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At night I dream as us about the dust.
The people who emerge from it
heat rippling across the surface of a lake
pass out of and into the whiteness, everywhere.
The white dust that takes the moisture from our skin
and in the fog-like wind roves as clouds
wandering the landscape
the bristles of many silent brooms.
We wait its passing through us, we are not
swept away. Nothing comes as no surprise:
the ships that flame out, sailing across the surface
of this lake of dust, slowly turning wheels
disappearing in the thumping of the night.
Nowhere feels freer than this. Even the smoke
smiles around its own coiling away.
If you move out a ways, if you look
from a distance, the earth seems to rain toward the sky
encasing the transient substance of the world
before burning.
I can not decide
if, through this poem 9/21, all things feel separate and removed, or existing as one. I am unsettled.
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Where's Noah
All things must exist in everything for without the collective there is nothing. Nothing can exist in isolation if interconnectedness or inter-being is to be believed.
Noah what were you feeling when you composed this creative piece, and what did you wish to convey. Perhaps my issue is my own inability to understand.
Hi Bodhi
Thank you for your question to me.
Generally in my poems, and here in particular, I am trying to put to words what I've been experiencing in that surreal, subconscious place I find myself as I am falling asleep, as the edges of my memories are pouring into dreams.
Early this month, I spent a week at the Burning Man festival, which takes place in the black rock desert in NW Nevada. The poem is a depiction of what's been lingering for me, under the surface. The dust from that place is still all over my things, in my sleeping bag, and inside of me somehow.
I didn't really intend my poem to convey anything specific, at least not in an intellectual way. This is just what I've been experiencing in that liminal space between waking and sleep. I think when my writing is more 'successful' it is because I am feeling more connected / grounded in my experience of reality. Lately I have not been feeling this.
Maybe this is just a snapshot of something my psyche's been mulling over. I think Emily's comment pretty much mirrors back some sort of deep unsettledness / indecision within me.
I'm not sure that I can help you to understand because I don't really understand myself. It's weird, but now that a few days have past, I already feel a bit unrelated to the poem itself. Maybe you can help me. In fact you already have by asking me the question.
Hey Noah
I've been missing your prose and thought I would simply check in and see what images your prism of reality might be creating these days. It seems as if many have been experiencing a brief period of transition lately.
As the northwestern winds mark the changing of the seasons, I hope they will carry in what thoughts are in your heart.
Expression of transition
Noah, I continue to find your poem a mystery. Your comment regarding your current reaction to your own creation reinforces my belief in the impermanence of perception/reality. I wonder how you might alter the poem if you were creating it today. I sincerely hope you will continue posting your poetry. I stand in awe of your creative abilities and enjoy the images you create. They are like a fine wine, to be "geniessen"/enjoyed and reflected on, not raced through. I wonder what has shifted in your perception of yourself and the world, or if this is merely an expression of a personal evolution. It does lead me to reflect on different transitional periods in my life and the shifting winds which blew through my mind as the sand created a new pattern of reality.
Looking forward to your next creation.
NOAH AND THE POEM OF THE MATTER
Hypnogogic. This is the space of sleep, of unawakening, of samsara. This is the dream of the matter, the heart contracted by unknowing, “wandering the landscape” of mind. To open with dreaming “as us” “about the dust,” rather than as dust about us, there is a going inward as opposed to emerging from. The biblical reference of “dust” is apt and does indeed speak to impermanence, but also something more: the permanence of change and thus the opportunity for deepening awareness, for example, in Noah’s case, going inward. For he knows you can’t circumvent the psychological, even though it hurls him into terror. For Noah, it is always the body, the deep body of the unconscious from which he will make sense (notice the double-meaning of “sense” here). The primeval images and collective archetypes swirl around consciousness seeking recognition and reified appearance so as to order reality, give it coherence through language. This is the poem. Language began with a thud, that is, after silence, for silence is the first language. But then the thunder and the desire to name it. To name, from a spiritual perspective, is double-coded: it attracts and detracts. It creates a binary of form and points to the nondual of emptiness. It encases “the transcient substance of the world before burning” and brims with light, the impermanence of which will never change, for the light of rigpa is permanent, even in its emptiness. And if we get this, as Noah is trying to do as he slowly and painstakingly bakes his way along, we create an atmosphere free from all negative afflictive emotions, and are no longer “swept away,” because “nothing comes as no surprise.” But, most importantly, Noah knows that, until he sits and finds the silence, the poem, though a poem, will yet to be a poem.
