? i'm not sure... i've had this mulling around in my mind for quite a while, now, still not able to express my experience. i am quite grateful for it, that much is clear. i find myself excited, fearful, calm, anxious, grateful... i can point to the moments when i feel different feelings flowing around... but i'm not sure that would make anything clearer.
i'm sorry i couldn't more clearly express to you the experience your words give me. it is a wonderful experience, a complex of memories, feelings, desires, fears, hopes... i'm all over the place here in the very best of ways. something about this leaves me vulnerable, and unable to so quickly rebuild my defenses. i'm quite grateful.
the clarity of your in-tending
I began to respond to your post this morning when I read it, James, and decided to wait. The feeling of your response is so sweet. This feeling has been with me all day. I love how your evocations billow forth, effulgent! (what joy this brings me!) and especially love the tension of what feels like your desire to formulate or find words for some deeper recognition whose presence shines through. All I can say to you is that by expressing this desire and your feeling of vulnerability you have given me such a gift. So often when inspired and moved very deeply I want to return with beautiful words and to express how I am touched. But sometimes I am left without words. (Your ability to respond by simply articulating this feeling helps me to know that i am safe with that feeling in myself - the gift!) I will just breathe with you, then, in the silence of this recognition and trust you feel my gratitude too.
And when you like, if you like, do continue!
:)
***
And a man said, "Speak to us of Self-Knowledge."
And he answered, saying:
Your hearts know in silence the secrets of the days and the nights.
But your ears thirst for the sound of your heart's knowledge.
You would know in words that which you have always known in thought.
You would touch with your fingers the naked body of your dreams.
And it is well you should.
The hidden well-spring of your soul must needs rise and run murmuring to the sea;
And the treasure of your infinite depths would be revealed to your eyes.
But let there be no scales to weigh your unknown treasure;
And seek not the depths of your knowledge with staff or sounding line.
For self is a sea boundless and measureless.
Say not, "I have found the truth," but rather, "I have found a truth."
Say not, "I have found the path of the soul." Say rather, "I have met the soul walking upon my path."
For the soul walks upon all paths.
The soul walks not upon a line, neither does it grow like a reed.
The soul unfolds itself, like a lotus of countless petals.
--- Khalil Gibran, The Prophet
one person's ocean...
hey there, noah. i dig what you've got going on here, this space you've set up. i dig your bravery. i dig your timidness, too, and the bravery it takes to tell it so unhushed.
i dig whatever this expression of sexuality is-- this poem of yours-- perhaps most of all thus far on this journey-called-blog you've started us all on. "When I came here to sit on the driftwood," to watch someone else come, "the blown out afternoon was blinding to the mind." i love how clearly you distinguish the modes of being known as 'mind' and 'body,' and yet how clearly integrated your understanding of each is. when mind goes blind it gives itself over to body; there's no conflict here between body and mind, just between that self still relying on such distinctions (and itself). because the listening of the body, of course, doesn't exist without that mind, and the body's pure listening feels like a ceasing of the mind, but really it is a focusing of the mind, a letting-go of the mind's need to label, and discern, and conquer. one might say noah's maleness took a nap while noah's femaleness gazed carefully towards the playful lovers.
there's that tension (between self and itself), and also the tension of self and Other... or, i suppose, between self and perceived Other -- because the tension is that self perceives Other as Other. my tension while reading this poem is both of those tensions brought together. i ask myself, "is this okay?" and then without answering i quickly move onward. "when she was done, she rose and dashed naked to the water" -- i love the word 'naked' in this poem, used three times in total, in the final two stanzas. you almost use it as an adverb; in fact, i would say you do use it as an adverb, both adjective and adverb in one. she dashed naked to the water. how did you manage creating such a line without any shame or fear, gushing with joy and playfulness?
partly you cleverly and brilliantly and rightly snuck the word 'play' into the line: "and when she was done, she rose and dashed naked to the water / where her feel splayed, made tentative by the cold." one can see the body splashing in the quieting waves, one can see the smile and the beautifully crinkly eyes, and one can feel the cool salt-water surprise the system. noah's femaleness moved through her gaze into the being of the creature down the beach and felt her ecstasy. noah's maleness slowly opened his eyes and thankfully drank in the slender silhouette, gracefully keeping quiet. this is where mind lets go of its fear and shame and gives into the "maybe laugh" of the girl at the end of the beach.
"She splashed / over her nakedness and squatted down to let the salty rush / clean her out, and turned to face him." on first read this is terrifying for me, "i can't be reading this!" on second read this is enticing, "how am i reading this?" by the time a few days go by and the textures of the poem have become internal i read this and fall asleep, waking to the privileged view of noah's femaleness.
NOAH, ABOUT YOUR POEM
I was moved by your depth, intensity and imagery, but was very uncomfortable with this line: "She splashed
over her nakedness and squatted down to let the salty rush clean her out...".
POEM POLICE
The fool looks at a finger that points at the sky.
DANCER IS SO IN THE DARK ABOUT POETRY, AND NOAH
Like me, Noah seeks solitude. He amuses himself with silly questions about the world below, such as "How many people are having an orgasm right now?"
i hope
many
(seulement vous)
quinze!
(qui autrement mais moi ?)
We pass the time of day to forget how time passes.
Narrator: On September 3rd 1973, at 6:28pm and 32 seconds, a bluebottle fly capable of 14,670 wing beats a minute landed on Rue St Vincent, Montmartre. At the same moment, on a restaurant terrace nearby, the wind magically made two glasses dance unseen on a tablecloth. Meanwhile, in a 5th-floor flat, 28 Avenue Trudaine, Paris 9, returning from his best friend's funeral, Eugène Colère erased his name from his address book. At the same moment, a sperm with one X chromosome, belonging to Raphaël Poulain, made a dash for an egg in his wife Amandine. Nine months later, Amélie Poulain was born.
IN DEFENSE OF NOAH CLEANING HIMSELF OUT
October 28th, 2007. It is exactly 8 PM. At the blog, near the ghost train, the poem twister is twisting. Meanwhile, on a bench in Villette Square, Noah the Hooligan learns there are more links in his brain than atoms in the universe. Meanwhile, at the Sacré Coeur, the Sister Margherita is practising her backhand and By The Sea is dusting the sand off her knees. The temperature is 24°C, humidity 70%, atmospheric pressure 990 millibars.
Im pleased I could provoke
Im pleased I could provoke your discomfort. You didn't specify what the nature of your discomfort was. I can only assume you are uncomfortable about being uncomfortable, which must be a very uncomfortable
let's clean her out
The thrilling, if uncomfortable, visual of Noah's line is made provocative by the words "to let the salt rush clean her out." I think it gives us an opportunity to seek understanding of what Noah imagined about this young woman's "intimate" encounter with the sea. My first question is what he means by "clean." Was she dirty? Did she feel dirty?
On the face of it, I don't think this is what he meant consciously, because if we look at how he describes her movements as playful, unself-conscious, even still in sweet connection to her lover on the beach (she turns back to face him), she does not seem to feel shame... which is how I interpret "feeling dirty." So why this detail about cleaning out?
In "Noah's Nymph", the writer takes the position of the young woman (but from the perspective of a more seasoned broad) - "I know how to balance our spontaneity". When she goes into the sea, after dusting her knees off, she is "grateful" to be received now by one like her - "wet and salty, wet and constantly giving. She." There is no shame, so there is no "cleaning"; there is recognition.
Noah, do you think you can comment on this line? I read it as a moment in which you are imagining, by extension through the "salty rush", your own encounter at that sublime threshold which, we won't forget, as a subject of poetic imagination BEGAN modern literature in Guillaume de Lorris and Jean de Meun's 13th century French poem, "Le Roman de la Rose." Perhaps the discomfort some may feel is picking up on some discomfort that is left unresolved for the poet?
correction
When I say Le Roman de la Rose BEGAN modern literature, I mean in the sense that it spurred a flurry of poems in the French and Italian literary worlds that had never before been imaginable. It was written in the vulgar French and not in Latin, for one, and engaging many philosophic themes as well as the mundane one of trying to "get laid", it opened the doors to a new poetry in the vulgar tounges (french, italian, the langue d'oc) to take themselves more seriously, to treat of the high and low themes in one space, to begin a sort of poetic integration we might say that proved very empowering to poets and to modern languages in general. This poem inspired Dante's "Divine Comedy" but earlier it had inspired many Italian poets some of whom wrote Italian renditions of it, and one of these was Dante's poetry teacher. This is all to say that you are in good company. :)
ps. I think Dante would have been very interested in your blog.