Silence
I think about it often - what is silence. Is it ever really silent? There is the silencing of words, but all around me there are sounds. I hear the birds, or the wind, or just the sound of my breath. I sit, in silence with people who are dying. I have most recently bathed a dead man; no breath, no movement, but I heard something - I heard the absense of his breath. Is that possible? I envy the poets who can put language to these experiences, who soar with words and create spaces between them - where the silence of being seems to live. I am so much without words these days. I seem to just experience, to just be with people, living people, dying people; at times where one word or two , a simple word: grandmother from the lips of a dying man, paints a picture of an entire life. I have entered into hallucinations with people, not seeing what they see, but acknowledging that they see, and then seeing what they describe to me. I bath a dead man and then walk surefooted, happily home in the sunlight, in awe of the mystery, in gratitude for the opportunity to express compassion, to challenge my heart to stay open, to accept what is and what must be. It makes even the mundane things of my life: cleaning the house, picking up dog poop, a celebration. The shift in consciousness has been great, but subtle, and in increments, mostly unnoticed. It is a lifetime of bringing myself back home. It seems so ordinary and yet, I have come closer to living what I believe. That seems extraordinary. I didn't know, even when I believed. I agree with Om, that we must find the silence, we must know the silence, for out of silence we came and into silence we must go. I can say with all my heart, that I am so grateful to be alive and I mean it. This wasn't always so. If anyone believe they can come through the darkness into the light, then talk to me. I have been there and back and each time. I still sometimes touch it with my toe, but quickly pull it back. Too cold. I will not swim there. I choose life. I choose it. I choose it. I choose it.
INTO THE GREAT SILENCE OF EMILY
I ask myself why I came out of the silence. I was talking with my friends about it just today. “Oh, we all thought you were going to live out the rest of your life a monk.” Such joy, the silence, such peace. I could have rested there until I breathed out my last breath. But, I chose to come back into the world of community, relationship, a retreat center, a child. I chose to get some more goo and earth on my hands before I leave my body. It’s not that I wasn’t cultivating compassion for all beings, without exception. A prayer is a powerful transmission of love, the subtle energy streams massage the pain of daily living, even for those whose eyes are weak and hearts hardened by life. The energy is shifting, the higher yoga of collective awareness is heightening its reach. Thich Naht Hahn says the next Buddha will not come as an individual but as a community. I believe this to be true. The old paradigm of family, for example, has just about reached its end, for biology is a rather absurd notion of boundary in defining how we are related. We all come from the same genetic pool, after all, irrespective of what appears as “family-specific” genetic models. And further, when you finally through the great silence wrap your mind around nonduality, you might be reminded of the Lakota Indian Prayer: Mitakuye Oyasin. We are all related, it says. It’s very similar to my daily morning prayer: I am grateful to be alive so that I can cultivate compassion for all beings, without exception. As I am getting ready to bring another life into the world, I think of setting a path for him to embrace the community he already is, was, and will always be; this time, however, with hopefully a clearer and more mindful sense of Mitakuye Oyasin. We are all related. We are all family, and at the height of our developed sense of individuality and autonomy, my hope is that this new old being will realize that true autonomy is intimate and related, and that obligation, from the Latin, obligare, is not a rule or law but an engagement, a pledge to care for the other. Law itself is evolving, as Jesus told us. Love is spontaneous law. Law is more interior now, an internalized emergence of empathic responsiveness. And so, responsibility is the ability to respond, not a moral injunction. It goes along with Emily’s choosing. I respond to life. I respond. I respond. I respond.
TWO NEW BOOKS I HIGHLY RECOMMEND
As you know, I’ve spent the better part of 20 years trying to integrate Buddhism into my psychoanalytic therapy practice. Chögyam Trungpa said that Buddhism would come to the west as a psychology, and for good reason. If you think about it, the essence or aim of Buddhism is in the eradication of all negative afflictive emotions, which, as we know, is the cause of suffering. We not only suffer as a result of negative afflictive emotions; negative emotions also obscure the understanding (ie, our cognitive grasping) of the ultimate nature of reality, the realization of which is what the Buddha called enlightenment. So, what the west calls emotional intelligence (a term I don’t particularly like) is a big deal, not only for the development of a value-centric world, but fundamentally for spiritual development.
To this end, I would like to suggest `A Conversation Between The Dalai Lama and Paul Ekman.’ This book is remarkable, not the least for the amount of time, energy, passion, and wisdom that has gone into creating it and the number of scholars who have directly and indirectly produced it. It becomes clear after reading this book (along with all the publications disseminated through the Mind and Life Institute -- http://www.mindandlife.org/ -- whose mission is “to fostering dialogue and research at the highest possible level between modern science and the great living contemplative traditions, especially Buddhism. It builds on a deep commitment to the power and value of both of these ways of advancing knowledge and their potential to alleviate suffering.”) that western psychology has been radically challenged, particularly its very narrow focus on the self and its relation to the world. Which brings me to my next recommendation: `Brilliant Sanity,’ which is a series of essays dedicated to Chögyam Trungpa’s original vision of training psychotherapists in Buddhist meditation and thus bringing the heart of Buddhism into the western world.
The beautiful thing about Buddhist philosophy is that it does not belong to Buddhism, nor do we need to be a Buddhist to appropriate and learn from its penetrating teachings. When I first found myself in the arms of Buddhist philosophy and meditation, it was as if I had come home to a world that finally made sense to me, a world free from the insanity I grew up, lived and worked in; the entire culture made little sense to me from psychological and spiritual perspectives. Even my field of psychology felt narrow and oppressive in its understanding of mental health, primarily because it elevated and reified the self or ego, a very fatal error if we are to reunite the psychological and spiritual in our conscious lives. Not that we need to remove the self from consciousness; that’s not only absurd (as in “nihilistic”) but impossible. What needs to happen therapeutically is to help guide the afflicted self in discovering its true nature, a process that is deep, creative, expansive, and paradoxical. Paradoxical because the strengthening of the self is the first stage of a rigorous unfoldment of self’s dismantling. Before self could actually “see’ or understand its lack of self-existence, it first has to develop the “skillful means” or cognitive skills necessary to realize what it is not. These skills together are what we call self awareness and might include, for example, thinking, attention, focus, discernment, and language. With these skills, a number of temporary theoretical frameworks are established and used in understanding one’s emotional life and needs; the understanding of relationship across a number of levels; and the nature of reality from two fundamental perspectives: as the conventional world constructs it and as it ultimately is. The two methods, if you will, that guide this process are dynamic self-interrogation and meditation, both of which unfold within the context of a therapeutic relationship.
Expression of transition
Noah, I continue to find your poem a mystery. Your comment regarding your current reaction to your own creation reinforces my belief in the impermanence of perception/reality. I wonder how you might alter the poem if you were creating it today. I sincerely hope you will continue posting your poetry. I stand in awe of your creative abilities and enjoy the images you create. They are like a fine wine, to be "geniessen"/enjoyed and reflected on, not raced through. I wonder what has shifted in your perception of yourself and the world, or if this is merely an expression of a personal evolution. It does lead me to reflect on different transitional periods in my life and the shifting winds which blew through my mind as the sand created a new pattern of reality.
Looking forward to your next creation.
HEY BODHI, WOULD LOVE A RESPONSE
I sent three responses to your questions and would love to hear your insights.
Out of the Silence
Om, responding to your postings is a most difficult task - I must admit. These past several days, I've been experiencing a brief 'bardo' wrestling with the impermanence yet sense of permanence of an evolving relationship. I must admit integrating what has to this point been an intellectual awareness into a more heart felt epiphany has been painful, yet necessary. The experience has reminded me of a song in the tradition of Thich Nhat Hanh:
"The realm of the mind is mine I can choose. I can choose where I want to be.
Both heaven and hell, I know equally well. The choice is up to me."