RE: Lets Clean Her Out
I’ve so much gratitude for these beautiful questions, Caterina. To preface, I should say that line came almost unconsciously (which is why I trust it) in response to what I witnessed. In my mind, it is unmistakable that the woman (nymph) of this poem was, in her physical action, literally washing herself in the very cold north Atlantic water. Everything about her movements at that moment suggested to me that this was part of her intention. But of course, this cannot be all. Her, as you say, “intimate encounter with the sea” is also a recognition. The stunning shock of that water, the way she faces her partner as she washes herself, this ocean of joy she inhabits—our speaker longs to enter it! There he is (or perhaps I should say, there I was) down the beach, suddenly watching her, suddenly longing for her, longing to be her, longing for her freedom.
I am her voyeur—and is this not, in our so called "fallen" state, in the Adamic morality inscribed into our culture, the most shameful of voyeurisms? That insidious sense of shame creeps in a little bit, doesn’t it? She may be free but I, “watching her with my pen,” am not quite with her. I see the joy and spiritual freedom I long to know, I love this nymph of the sea! But there is a tension that I cannot escape—why can’t I be one with her? I am still looking at her, a "peeping tom," ostensibly perverse and shameful. I suppose for a moment, I was seduced by my moral past--I saw something “dirty:” the reflection of my own shame. Your question helps me to see this. It is a tension that I feel must be preserved (or further explored) in the poem.
Then to your point—to my own encounter with the sublime threshold: yes! There is nothing I write that is not the extension of my imagination—everything is what I imagine her to be doing, what I imagine my self to be doing. And for me, submersion in that frigid water is a cleansing experience—an emptying of self. I jotted this down some months ago after sharing joy of the ocean with a dear friend:
--
Out into the waves to be tossed
and ridden, braced against rip-tide
diving through an up-swell
rocked into the swirling dark of an amniotic sea
until surface bound lungs drive back
to a bright spumy roar that slams
concussive cold. I know that this body
is no strange vessel; I am returned to it,
emptied of all but the intensity
of my joy and these double breaking waves,
our euphoric recognition of flesh.
--
I would also like to say that the writer of the other poem you reference, Noah's Nymph, stuns me with her perceptiveness and insight. She has taken me back to that empty stretch of beach, where I found myself alone and lonely, reached into my deepest desire and expressed for me everything I longed to feel. She gives me words I have not yet learned to speak. She is a great teacher. It's like being taken back into the sea, guided by caring hands, to that space of absolute freedom in which I am, we are. How I wish we could be there, always.
"there I was... down the
"there I was... down the beach, suddenly watching her, suddenly longing for her, longing to be her, longing for her freedom."
There we are, seeing something or someone beautiful (it's all projection), and wanting to be with her, then wanting to be her, wanting that freedom which is our own! I love how you phrase this, in this progression which gets closer and closer through the sublating lens of awareness back to your original desire: the experience of your true nature.
If we are through mind dual, in reality we are not separate at all, and we are that freedom. The paradox of embodiment is that what seems to separate inexorably is the means through which we experience or taste our inherent freedom, through which we may realize our commonality (we all have bodies and we all experience the idea of separation and consequent suffering), our intersubjectivity, and interconnectedness. The awareness of the freedom of embodiment is represented in these lines I love (gorgeous!!):
"I know that this body
is no strange vessel; I am returned to it,
emptied of all but the intensity
of my joy and these double breaking waves,
our euphoric recognition of flesh."
I f'ing LOVE these last lines and can't get over them!
"these double breaking waves/ our euphoric recognition of flesh". The discovery of unity in the dual; indeed the "double breaking waves" become a unity in a single action of breaking.
Now I would take the idea of embodiment and break it again and again, and pour out all of our associations with it. When Dante ascends into the heavenly spheres (the physical ones first and later the celestial ones) in the "Paradiso", he is shocked to wonder (meravigliare) at how he might be able to pass through matter with his own body (for he is "in the body" and literally penetrates the body of the moon, but he is not sure if he is a body or not and so leaves it to a question of "faith" which gets into a whole theological problem which is fascinating and I wont get into it right now) and what he seems to say is that the body is not what we "think" it is! The question of the body as a subject of contemplation, Dante seems to say, urges us to embrace it as a reality which becomes less of a problem and more the key to understanding as we transcend our own sense of separateness. The body is "no stragne vessel!" ... it is an idea, yes, but also a Teacher, it is language, a boundary, an opportunity to discover self, subjectivity, and I do believe it is alive and singing, like James' Dream, like your Nymph, letting "the salty rush" of awareness "clean her out" of what is past until she is reborn as the diaphanous human witness through your pen.
ps. Your "pen" by the way is another beloved symbol (oh if I hadn't returned all my books to Bobst!) of the male phallus of intellect penetrating at a higher (or more integrated) plane the world of his own projections. The "pen" must meet the body else it spin off into unteathered fabrications; it must "penetrate" SOMETHING or we remain sterile. Your daring poem does this so beautifully.
maleness vs femaleness
James! Love your comments and am especially enticed by this idea of maleness vs. femaleness. What is my femaleness (as opposed to feminine or maleness as opposed to masculine)? Or, I should really ask, what is your femaleness vs maleness. Are you saying that the need to label, to map, to categorize, is a feature of maleness (and how is that different from masculine)? It sort of seems like you ascribe maleness to the "mind" of this poem and femaleness to the "body." (this somehow seems right, even though im not sure about how you mean it).
I sort of see the part of consciousness I call mind in the poem as the source of shame and disconnect. When silenced, blinded, opened to the physical consciousness of the body, there can be no shame. The moment of recognition, when the voyeur and the girl see each other, partly breaks the shame tension, i think. Had we not had that contact, that reassurance, i doubt i would have been able to write lines (almost) "without shame or fear." So I guess i think of this poem very much as her gift, and in that respect, i suppose it makes sense that you observe femaleness in my voice.
nor a clock nor a system
hey there, noah. what is the distinction i am perhaps drawing between femaleness and feminine, maleness and masculine? well, i may only be drawing the distinction between the way the words sound to me. femaleness -- isn't that gorgeous? 'feminine' doesn't do it for me in the same way.
but anyway, i may just be drawing another distinction, too, so i'll talk about that possibility ;)
i'll play spinoza and make up my own terms... so don't argue with me about proper definitions!! feminine, in my imaginative head, refers particularly to woman; masculine to man. that is to say, when something is feminine, it is something typically associated with women. thus we find ourselves uncomfortable if a man's bag looks a little too much like a purse. a purse is a feminine accessory, one we typically associate with women.
to be more direct for a moment, though: 'feminine' works just fine in the way i am using 'femaleness,' of course, it's just that feminine, in my eyes, is too familiar... i can use it in the way i am trying to use 'femalesness' but it will too easily be seen as a woman vs. man distinction. do you see what i mean?
i don't want to say, "your femininity is shining through your language." that carries too much difficult weight that i can't quite manage. so when i refer to 'femaleness' and 'maleness' what i mean is the female and male principles... which is really just a giving language to the different ways we relate to one another and to ourselves.
i'll give the floor to Sonia Hoffman, a fictional character i love, who you can see on google video, type in "Mindwalk." absolutely terrific movie. (any readers of this: email me and i'll send you the script!) Noah, we'll pretend Sonia is responding to you :D:D:D
"Why are you so scornful? Look, there are two great principles functioning in this entire living world. The male principle, pick the adjective – aggressive, dominating, whatever; and the female principle – gentle, nurturing, caretaking, whatever. What I am saying is that these two principles may have been in a rough balance, but now the men, and yes, I do think it is the men, have created the tools, the weapons, both intellectually and physically, to bring these principles way out of balance. We have been placing mechanistic tools in the hands of power-oriented, patriarchal people. I am saying, you men are out of control now, and I, you, we, all are the victims. So what's the risk? What’s wrong with giving the female principle an opportunity?"
----
now, she makes the clear move to discuss men. it is important, though, not to mistake her idea of the male principle (maleness) and her discussion of the men who have caused the lack of balance between the principles. she speaks of men because men operating from the male principle (acting out their maleness) have, historically, placed a greater emphasis on that principle, and pushed femaleness into a dark corner... that the male principle now seems oppressive and dangerous (to me, at least) is not a reflection of maleness as such, just a reflection of the gross unbalance.
thus, to operate from your femaleness, Noah, is to let go of the dangerous attachment to maleness that is sort of forced on the world by itself. to let go of that is to give the female principle an opportunity. the experience makes clear how wonderful the female principle is, and, in fact, the presence of the male principle in your piece (as i point to at the end of my earlier post) represents a clear effort to balance the weight once more -- this is CLOSER to balance and clearly feels better... the tension is not eliminated, importantly.
sonia doesn't want to rid the earth of men (she quites likes a few of them, actually ;) nor does she want the female principle to be given excessive priority in the way the male principle has thus far been favored (though, i'm not sure she would believe that the female principle could be spun so wildly out of control)... what sonia wants -- and i want what she wants! -- is for the balance to return so that maleness and femaleness can co-exist and together give rise to a more caring, conscious, and intimate world!
A CLUTCH OF CHICKS, A FLOCK OF GENDERS
Gospel of St. Thomas:
They said to him: Shall we then, being children,
Enter the Kingdom? Jesus said to them:
When you make the two one, and
When you make the inner the outer
And the outer the inner and the above
As the below, and when
You make the male and the female into a single
One,
Then you shall enter the Kingdom.
My fellow bloggers are talking about gender and the feminine and masculine, so I’d like to share some thoughts specifically on the feminine (because I can :), which Noah’s gorgeous lyric largely speaks to, at least for me. My approach is an interesting one and includes a favorite activity of mine: hermeneutics, or interpreting texts (Remember, I am herman Ute, too :) And so, I want to discuss Jesus, the bodhisattva of the Christian world (that has since his time bodhied his sattva right out of the spiritual ball park! So much for carpenters. Anyway, for me, Jesus is the feminine principal, and I’ll discuss why by taking a close look at the gospel,
Specifically, Luke, chapter 7: 36-50.
As a prelude (I'll break it into a few posts), I think it might be useful to write briefly about hermeneutics and translation. As a serious reader of texts, I have learned that there is a methodology, or approach that needs to be considered even before actually reading. I call this process contextualization. It’s the same process that I use upon entering any relationship (including human) and requires the utmost attention to 1) my own subjectivity; 2) the subjectivity of the other (in this case, a chapter from the Bible); and 3) the purpose of the relationship. For example, you read scripture as a way to be inspired and feel closer to Jesus Christ. The scripture, on the other hand, is presented to you by the church, an agency from which there is a desire to influence you, and therefore align you with their objectives. It has been well-documented that the Bible we read in English has gone through a series of alterations, translations, revisions, and rewritings, significant enough to adulterate intentions of the original authors of almost two millennia past.
What I think is most important, and what I’d like to impart to you, from my perspective, is the nature of biblical text, and how I approach it so as to feel its essence. Scripture is an inspired text, but one written by men (a very critical point). Further, the scripture you and I read is a translated text, and so necessarily goes through a process which, at best, is open to serious mistranslations of original scripture. For example, in the chapter we read tonight, the brilliant theologian, Barbara Reid, points to the misogynist leaning in this particular translation:
"in addition to titles that direct attention to the woman's sinfulness, there are mistranslations of verse 47. The 1970 edition of the New American Bible translates: "I tell you, that is why her many sins are forgiven -- because of her great love. Little is forgiven one whose love is small." Similarly, the 1971 edition of the Revised Standard Version has, "Therefore, I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much; but he(10) who is forgiven little, loves little." Both of these wrongly make the woman's forgiveness a consequence of her actions. Note that the RSV reverses the direction in the second half of the verse, correctly rendering that little forgiveness results in little love.(11)
Community Bible, "This is why, I tell you, her sins, her many sins, are forgiven, because she loved much. But the one who is forgiven little, returns little love." Happily, the revised versions of the NAB (1986) and NRSV (1989) have corrected these mistranslations.
Finally, the rendering of verse 37 in some translations also serves to reinforce the woman's sinfulness. The text clearly says that the woman was a sinner, but the verb tense in verse 37 is imperfect, which has the connotation, "used to be." In other words, she was a sinner, but is no longer, as is also clear from v. 47. That the woman was a sinner in the past is completely obscured in the translation of the NAB, "Now there was a sinful woman in the city." Moreover, this translation juxtaposes "sinful" and "woman," making it all the more difficult to ever eradicate the equation of the two. The NRSV is far preferable and translates the Greek more literally, "And a woman in the city, who was a sinner."
What about the kinds of sins this woman committed? It is curious that, although the text does not say what sort of sins she had committed, much attention is given to speculation on the nature of her sinful past. By contrast, commentators never discuss what might be the type of sins Simon Peter has committed when he says he is "a sinful man" in the story of his call (Luke 5:7). The usual presumption is that the woman in 7:36-50 was a prostitute.(12) In v. 47 Jesus acknowledges that her sins had been many, and Luke hints in v. 37 that the whole city also knows this. But does that warrant the conclusion that she is a prostitute?
In a first century Galilean city everyone knows everyone else's business. This woman need only have been ill, disabled, or have contact with Gentiles to be considered a sinner by all Jews in the city.(13) Simon's remark in verse 39 implies that the woman's sinfulness is not immediately apparent to a stranger. A possible scenario is that the woman is employed in work that brings her into frequent contact with Gentiles,(14) perhaps midwifery. Or her work may be in one of the trades considered unclean, such as dyeing.(15) Everyone in the city would know her occupation and would consider her sinful from her association with the unclean. Simon, unaware of any prior contact between her and Jesus, remarks to himself that if Jesus were, indeed, a prophet, he, too, would know that she is a sinner.
Translation is not just copying, but it is the difficult art of studying the numerous copies available and trying to select the best way of translating into English. If a translation is to serve any useful purpose at all and not lead one astray, it must 1) be as faithful as possible to the original language and, 2) reflect the mind of those who lived in thought, word and deed of Christ’s intentions (New Testament). For example,
The Greek text of Scripture (both Testaments) comes to us from a collection of about 5200 manuscripts. Many of these are only fragments, but at least 80 date back to the second century and earlier. For the first thousand years the Eastern Orthodox Church knew only these Greek texts. We can rightly call these Greek manuscripts the Orthodox Text, although Western scholars today refer to them trove vaguely as the "Received Text." After 1453, when Byzantine scholars fled to the West, the Orthodox Text became an object of much interest and study in western Christendom, particularly at the time of the Reformation, when Protestant scholars wished to render "Holy Writ" in the common languages of the people. Thus, a Greek New Testament (the Orthodox Text) was printed by Erasmus in 1516, and a disciple of John Calvin printed another edition in 1598. It was this particular edition that became the basis of the justly famous English language "King James version of 1611."
The King James was not the first English translation of the Bible. In fact, almost a dozen major translations had appeared in England before it was published. They include the Wycliffe Bible (c. 1380) translated from Latin, the Tyndale Bible (1526), the Coverdale Bible (1535), Cranmer's "Great Bible"—so called because of its size (1539), the Geneva Bible--financed and annotated by the Calvinists of Geneva (1560), and the Bishop's Bible (1568). As a note of interest we might add that although the Pilgrims came to America some time after the King James Version was published, they chose not to bring that particular translation with them because they did not like either King James himself or what they regarded as a"newfangled" translation. They preferred the more traditional Geneva Bible.