So with these words in mind, I shall 'step in' and share where your words have taken my thoughts. Please forgive me if I seem to ramble, for a rambling I did go. The image of an English garden once visited while spending a holiday with friends in the UK keeps coming to mind. So many images to catch my attention and distract me down an alternate path from the direction I 'thought' I'd venture down, which do I choose to geniess (enjoy), which will leave an indelible imprint on my mind - seems to depend on my level of mindfulness, yet having said this, the landscape of understanding has certainly been enriched. My bouquet of images plucked from this lush garden while illusionary in form, is certainly rich with colour, aroma and texture.
The first path I ventured down seemed to dwell on your comments regarding the essence of reality - to be honest if one's "mental activity is awareness of the world" I felt as if I was walking into a shrub maze. Not always selecting the 'correct' turns (are there any in life), I found myself sometimes lost or overwhelmed by the intertwining of thoughts. I concur with your comments regarding the importance of mirroring intimacy in a relationship. I would venture to add that intimacy while extremely important in a relationship and a primary construct which fosters a deepening of the relationship along with a deepening of understanding of one's selflessness, is but one of many messages mirrored in any relationship which collectively are vital to the understanding or deepening of the human consciousness. Thus, awareness becomes the mirror reflecting the illusionary reality of the moment. A bit like a house of mirrors at the county fair.
When you said, "master relationship and therefore master reality" are you referring to one's relationship with another human being or the totality of interconnectedness one has with the universe. Furthermore, what constitutes a 'relationship.' As I walk down 34th St. and in the process meet a homeless beggar, our eyes may meet and for a moment we have connected. I experience his suffering, acknowledge his personhood, hopefully relieve if only for a second his pain of feeling invisible. For that moment in time, haven't we connected, gone in and out of a relationship, communicated without "words" and expanded the universal sense of 'interconnectedness' if just for a second. In this case weren't our actions the 'language' we used to as you put it "point to what is real and unreal." Would more have been needed? I don't mean to diminish the value of the spoken sounds but if behavioral linguists are correct over 80% of what we communicate is via the unspoken word. I would caution us not to omit the impact of nonverbal language on mastering relationships and the consequential impact on one's interpretation of reality.
But enough of my maze chatter or I shall find myself returning to it and wandering again. Actually, I might do that some other time and see what path I soldier down. The remaining hectares of my garden seem to exist independently, yet we all know they are truly interdependent with all that exists to collectively form the beauty of the 'whole'. The climbing roses, catch my eye - many varieties from many different lands, growing up from Mother Earth to form a tapestry of elegance as they grow and spread along the flagstone wall. The wall I constructed over the years, now protecting my flora and fauna, where once only weeds and thistles flourished. It still seems to have a few entrenched weeds which need my tending, but I suspect that will be the case for this entire life-time and beyond.
Your thoughts regarding the relationship between the psychological and the spiritual remind me of my climbing roses. They both have roots which feed the evolution and enlightenment for all and thus heighten universal understanding. They nurture each other as both the earth and elements do my roses, and are thus for me intertwined. For like the plant that is able to exist without soil, its roots left drifting in the motion of water, when combined with the nutrients passed down from the ages through Mother Earth, doesn't that very same plant grow to be stronger, healthier and spread its seedlings farther when its roots are centered and less vulnerable to the passing winds. The plant is still empty of an independent reality. If one believes in the Guhyasamaja tantra that there is an indivisibility between consciousness and energy, than couldn't one view the spiritual evolution of the whole as being fostered and nurtured by the psychological nurturing of the elements (i.e. sentient beings) which compose the whole. This goes to your comment Om, regarding relationships and the need for attachment. Forgive me if this sounds simplisitic, but this is how I view these two dynamic forces at this moment. This view is also subject to change. Viewing the role of the psychological and the spiritual for me is like trying to distinguish whether emotions precede thought or visa - versa, or do they simultaneously stimulate each other. I do not strive to disprove the wisdom of those more learned than I, but rather to understand how the two combined relieve suffering and enhance universal understanding. Om, I would be interested in hearing your thoughts.