But gradually the King James Version outdistanced all the other English translations in popularity. And with good reason. Many object that the language of the King James version is too difficult, too "archaic", too formal. It is, of course, the language of Shakespeare, the language of poetry which has, unfortunately, become foreign to most people in our modern culture. But the King James Version offers to Holy Scripture the finest the English language has ever produced. It is incomparable for it is lofty and rich, and above the everyday language of modern man. The English of this version maintains the proper reverence, the right "distance" between creature and Creator, between man and God. Modern English has lost this distinction, so essential to Orthodox spirituality. In the King James translation, language has been elevated to the highest spheres, where it serves an invisible reality rather than the mundane reality of the everyday world.
As much as the King James is to be commended, one must be aware that the translators had a definitely Protestant outlook on the work at hand. The Preface to the first printing in 1611 gives their philosophy: "In what part did these assemble? In the trust of their own knowledge, or of their sharpness of wit, or deepness of judgment? At no hand. They trusted in Him that hath the Key of David, opening and no man shutting, they prayed to the Lord, O let Thy Scriptures be my pure delight; let me not be deceived in them, neither let me deceive by them. In this confidence and with this devotion did they assemble together." We can see from this that although undoubtedly sincere and even pious in their own way, these translators were not concerned with the testimony of the Church, Of the Holy Fathers about Scripture, but asked God for direct enlightenment--a reflection of their Reformation bias."
NOAH'S POEM: SOME INSPIRED THOUGHTS
Hey Guys, your responses to Noah's poem are quite remarkable and I would like to add a few myself. I've approached the poem from an ostensibly different perspective. I say "ostensibly" because I think we're all touched on the deepest levels by this exquisite lyric but, with that said, let me suggest that the poem engenders a deep mystical praxis; that is, the poet/pilgrim enters into a sacred earth space and visually opens to the sky of consciousness through the spiritual impulse of desire, first felt in the body as it moves through the pleasure and pain of attachment, into tantric union, then purification, and finally salvation. Importantly, this process, as it evolves through body, does not leave body behind, it smells its "joy in the breeze."
THE HIERATIC TURN: THE SEA AS SACRED SPACE
It is and it is not and therefore it is-- Wallace Stevens
1. The Mystic.
When I came here to sit on the driftwood you sometimes find
bleached white by the madly shining sun,
the blown out afternoon was blinding to the mind
so the body listened to the music of the surf
and knew its hushed voice before memory—
As I just mentioned, I would like to add a slightly different perspective to Noah’s intentionally untitled poem, that of the mystic seeker ceremonially entering a sacred water space with the aim of reaching/realizing the divine dimension. Like the pre-Dantian Augustinian seeker, the poet/pilgrim appeals to no authority but his direct experience with the God of higher consciousness, he who seeks the remotion of tension through prayer, meditation, and the questioning of contemplation. This poet enters into the inherent anxiety of seeking, the torment of the abyss between speech/imagination and silence that comes from having no intermediary. This is the mystic. “He who makes the truth comes to the light.” Augustine’s truth was not a moral abstraction, as Noah’s poetic I`’ is attempting to transcend, but a quality of direct human experience.
The spiritual seeker is not chosen, as if from an authority outside herself, but the choice is made from within, the choice to bend towards the Light of Realization. This choice is a life choice, a choice which is transformed into a mode of being in which the seeker can never turn back to the exclusive exteriority of reality again, not because she is enchained by some law or stricture, but because states of consciousness seek transcendence. They transcend and include!
The image of this first stanza is one of ritual, the “bleached white” driftwood an altar in the temple of sky underneath the “madly shining sun.” “The blown out afternoon” is the mind as it enters into the silence of meditation, allowing the body and its senses to prepare for its journey across the universe of space and time The Platonic is positioned here as well in the “hushed voice before memory” to remind us of the role of history in mind’s evolution both through the body and through (cultural) time.
RE: THE HIERATIC TURN: THE SEA AS SACRED SPACE
2. Space.
I’m more and more convinced that the space from which questions arise in relationship (and this poem is about questioning self through relationship!), when allowed to stay open to possibility, organically takes on a sacred quality. Sacred comes from the Old French sacrer, and from the Latin sacer, which implies to make holy (healing, to make whole). The Arabic word for stone is sakra from which we get our word sacra and sacred. Sakra is a composite word, being sac-ra meaning stone-god. We are both here, spiritually One, and in manifested form; both of earth (involution, agape—compassion), and of God (evolution, eros—wisdom). Why is this important? When I sit in a sacred space, all things are revealed. Not because of me, but rather, despite me.
The very entering-into a sacred space of prayer (and I see the poetic presence of this poem as a prayer) begins in the relationship, as an evocation, a provocation, and an invocation. The etymology of these words—the Latin, vocare—speaks to both action calling forth, crying out, giving voice (vox) to; and space—from within my being, to beyond my psychic center (intrapsychic) of difference, to the relational other, and Other (Pure Awareness) beyond the intersubjective common space we share. But, also within the root vocare, as in provoke, there is the essence of challenge to the other who is my mirror, and so it is ultimately a challenge to myself.
RE RE: THE HIERATIC TURN: THE SEA AS SACRED SPACE
3. The Body.
As the body is the ground of all art, inspiration and intent reflect the spiritual dimension of that expression. Art begins in the body, but the body is also a metaphor (from Greek, metapherein, to transfer, to carry); that is, a bridge from which spiritual inspiration, in the form of physical praxis, or nonverbal action, flows through imagination. The metaphor carries the light of spiritual purpose and in this poem the eye of desire is an augury attempting to reach intention through the double lens of both poem and poet/pilgrim as he gazes the gap between self and other. Importantly, the external world from which art co-extends, is not anathema to spirit, but rather a living and felt testimony to spirit arising from a deep subjective need to seek oneself through form, and take responsibility for what emerges.
The eye and `I’ in this poem speak blindly as they encounter the Aristotelian "ineluctable modality of the visible" (or what Stephen in Ulysses calls "what you damn well have to see") and so remind me of St. John of the Cross’ `Dark Night of the Soul,’ that terrifying space desire drops into as it tries to overcome itself (Rilke says, “My God is dark”!).
Desire is the beginning, the first echoing note of hope streaming towards Awareness, in all the vim and beauty of inarticulate form. There is in relationship, as in all beginnings, chaos (from the Greek khaos, to yawn, to gape from an empty immeasurable void from which Eros came, and it was he who gave divine order and also perfected all things). In the myth of Hesiod's Theogony, Hesiod tells us that Erebus and Nyx (Black Night) were born of Chaos. As the other in relationship, the sea nymph enters in at the beginning of the poet/pilgrim’s new journey of independent consciousness, or mind, which the philosopher Jessica Benjamin describes as “fundamentally like [yours] but unfathomably different and outside [your] control.” And this is the poet/pilgrim’s anxiety, the inherent tension of all beginnings caused by the shadow of the object of the other falling upon him. It is that mysterious betweenness, a dialectic of darkness and light, a darkness that awes in its beauty, and a light that terrorizes in its revelation.
If we talk about body and desire, we must also talk about emotion. When the three terms-- affect, feeling, and emotion-- are combined, the sense is one of a stirring and subsequent movement coming first from deep within the body, yet with intention, with a striving to touch, to (im)press and then take hold, but not necessarily with the body; in fact, the touch is, through the poetic imagination, with the mind. This means that the body has grown out of itself in an attempt to reach beyond its boundaries. Yet, it is a paradox, because as it is reaching out beyond, it is at the same time taking hold, grasping onto the ground of its experience. Thus, the body and mind represent inner and outer states of consciousness. And whether I am a consciousness with a body, or a body with a consciousness need not matter because of the depth of experience; that is, as we move beyond the boundary of body through mind, the truth of consciousness will ultimately be revealed. Emotion is spirit at denser energic levels of experience, and is not only the bridge between body and mind; it is also the compass for directing us toward spirit. The more we feel (stir), the more we apprehend (grasp) the mind and the greater our chances of comprehending (understanding) our feelings. This I call the cultivation of self-awareness. The more we comprehend our feelings, the deeper and higher experience becomes; through increasing comprehension the boundaries of one's experience are expanded and eventually dissolved. The dissolution of boundary is the portal to spirit, the interface of ecosystems of consciousness.
RE RE RE: THE HIERATIC TURN: THE SEA AS SACRED SPACE
and when she was done, she rose and dashed naked to the water
where her feet splayed, made tentative by the cold. She splashed
over her nakedness and squatted down to let the salty rush
clean her out, and turned to face him. He was still on his back
4. Purification
If you purify your soul of attachments and desires, you will understand things spiritually. If you deny your appetite for them, you will enjoy their truth, understanding what is certain in them. – St. John of the Cross
To purify (from Latin purificare, clean) suggests a distilling process, like alchemy, where the mind’s earnest attention and one-pointed focus on its own nature releases the mental obscurations that prevent the seeker from realizing higher states of consciousness, what John refers to as the spiritual. This saying is essentially Buddhist, yet it dips into the dualism of Christianity when it ascribes to the stricture of denial, or suppression. However, this again is likely an accommodation to Church doctrine when in fact the second phrase, "you will enjoy their truth," undermines the very dualism the Church imposes through renunciation of sexual desire. If we go deeper into John’s words, understanding, or revelation, is at the heart of his sayings, and this is particularly evident here. What he is unable to suggest is the method by which desire and attachment will surely be understood-- not by denial, but rather, through embracement of attachment and desire-- through the senses, the intellect, and the heart-- until the illusoriness it engenders out of suffering is revealed. This is the purification process of immersion, deep introspective immersion. Only then will the essence, or certainty of the nature of attachment and desire be understood. What I have found is that releasing attachment and desire from shame is far purer and certain than encouraging the suppression and repression of desire. This is one of the brilliant insights of Freud, for example: to make what is unconscious conscious.
“[A]nd when she was done, she rose and dashed naked to the water/where her feet splayed, made tentative by the cold. She splashed/over her nakedness and squatted down to let the salty rush/clean her out, and turned to face him.” These two lines are such a pure expression of purification, as the poet/pilgrim, through the sea nymph moves from the mergeance and prayer of sexual union (the purest act) back into the sea of grace in a kind of symbolic act of releasing embodiment. Cleaning ourselves out is exactly what we do through prayer.
reminders
up through this point in your chain of priestly spinning i am reminded of an experience of mine that i hadn't before connected with noah's poem; and i'm surprised i hadn't made the connection. i needed a little nudge from a different perspective to make clear what wasn't yet consciously clear to me.
"When I sit in a sacred space, all things are revealed. Not because of me, but rather, despite me."
I was lying on my back halfway between hot water and cold air... and I mean real hot, and real cold. I was occupying both realms, and while both on their own were too powerful for my body (too hot or too cold) together they created a balance... i found a spot on a stone and looked up through the fog rising from the water towards the blue-grey sky.
and then, despite me, all things were revealed. it wasn't until about twenty minutes later when i began thinking again that i realized i had just become receptive to spiritual realization in my peaceful plot in the Blaá Loni∂.
the result of this moment was confidence... confidence in the nature of the realization. i can't really explain to you what i "received", nor, if i tried, would i be able to really offer it to you... if i were to try it probably wouldn't make much sense... but that is sort of the point. you couldn't have told me. i had to enter into that space of which you speak, and understand through realization. it's like this taoist parable, the final two words of which are: only remembered. like you say, i wasn't given something by another (hence my quotation marks around 'received'), rather i, if you will, awoke to the nature of things: only remembered. "The dissolution of boundary is the portal to spirit, the interface of ecosystems of consciousness."
if this experience was rooted in a much deeper self-awareness and much richer study and practice much more, perhaps, would have kept with me. i believe my few moments that day affected me profoundly, and opened me up to other realizations, dreams, and so on. the big change was that i went from thinking certain things, like the buddhist teachings i know best, sounded pretty cool... to recognizing the wisdom held within those teachings. that is what i mean when i say i received confidence: confidence in various teachings. confident not because the logic is impeccable, but confident because i had an actual experience, and i discovered an intuitive understanding of teachings i otherwise can't really explain. and all of this happening only when boundary is dissolved, as you so wonderfully put it.
i will not do something like trying to draw clear parallels between my experience and noah's poem; both because i find it unnecessary, and because your notes clearly bridge any gap between my experience and noah's.
i myself hadn't thought the word 'dirty' while reading noah's poem until i was told someone else used that word. i found it interesting, and i can see where, in the poem, that experience comes from. i love your reading of this line because it neither offers this view, nor my own, but something, as you suggested would be the case from the beginning of this chain, "ostensibly different."
5 down; 7 links 'til samsara.
in defense of dirty
I do not know if you are referring to my comments to Noah in "let's clean her out" re. the evocation of the notion of "being dirty" from the image of the young woman going into the sea and letting the "salty rush clean her out". (The idea of "dirtiness" is naturally evinced by the image of "cleaning out," whether we take it to the level of "purification" of the poet/pilgrim/seeker, or we question the less comfortable areas of the poet's shame around the notion of a woman's genitalia and what she/he does with it.)
I was not referring to Noah's poem, nor even to this specific line (as a description) or anything at all as "dirty" unless we are talking about dusting off one's knees. You are keenly, astoundingly, blindingly, graciously, greenly and bluely, darkly and sublimely insightful and so I trust you didn't misread my query to Noah on these lines (if so, let me know and I will explain myself further). Therefore, I am going to assume you are referring to someone else's comment who has not posted. But I just wanted to be clear (since we are in this goldfish blog bowl eating each other's posts, and if you poo I will assume it came from the same food I was feeding on unless you say so).
More "dirty" posts to follow. ;)
trigger happy
Also, a correction needs to be stated. I am not saying that there is any poet's shame evidenced in this poem. It was "the question of" and so on and so forth. [Ever get into total tail spin where you don't trust the things you write will be understood? The title of this should be "no confidence"... but only if you promise to laugh and get my joke, but then I can't trust that you would get my joke right now... ok that really was a joke.]
:P
as it happens i indeed was not referring to you. i vow to always state when i am referring to a particular poster on the site; otherwise, if i ambiguously refer to some person saying something... it is just that! glad that's been cleared up now.
i ought to have spent a few more words being clear to what use of 'dirty' i was responding. the use i was responding to was when the word 'dirty' was evoked in an offended and defensive sense... dirty as in, "How dare you say that she is dirty?" which seems to me like a sort of silly question to ask the poet (at all, and especially in this case).
anyway, thank you for your very kind and enticing adjectives (especially greenly and bluely), and thank you, moreover, for so clearly and directly (and compassionately) asking me to clarify! (you see, i'm used to passive aggression, aggressive aggression, and absence... presence is a new one for me)
side note: i think maybe "un confidence" would have been a good post name :P because any pun pointing towards the possibility of a typo brings me a good chuckle.
on confidence
J- I love your confidence; con-fides, "with faith" (fede), or "with trust", in what is "true", sturdy, the ground, through direct experience. I completely love this post.
I want to get back to your gorgeous vision, but I have to deal with something, I really feel I have to deal with something or the mystic-priests will spin off and leave me here with language that is gendered, communal, and historical, if not hysterical or hysteretical.
;p
ALTERED STATES OF ALTERED: LISTEN TO ME, I'M "PEAKING" TO YOU
Okay, I admit it. I am `Herman Ute’ and `Dukkah Universpaghetti.’ Okay, but don’t ask me for more than that. I am earnestly or effortlessly or affectionately trying to be real, but I keep getting in my way :) Besides, I love the identities I create. They are all me, though I am not. And I am. Now to the point of this post.
James, that is your name, correct? Iceland and Blaá Loni∂ love you! And that lady, too. And Amélie Poulain. Your `reminders’ is absolutely extraordinary and brought me to my knees (perhaps I’ll pray :) “confident not because the logic is impeccable, but confident because i had an actual experience, and i discovered an intuitive understanding of teachings i otherwise can't really explain. and all of this happening only when boundary is dissolved, as you so wonderfully put it.” “Actual experiences” cannot be denied, even if one’s own parent denies them! And it is through these actual experiences that the wisdom is cultivated, both psychologically and spiritually (in truth they represent two aspects or modes of being). Faith itself grows out of the deep intuitive and we need to trust in our own brilliance! We must use the mirrors of our experience to help us complete the journey, however painful it is. It is when the pain dissolves that you know the mirror has cleared and the afflictive emotions give way to joy, compassion and love.