Warm memories of time spent with friends, seem to be reflected by the perennial beds of Phlox, Bleeding Heart, Daffodils and innumberable Daylilies and Iris. While each blossom holds its own beauty as do the memories of intimate moments from the past, collectively the blending of the aromatic foliage overwhelms me and seems to fill me with a sense of being and therefore belonging to something much greater than my own limited personhood. Perhaps as you quoted Sir Nisargadatta, "I am a seeker seeking himself." Examining each blossom helps me explore who I am and enables me to step back and reflect on how collectively they create an image of how I fit in the world at this particular moment in time. For just as the flora appear differently depending on the intensity of the sun shining on it during various times of the day, so does my understanding of who I am and how I 'fit' in depend on my level of mindfulness at a given moment.
The final area of my garden which I would like to share (for I fear I have rambled too long) is the bed which springs out of the oldest corner of my flagstone wall. The corner with the strongest thistle roots - one I shall be weeding for many years to come. This bed is filled with herbs which until recently was hidden by the untended vines and brush of past painful encounters, yet now begins to not only fill my vision with beauty but also nourish both body and soul. Perhaps this bed most accurately symbolizes an awakening or evolving of my own consciousness. It is filled with the aroma of Lavender, Chives, Lemon Balm, Kiwi vines and Italian Oregano, items that enhance the food which nurishes me physically, in a similar manner as the exploration of past relationships filled with pain and joy nurtures me with a heightened understanding of what is truly important in life and how interconnected all things down to the individual atom are.
So Om, thank you for your words, which led me down a most unexpected path of exploration.
BODHI, SOME THOUGHTS ON "WHERE I WANT TO BE"
I am the Witness of the Light. And, through the Light,
the Word reveals Itself to me. Yet, as It descends
into the realm of world, the Word is loss. Loss
is Light flickering out on the way to becoming.
What we see and experience in the world is
Light refracting into thought. To live
in the world is to experience loss,
because the Light is forever
flickering out in the realm of world.
Loss is felt as loss. When mind
refuses to accept loss, loss is felt
as suffering. Just as the body experiences
pain, the mind feels suffering. To be in this world
is to suffer. Yet, to embrace suffering
is to begin the ascent of freedom from
suffering. Freedom from suffering
is the Light revealing Itself in consciousness.
What we experience as phenomena
is the shadow of Light; it is the Light
breaking down into matter.
It is the act of dying. Yet,
the act of dying is the process
of becoming as mind reveals
to itself the nature of Light.
The Word is language ascending
to the highest level of being. Language
is the Word descending into form. Ascent
is process; descent is product.
As we consciously grapple with life, we enter
into the process of becoming. As we lose
the awareness of being, we enter
into the world of products, the material,
transient world of dying and decay. This
is the world of incessant suffering. Suffering
is crisis, bardo, opportunity, the mind
crying out for the Light to reveal Itself
as it rejects the very awareness it seeks.
We do not suffer because we are bad, evil,
or weak. We all suffer in ignorance;
that is, we suffer because we ig-nore,
or lose awareness of the Light. We fall
from the process of becoming into the abyss
of product. Not that product,
or form is bad, evil, or weak,
in and of itself; for product,
or the material world is Light’s
dying gift of creation. Product
is the Light revealing Itself in
potentiality. Product is pointer, and pointer
is the finger of Light guiding
love into ascent. Walt Whitman,
in `To The Garden The World, speaks
to the Light’s descent and rise again:
TO the garden, the world, anew ascending,
Potent mates, daughters, sons, preluding,
The love, the life of their bodies, meaning
and being,
Curious, here behold my resurrection, after slumber;
The revolving cycles, in their wide sweep, have
brought me again,
Amorous, mature—all beautiful to me—all wondrous;
My limbs, and the quivering fire that ever plays
through them, for reasons, most wondrous;
Existing, I peer and penetrate still,
Content with the present—content with the past,
By my side, or back of me, Eve following,
Or in front, and I following her just the same.
-----------------------
When we follow the Light through the products
of the world, the feminine and masculine
streams of consciousness, we begin to understand
suffering. And as we begin to understand
suffering, we learn to embrace suffering.
And as we begin to embrace suffering, we
begin to see the Light again. And as we
begin to see the Light again, suffering
transforms into joy. Joy is the conscious
awareness of the Light, and the mind
beginning to grasp its own participation
in the ascent and descent of Being.