A few years back I was at Caumsett State Park right outside of Huntington, Long Island, on the Long Island Sound in Lloyd’s Neck. Caumsett to me is what I imagine what Innisfree was to Yeats or the Lake District was to Wordsworth (we all have our nature refuges—I have a few more). It was my retreat from the world and my connection to my world, from what existed to what was real:
I wander through these fields,
as I have done for four years
a crazed criminal
begging the city for release from
its outer surburban cell of my home,
the dull, bleary apartment-lined
pot-holed streets and dreary
hyphenated edifices of fabricated lawn.
These were the streets of Queens
and the pop-up relationships
of artificiality.
But, here, here is the open field,
here are the brown bulges from ground rising,
existence revealing its underground of things.
Here is the openness from which
the closed spaces of living
unconceal their bones.
One chilly Sunday in November quite a few years ago now I went to Caumsett to hike and meditate. There is a chill in the air that awakens my senses. The late autumn sun faintly draws me out and I feel its warmth. It’s not like Noah’s “madly shining sun”; it’s subtle. I walk through the open meadow and down one of the paths heading east. I come upon another sloping meadow where, centered as the sun itself, sits two closely situated beech trees, naked and bereft of their summer leaves, yet still tall and graceful with their smooth gray girths and fiery red limbs. I have watched and sat with these Beech trees for almost 15 years; they still inspire me. On a slope by the path, overlooking the trees, lay a thick bed of fallen leaves, mostly maple and oak. They are warm and soft, and I decide that this is where I will sit for meditation. At first I want to lie down over the brown bed of leaves and soak in the sun. How blessed can a man be to have awareness and feel throughout his being all that beauty soliciting him in his solitude? My senses are now heightened and interpretation begins to dissolve into the fields, woods, sun and sky embracing me.
I am now ready to meditate, and sit up. I cross my legs, close my eyes, and begin counting the breath. By the count of 5, a growing nearby sound distracts me. I keep my eyes closed, but the sound keeps growing, and I open my eyes. About 50 feet to my right, about 35 degrees westward, an eddy of leaves begins to rise upward like a top. The leaves are dancing and reaching higher and wider and spinning concentrically.
And of a sudden, they begin to move like a tornado in a curve-like trajectory. And I say to myself, they are coming to me, even though they were 50 feet away and at a strange angle. I sit and watch as they come until, for a brief interlude, I am in the middle of this ball; the leaves are twirling around me! And then, in another instant, they pass as if through me, and stop. I have been at this spot for a while, and nothing like this had happened before. I feel, in a space that has no words, that something very significant has just happened to me. I could no longer stay seated, and headed for the beech trees. But, before I reach them, a loud shout from across the park startles me, and I look up to find a red-winged hawk hovering in a circle above in the blue sky. I begin encircling the beech trees, and about three quarters around, I start to cry.
The leaves spoke to me and the message is clear: the circle of life, the circle of life. The "completer existence." Life and death are but one cycle of eternity, the everlasting, undying infinite manifesting in the eternal now. I am the sphere in which phenomena appear and disappear. I am the source by which the world becomes manifest. Everything that exists, exists as mind whirling in the sphere of perfect love. I am the first and last song of the day, and all the longing
notes between:
The Last Song of the Day
Below the road in Caumsett at dusk,
billows of beech like smoke rush the sky.
As I walk back from the sound
the grass rises suddenly;
nothing but the silence measures time.
The songs have ceased,
I return to thought.
Up the road by the field
where the last vestige of light squeezes out day,
a mockingbird sits, waiting.
I move closer to catch the site
where he is perching, alone.
He keeps his stance, then dips slightly as the moon,
the white of his tail pointing downward;
he barely cares that I am here.
He begins singing to the melting field.
I think of Whitman's bird
moaning in the night for his mate.
Perhaps we have both lost love;
I will share with him,
for he knows the hidden language of loss.
His gray head bobs and he repeats a phrase.
Suddenly, for a moment,
I feel love again and become a bird.
Many things
Your name is not important, since I know who you are. It makes no difference what you call yourself or what I call you. We are who we are.
Your poem reminds me of the dove that sits on the telephone wire behind my house. This dove, which could be one, or one of many, I named Margaret,after the elderly lady who lived next door a long time ago. Our houses shared a party wall where the sounds of our lives entered each others rooms. She told me it made her feel safe and less alone.
Long ago, when my children were young they asked about the dove that was sitting behind our house. My answer was simple: "That is Margaret." For years they believed that every dove they saw was the very same Margaret that lived behind our house. I still believe this to be true.
And then one day for a brief time a Guinea fowl took up residence on our balcony. I didn't know his name, but it didn't matter.
MARGARET IS A DOVE
LOL!!! Thank you, Emily. I'm happy you know who I am. I'm still working on figuring it out myself :) By the way, my sister, Margaret is a dove, a beautiful, generous being of dove. I wrote this for her:
All my good-byes have been said--;
separation slowly
shapes me like night sculpting moon.
The ache brings me back again,
and I begin again in
the fresh return of morning.
What's left is to replenish
breath and prayer, and forever
I am unregretful
for having loved the absence
that fills like light the ache.
I begin again as Love becomes me.
graffiti
in only a side-note response to Emily's and Om's really lovely posts, here is a sonnet i wrote some time ago called 'sister'
skilled in rationalization she
tears between sense and not-to-sense
offers two cents
is doing better she
frustrates me
i with little reason fence
myself within reaction tense
and unreliable free
of mindfulness of
attention she comes
now with love
now with care of
words i meet with odds
respond to shove with shove
GRAFFITI, FROM “WASHING HERSELF OUT” TO CLEANING OURSELVES OFF
James, thanks for sharing the other side of, can we say, painful relationship which, like many of us, I also know well. However, what I experience most in your carefully crafted sonnet (and we might wonder, why sonnet?) is less the pain of relationship (which I feel deeply with you) than the deeper desire to overcome it, both through an introspective immersion into the nature of sibling conflict, and vis-à-vis the poetic immersion into meaning itself, as a method and as a vehicle for transforming suffering into understanding, compassion, wisdom and ultimatelt, love. As the youngest of five siblings, I had a most interesting perspective myself on the rules and roles of relationship.
The Golden Rule
Perhaps it's because we share the same blood we don't relate.
We all seemed too close to the brood
the half-empty plate:
five Little Indians leaving blood
along the trail of childhood.
And all I ever heard was, Don't ever hate.
Noah's poem
Sometimes the analysis of a poem actually takes me further from it. My mind overtakes my heart and pulls my feet off the ground. The poem of Noah's seems to be grounded in the very specifics of the landscape and the sensuality of the ocean, sand, and the young woman in the waves. There is great desire, I can feel everything pulling to the loveliness of the young woman. The poem is sensual - the heat, the sand, the water is all a part of the woman. The man's desire reaches far beyond her. She is living in her body, present and free. She bends with abandonment. We all feel the desire to make ourselves at home, not only in our bodies, but in the universe.
It has always been a question of mine of how to balance the analysis of a poem with the actual experience of it. Analysis is different than reflection
Just trying to understand my entry point
EMILY'S ENTRY
I very much appreciate your response and your point is well-taken. “Entry point” IS the point, and it is where we would like to enter the poem, that is, from what level of knowing or perspective, that we begin our own personal journeys through the poem’s landscape. In other words, the entry point is the portal from which we begin our experience of the poem. There is no single entry point, there are many. For me, I enter a poem first with my body: I feel the sensuousness of it, I breathe it in, I climb into it with all my senses. But, it isn’t a self-conscious entry; it is more a surrender. In fact, I’m not sure whether I’m penetrating it or it’s penetrating me. I’m sure it’s both. If it’s a good poem, one that organically rests in its aesthetic structure, I am moved (emotionally stirred) and inspired (it breathes into me). At this moment, I do not interpret or try to comprehend it; I apprehend it. But, then, there is another landscape of the poem that equally stirs me, that is, the aspects of the poem that reach out beyond the poems confined space and bring the entire history of culture and mind-- from Jove’s thunderclap giving rise to language to the very horizon of language itself and everything in between that guides us toward our own spiritual realization-- to consciousness. Through this interpretive process, I find myself and I find beyond myself to all Selves and ultimately beyond that too. But, most importantly, I cannot complete this process without your entry point: feeling the poem as it is in its fresh nakedness where “you could almost smell joy in the breeze.”