Joy is suffering revealed. Joy is the becoming
within the dying, and death the release
of Light unto Itself in Consciousness. What
we cling to, we lose; what we release we
hold forever in love and light. Suffering
is forgetting that death is Life
unencumbered by form. Suffering
is forgetting that Light is the
ceaselessness of Life. Suffering
is forgetting that we Are, now,
and forever more. Suffering
is forgetting the Word, and the words
of Light dancing, and singing across
the pages of life, “I am the Word.”
Joy is Birth revealing Itself as It emerges
from the womb. The womb is the container
of Light from which we all come. Yet, birth,
form as it first appears in the world,
is illusion, as death is illusion, for we are,
were and always will be. Nor is illusion
bad, evil, or weak, for it reveals
the manifestation of Light. It is
`I am that.’ Light is `I Am.’ Suffering
is `I Am’ clinging to `that.’ Birth
is both life and death revealed. Joy
is birth and death as one. Joy
is the beauty and truth of Light
through birth. For birth is a pointer
and reminder of the Way and ways
from which Light reveals Itself. Birth
is creativity in its highest form. Creativity
is Light in Its deepest expression of life.
Mind is Light as Word.
Mind is psyche, soul as form in Word. Mind
is the `I’ seeking itself, gathering
up the Light in complexity
through development. Mind is the womb
of soul giving birth to the `I,’ the `I’
that spawns the self that flows upward
and outward into the great expanse of light
called life. The Light needs Relationship
to reveal Itself, for we are in relationship
to the Light as we, through self awareness,
become the Light. To become is to know.
To know is to be, without the encumbrances
of this world: matter, time and space,
suffering and loss.
Life is paradox.
In the beginning is the Relationship, for the Light
cannot reveal Itself alone in this world. The Word
is the Relationship of this world. The Relationship
is the womb-creating-form through birth. Love
is the Light revealing Itself through the womb-
creating-form through birth. Love is Relationship
healing the form as it forgets the Light through
birth. Love is the Way. The Light is Good; Love
is goodness, the act of healing through Relationship.
The Relationship, through mind, nurtures growth.
Growth, by its very nature, is complex. The Relationship
guides growth through complexity. Complexity
is form transcending itself, gathering up the light
of knowing as it dissolves the shadow of unknowing.
Development is complexity gathering up the light
of knowing through revealing, retracing, renewing,
and creating anew. The Word is the Light descending.
The Word reveals Itself in language. Language
is the structuring of complexity in higher
forms of consciousness. Language is the vehicle
of Relationship, the translator of development,
and complexity revealed in higher forms
of consciousness. Language is the language
of loss and suffering. Loss and suffering
are instructive as part of the life process. Language
is development revealing itself through loss
and suffering. Language is the vehicle of transforming
suffering into Light. Language is the vehicle of healing.
Language is Light presenting Itself as Presence.
Language is the heart stretching thought into
Light through feeling.
Feeling is the birth of need through relationship.
Suffering is the loss of need through relationship.
Feeling guides the relationship as the relationship
guides development towards the Light. Loss
is relationship degenerated into darkness. Loss
is the death of the relationship at points in time
and space. Love is the reparation of loss through
presence. Presence is the language of feeling.
Presence is thought clothed in feeling. Presence
is knowing. Presence is understanding. Presence
is mirroring light through relationship. Presence
is the birth of intimacy. Intimacy is Light as presence
revealing itself through relationship.
Om, I'm speechless
Your words are filled a richness which leaves me speechless. You've captured the essence of what so many of us seem to struggle with as we search for meaning beyond this external world.
I shall enjoy reflecting on the truth and wisdom of your thoughts, along with my own growing desire "to be" in the presence of the Light.
May the distractions of this world not overshadow the illumination of what is ultimately reality.
BODHI, YOUR QUESTION REGARDING EMOTION AND THOUGHT
You say, "Viewing the role of the psychological and the spiritual for me is like trying to distinguish whether emotions precede thought or visa - versa, or do they simultaneously stimulate each other. I do not strive to disprove the wisdom of those more learned than I, but rather to understand how the two combined relieve suffering and enhance universal understanding. Om, I would be interested in hearing your thoughts."
I would like to address this point of emotion and thought. In actuality, thought and emotion are inseparable, but if you think about it from an evolutionary perspective, emotion would indeed precede thought. The term “prehension” speaks to feeling at the level of body prior to thought. Over time, body grew into mind (thought) as mind through Eros carried body across its limited physical horizon. And so, mind transcended but included body. This refutes the Christian dualistic notion of “otherworldly” which thus degraded body of its spiritual core. It’s never an either/or but both or even the many of aperspectivality. If we look at body (matter), mind, and spirit, we are merely observing different perspectives of one fused web of interconnectedness. This is the Buddhist idea of Emptiness, and also addresses the idea of dependent origination: “any phenomenon ‘exists’ only because of the ‘existence’ of other phenomena in an incredibly complex web of cause and effect covering time past, time present and time future.”
Have you ever watched a Seagull fly?
Have you ever watched a seagull fly? The other day I went for a drive and found myself parked in a local marina's parking lot along with at least a dozen other sentient beings, watching the seagulls fly. They reminded me of just how interconnected and similar we are.
For several minutes I watched them, both individually and collectively leave the stability of the beach, soar into the sky, only to fly against the wind. They struggled, they perservered, eventhough the wind seemed to be in control tossing them in every direction except what would appear to be a straightforward path. Again and again these birds fought the wind and then something would change and they would turn away from the prevailing wind, stretch out their wings and soar faster and higher like children enjoying the rocket ride at the local carnival. It was a joy to watch. For a long time I thought these seagulls were really dumb for repeatedly flying into the wind and struggling so hard when they really seemed to enjoy soaring with the current. Then I realized, the repetition of the struggle made them stronger, enabled them to fly higher and longer when the wind was at their backs and I assume made them more able to fly through the periods of stillness. They were never idle.
As I reflect on Om's posting of "Where I want to be.." this experience seems to parallel life at this moment. For don't the struggles of life, the disappointments, failed/evolving relationships or simply the reality of the impermance of life sometimes lead us to feel as if we are flying against the wind. Not getting "ahead" feeling "stuck in a rut", frustrated with the "hand we have been dealt in life". And then clarity arrives as we feel the illumination of emptiness, realize nothing is permenent, that this (whatever the this is at this particular moment) shall pass and we soar into the sky, if only for a few brief moments, stronger and more able to deal with what comes next. Knowing that our suffering shall pass and joy will be felt and we shall be stronger, more able to handle what comes our way next because of how we have practiced up to this point in time, just like the seagulls. Perhaps like these birds, we need to 'practice' more and be ready to soar higher when the opportunities present themselves - for they will.
I'm glad I found this special spot and know I shall return again to learn another lesson from my winged teachers.
BODHI AND LIVING SEAGULL
Thank you for invoking some wonderful memories of Martha's Vineyard, where the sea birds, the gulls and terns, sandpipers and ibis, all brought the imagination beyond what mind was conditioned to avoid: freedom. Not to escape the world but to find it again.
della Francesca is here today; he paints around
me a geometry of light, in gold, a figure upon figure;
and I become mathematically Christ-like, like the sun
in this moment as the holy light descends on Cedar Tree
Neck, Martha's Vineyard, at this point, where
the ocean meets sound and, having created a tidal
underflow, draws to it the crustaceans and small fish; and
there a flock of royal terns, away from their scrapes,
and in high-pitched kaks, wing-row and wing-droop, and
bill-tilt, quivering and soaring, grazing the green sea in
a white cloud of wind; and the angels have gathered in
a song of undoing, and the kaks' high chants of prayer
mimic the speech of God whose golden light enters
earth's atmosphere and radiates its length around
my figure, where the invisible lines of light gather, stretch
outward in a prism reddening the robin's breast,
the leaves of beach, the sloping bluffs of sandstone;
and the forest surround blue in winged iridescence;
and the naked figure under the strokes of
della Francesca's brush rises like a morning bloom
from sudden darkness, and finds the world again.