So, I encourage you to not see it as either or but both and many, where all ways of knowing and levels of being are privileged. In this pond, we are all welcomed!
THREE TIMES NAKED ON NOAH’S NUDE BEACH
Noah, in re-reading your poem I noticed you wrote “naked” three times. Is that allowed? In the following poem, also written on a beach, I wrote “round” 8 times! Do I have to take them out?
Sanderlings Are Round
From their round rufous heads, kips
of conversation, as black bills poke
and dip into the round golden sand:
there are two now scampering
and scraping and carping for turf,
circling the round poked holes
of wet sand like children
face to face, hands clasped,
bodies straight
and angled like Pisa
bearing down on heals:
leaning back
and together, an arc
of top ready to spin;
white bands
of wings spread
tip to tip,
the round bodies
spinning in the shadow
of sand around poked holes;
and after the tango one leaves
for the round green of wake
rolling into the round white
bubbles of white breakers
breaking through the round
boundaries of foam and wave
roaring and rushing behind
the retreating black legs
rhythmic and round as dance.
i know another kind of round
a way a lone a last a loved A ROUND OF GUENESSES!!
JAMES ALWAYS JOYCES
LOL!!!!!!! I'll have another Finn again while cicling my way back to the island of Guinness Free.
the sanderlings are square
don't you know poetry is only about precision of language. It's like you are trying to evoke something for me or something.
THE ART OF PERSEVERATION
Try James'Guenesis. It will lead you to the head of the issue!
careful, now
too much and you might not hold your balance: the fall (bababadalgharaghtakamminarronnkonnbronntonnerronntuonnthunntrovarrhounawnskawntoohoohoordenenthurnuk!) of a once wallstrait youngblogger is retaled early in bed and later on life down through all intimate strangerlsy.
NOAH’S MALE GAZE: PHALLIC OR FALLACY
I was hoping we could return to some compelling points regarding Noah’s earlier poem and the “controversy” around his line, “She splashed/ over her nakedness and squatted/ down to let the salty rush/ clean her out, and turned to face him.” My interest in returning is that underlying this particular choice of metaphor is an ostensible language embedded in a male power structure. I’m not suggesting that Noah, either consciously or unconsciously, performed this act. In fact, I would argue the opposite view, that Noah attempted to overcome the dialectical asymmetry rooted in male power structure through his identification with the nymph. In fact, I experienced his aim as contemplating the space to which it is possible to both recognize and reconcile difference through a kind of poetic dialogical process which embraces the intersubjective. It is this space of making and finding and that has the double task of recognition: two subjectivities.
Over time, feminist theorists have been exploring the representation of female sexuality, particularly in the arts—literature, painting, film, television, etc. What they have essentially pointed out is that there is a general lack of awareness about the way images are constructed through various mediums of language; representations, as such, are mediations embedded through the art form in the dominant (male) ideology. As a result, there has been more a focus on how meaning is produced rather than on content. This I would call contextualization. Through the context. for example, of Noah’s poem imagery, we can explore the links between modes of knowing, or different perspectives.
The two mechanisms feminist theorists point to, particularly in cinema, are perfect for our discussion: voyeurism and fetishism. Voyeurism is linked to the male pleasure of his own organ, which then becomes displaced to pleasure in watching other people having sex. The eye of the camera (or in this case, poem) is reproduced by the projector/text and both together duplicate the keyhole of a parental bedroom. As an extension of this, because women tend to be objectified and eroticized, irrespective of what women are doing, the images created are immediately sexualized. Further, the eroticization of women is structured around types of male gazes: in our context, it would be the male as camera/poet and the male as narration/poem, which is constructed to make women objects of their gaze. Though we might say that objectification is inerent to eroticization, what makes the gaze potentially dangerous is that the male gaze carries with it the power of action and of a possession that is culturally lacking in the female gaze. Women receive and return a gaze, but have been conditioned not to act on it.
The fetishistic is quite interesting, too. The tendency of the male to sexualize and objectify women is designed to annihilate a threat that women possess to male power. That is, men seek the penis in women and fetishism is symbolic of exactly that, turning the object (woman) into a phallus-like fetish to make it more reassuring than dangerous. Now, whether we agree or disagree with these assumptions, we have to admit that they are grist for our little blog mill, especially since we might appropriate some of these thoughts to spotlight Noah’s beautiful lyric. So, here it is if anyone wants to take a bite :)
sexualization as objectification
I am not sure how to comment on this with respect to the poem (perhaps because I am too involved with its creation) but I would love it if you could help to reveal the way in which the language of this line is embedded in male power structure.
you have made me wonder about the way in which I sexualize women, and asked me to consider this tendency as a reflection of my perception of their intrinsic power.
I suppose if we assume a power-relationship, then there is always the need to manage threat. You seem to suggest that objectification is inherent to eroticization. This seems true, in so far as sexualization usually carries with it the desire to posses. I am treading into territory i have no real understanding of, but it seems to me that this often carries a pejorative connotation because our culture awards men the power to act on this desire and denies women that power. (Though i am not sure that this is still totally the case).
from a biological perspective, it seems that the desire to posses is expedient and necessary (irrespective of gender association).
questions for you om: are power and sex necessarily bound together? I can only really say that the desire in my poem is to "embrace the intersubjective," to both identify and recognize "two subjectives." But this is happening in the context of sexual voyeurism, which carries with it all the power relationships you outline. I, with no real justification, want to believe that sexuality is not intrinsically bound to object-subject power relationships, and can in fact be the highest expression of subject-subject relationship. But the tension between this sort of spiritual ideal, on the one hand, and the cultural and psychological reality on the other hand, is what makes, in my opinion, this experience (that line) "uncomfortable." I am sort of talking out of my ass a little, but perhaps there is someone else out there who knows enough about feminist theory (or gender studies) to comment insightfully :)
out of sight
We get it on almost every night
when that moon gets big and bright
its a supernatural delight
everybody was dancing in the moonlight
Everybody here is outta sight
they dont bark and they dont bite
they keep things loose, they keep things light
everybody was dancing in the moonlight
Dancin in the moonlight
everybody's feelin warm and bright
its such a fine and natural sight
everybody's dancin in the moonlight
we like to have fun and we never fight
you cant dance and stay uptight
its a supernatural delight
everybody was dancin in the moonlight
Dancin in the moonlight
everybody's feelin warm and bright
its such a fine and natural sight
everybody's dancin in the moonlight
Everybody here is outta sight
they dont bark and they dont bite
they keep things loose, they keep things light
everybody's dancin in the moonlight
(quick thought)
"(Though i am not sure that this is still totally the case)"
it's still the case. in fact, i think something that is somewhat frightening is that a pervasive thought these days is that this is no longer the case and thus we can just move on without mention... we can just ignore...
mentioning something like (the lack of) gender equality (not in all circles, obviously) is taken as an expression of a disingenuous attitude, if you know what i mean... it's frustrating for me because, like you, i am struggling to recognize my own deep-seated perceptions, tendencies, and so on; but i am not often challenged so i just go on my way thinking i'm a blank-slate innocent feminist peace-fighter! thanks, Om, for the opportunity to dig deeeper in this context; though perhaps this barbecue is getting a bit crowded and we can start up a new thread?
TOO CROWDED, SAY WHAT? THERE'S ALWAYS ROOM FOR MORE SUN;)
James, the "uncomfortable" that Noah points to, is the potential of transcendence. For me, it's all grist for the mill, the alchemy:
alchemy
it’s like an emptying… what crows caw to
tossing what was heaped out onto a pile
like compost, how it takes
what needs to burn
and works it with heat
water, air and earth;
and like a chocolate mouth
sucking it down whole
shitting out what something else can use;
the heap that once was turns to gold.
whatchu talkin' bout?
i think you misunderstood my 'too crowded' comment, or perhaps i am misunderstanding you. i'm not trying to cut off the conversation -- i'm not sure you would think that, so i think i must be missing the joke, or something. i'm just suggesting we continue the conversation on a page with less posts... this one is rather full and the website isn't designed to handle this many posts smoothly, i don't think. know what i mean? did i misunderstand??
RE: SEXUALITY AS OBJECTIFICATION
“But the tension between this sort of spiritual ideal [that sexuality is not intrinsically bound to object-subject power relationships, and can in fact be the highest expression of subject-subject relationship], on the one hand, and the cultural and psychological reality on the other hand, is what makes, in my opinion, this experience (that line) "uncomfortable."”
I think you mean “psychological ideal?” Thank you for this thoughtful “bite,” Noah. I think you are right on many levels here, particularly the reality of asymmetrical power relationships, that is, that what engenders discomfort in language is when the language lends itself interpretively to reifying or fostering the inequality. This is why I said context is so critical in keeping the reifications open. Regarding your statement, “I would love it if you could help to reveal the way in which the language of this line is embedded in male power structure,” I would have to say that all language is embedded in male power, simply because historically men have been the arbiters of language. If I might reframe your statement, it might read, “help to reveal the way in which the language of this line lends itself to the negative `tendencies’ to objectify and sexualize women.” This new framing might be more useful because it takes the dialectical tension of this issue and creates a dialogical opening from which we can decenter the very objectification and sexualization we are attempting to overcome. It’s like the racist issue we spoke about a few weeks back. I proposed that we are all racist necessarily because we were raised in a racist society; we have been conditioned to racism. In the same way, we all unconsciously participate in objectification and sexualization (in various submission/domination manifestations) necessarily because language itself and the structures in which language give form to, are predominantly patriarchally constructed.
This dialectic, or polarity of long-held cultural and linguistic patterns (e.g. male/female), in my opinion, can only be overcome by an intersubjective process, which I believe your poem attempted to achieve. An intersubjective process means contemplating the space in which it is possible to recognize difference. As I said in another post, it is difference that potentially degenerates into fear which, in turn, creates threat, antagonism, violence, destruction. The gaze, which begins as a mutual gazing between mother and infant, also potentially degenerates into a subject-object (usually male) gaze and transforms relationship into a space of submission.
THE VAGINA DIALOGUE: NOAH AND THE FLOOD
Noah, I realize I didn’t specifically address your question regarding the line of your poem: “She splashed/ over her nakedness and squatted/ down to let the salty rush/ clean her out, and turned to face him.” You wanted to know how this line might be embedded in male power structures. The simple response is that it “potentially” points to mortification and shame. Mortification deals with “self-inflicted punishment, self-sacrifice, or self-imposed denials and restrictions designed to slay characteristics, impulses, or aspects of the self” In her play, `The Vagina Monologues,’ Eve Ensler addressed this very point. The concept for the play began as she started collecting stories, thoughts, and reactions various women had concerning their vaginas. In one Monologue, called `The Flood,’ an older woman who hadn’t touched her vagina in years, says,
“I got excited, so excited, and, well, there was a flood down there. I couldn’t control it. It was like this force of passion, this river of life just flooded out of me, right through my panties, right onto the car seat of his new white Chevy BelAir. It wasn’t pee and…well, frankly, I didn’t smell anything at all, but he said, Andy said, that it smelled like sour milk and it was staining his car seat. I was a “stinky weird girl,’ he said. I wanted to explain that his kiss had caught me off guard, that I wasn’t normally like this…Andy drove me home and he never, never said another word and when I closed his car door, I closed the whole store. Locked it. Never opened for business again. I dated some after that, but the idea of flooding made me too nervous. I never got close again.”
Can't a crack
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politicians!
i very much like this line of discussion and hope we can open it up further. i find it to be very important. in the meantime, though, i'll respond to your response to Noah... i'm not quite sure, despite the way you open this post, that you have actually given an (your) answer to Noah's question. you've given "the simple response" -- which sounds a bit like a talking point to me!!
it seems, of course, you and Noah have opened up close but different paths of discussion. you have said, "that all language is embedded in male power, simply because historically men have been the arbiters of language," and moreso that, "This dialectic, or polarity of long-held cultural and linguistic patterns (e.g. male/female), in my opinion, can only be overcome by an intersubjective process, which I believe your poem attempted to achieve." Noah, not in opposition to this, asks (if i am reading well):
i am not suggesting, again, that there is an opposition here, but rather two strands of the same conversation; both deserving of great attention. looking forward to more of this discussion!!
JAMES, BEFORE I RESPOND
did you read my post yesterday,(The Vagina Dialogue: Noah and the Flood)? It might have answered at least part of your question.
respond away!!
the post to which you refer is the post to which i am directly responding. if you feel the answer is held within, though, i wouldn't ask you to repeat yourself, necessarily... but since you say "part of [my] question," i would ask that at the least you answer the other parts! but even that isn't necessary. any sort of response would be welcome 8)
RESPONDING AWAY!
“And, in addition, how may we perform this exercise [of individually bringing greater and sharper attention to this (male/female) polarity] with my poem, since it is here, ripe for the picking?” It was Foucault I believe who argued that power and knowledge are fused and that knowledge creates power. I like this, and he talks about power relationally as hierarchical and forming clusters of relations, institutions, for example. He also points out that power is everywhere and that we all have power, though obviously some have more than others. This is largely so because the unconscious is the governing body, so to speak. This I really love in Foucault’s thought. Most important, as Carmen has stated and which I absolutely agree, there is no way out of power because there’s no way out of difference (except through meditation).
So, in looking at Noah’s gorgeous poem, I’m actually not sure that the idea of power and knowledge have strong explicit valence in the poem’s imagery or narrative; however (based on some of the feminist theory I pointed to), it might implicitly speak to the poet/I’s seeking control over the object of his desire through his idiosyncratic lens (I would actually say, a brilliant double lens—kind of like a lucid dream—the eye of the poetic `I’ gazing, and the poet himself creating narrative). And, of course, our favorite controversial line where the `I’ gazes at the sea “cleaning out” the nymph’s vagina. Does this reflect shame around gazing or unconscious knowledge of the vagina as organ of sexual power? I don’t know, perhaps we can ask Lacan. What I do know is that the poem seeks to recast traditional notions of female sexuality and sexuality in general necessarily because the entire poem is a celebration of sexuality from nudity and lovemaking on the beach to the woman’s exquisite playfulness and connecting with her body with and through nature. Within this very context, I have to say that seeing the woman cleaning herself out with the sea as anything but celebratory is ludicrous and projection (which I argue reflects in the poem’s `I’ and poet a healthy and integrated solution to the male/female split).
RE: RE: Sexuality as Objectification
How then, in your opinion, do these specific words "to let the salty rush clean her out," lend themselves to the negative `tendencies’ to objectify and sexualize women. If the discomfort of this line does indeed come from a sense of power inequality, engendered by the specifics of its word choice, perhaps we should investigate exactly how that inequality is being reified in this language.
and then, one might ask, is it possible to express this act in this context from this perspective without objectification. I think this is so interesting, because i think it is important to identify how this potential objectification--which you claim is inherent to our language and therefore radical to our modes of perception and expression--functions in the language itself.
and are we thereby trapped--does the expression of this act in language (or the fact that my speaker noticed it, and chose to express it) necessarily objectify the subject. Does the presence of a "male" gaze automatically objectify (i guess i think it might, which is why i strove to enter her subjective space).
What if it was the word "wash" as opposed to clean. Or is it perhaps that the line says clean "herself" as opposed to "clean her vagina." Have I unconsciously made her into a body part? I think this line exemplifies the "maleness" or separateness of the speaker. I wonder how a woman might write this line.
And then again, there was the purification, the prayer, that you previously called attention to. That it is a cleansing of self, in prayer. I must say, i am extremely attached to this line, and all its complexity and discomfort.
As a child, and as a woman
I so clearly remember, cleaning myself out in the ocean, because it "felt good," to feel that rush of water. If someone was watching me I didn't care. It felt good to me.
I think the word clean is where people stumble. Clean implies that there was something unclean. And in whose eyes was it unclean? The poet's or the readers?
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