ARTICLE ON PARENTING AND MY RESPONSE TO ARTICLE
My friend sent me this article from the NY Times by Alfie Kohn and I had an interesting response to it. Any other responses?
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/15/health/15mind.html?_r=1&hpw
as you know, I have difficulty with the language of these types of articles basically because of their neatly categorizing behavior, cognition, feelings, parenting, etc. In short, approaching parenting through a dualistic lens that says, "It's either this way or that." The truth, and better yet, the heart of the matter in parenting, is self-awareness on the part of the parent. The more aware I am of my self (and, of course, ultimately, no self :) the less likely I will parent my child transferentially, that is, through conflict of my own unresolved issues.
To make arguments and back those arguments up with research feels suspect because the research methodology itself is suspect, based on theoretical and interpretive constructs that don't accurately align with what is real. And what is real is complexity and intimacy. And so, what I think we as a psychologically-minded culture should focus on is not how to parent as much as how to cultivate self-awareness in order to parent consciously. The fact that all children are so unique dictates against global or general advice about parenting, especially when only two ways are presented, like political parties. I am either a conditional or unconditional parent. That's absurd to me. Ultimately, I need to be unconditional in my love if I am to create an atmosphere free of all negative afflictive emotions. And yet, for my child to reach that level of understanding, he will have to learn the conditions and cause constituted in conventional reality, the reality of the world we participate in. What that means is that my work as a parent is to teach my child how to think, how to question, how to interrogate himself, me (and my warts :), and culture, commensurate with his developmental level. I don't give a rat's ass about unconditional/conditional constructs; I do give a Buddha's ass about teaching my kid how to think and dismantle reality. Now, I am very clear that this understanding can only occur through presence, that is, the psychological/relational presence of affectivity and the spiritual presence of intuition.
With regard to specific events/situations when I'm not sure what to do? I either get it right or not, but my mindfulness will help me discern what correct or incorrect mean in this particular context. At times, I'm going to kick my kid's ass; at other times, he'll kick mine. But, I have no problem making it clear to him that I'm the adult until he understands that what I've been saying all these years is that I'm a dolt. :))))))))))))))))))))))))
THE HOMOPOETIC: OVERCOMING MALE ISOLATION AND VIOLENCE
I've been corresponding with a friend of mine, a poet, who wrote: "a well written poem takes on it's own life. It will speak to you within it's own right. And you will here a different context almost every time if the metaphors are strong enough and not convoluted. Of course, when something is written about the mundane, that makes for the more fascinating poems. For instance, take Mark Doty's at the gym.
At the Gym
This salt-stain spot
marks the place where men
lay down their heads,
back to the bench,
and hoist nothing
that need be lifted
but some burden they've chosen
this time: more reps,
more weight, the upward shove
of it leaving, collectively,
this sign of where we've been:
shroud-stain, negative
flashed onto the vinyl
where we push something
unyielding skyward,
gaining some power
at least over flesh,
which goads with desire,
and terrifies with frailty.
Who could say who's
added his heat to the nimbus
of our intent, here where
we make ourselves:
something difficult
lifted, pressed or curled,
Power over beauty,
power over power!
Though there's something more
tender, beneath our vanity,
our will to become objects
of desire: we sweat the mark
of our presence onto the cloth.
Here is some halo
the living made together.
Notice how he humanizes the persons will to become an object. Yet, he still hammers home the vanity of it. The poem speaks on two fronts with very few words as brevity strikes fear in some poets, Doty chooses to be an art of it."
And my response:
"a well written poem takes on it's own life."
And a well-written life takes on its own poem! It is up to us, as you would agree, to shape it into a form that literally makes sense; sense on the level of feeling, and so, deep in the emotional body, and sense on the level of coherence and communication. Poetry for me is intrinsically relational, it begs for recognition and understanding. In that way, it does save our life; it potentially pulls us out of our isolation. And potentially here means, as you suggest, a “well-written poem.”
I’m not familiar with Doty, but I like how he makes the poem sweat (you must read Bruce Weigl!); he reminds us as men of the “burden” we have unconsciously and thus collectively chosen and continue to carry as a modern gladiator myth: that power over beauty reigns or is even necessary. We “hoist nothing/that need to be lifted.” I think the word “negative” is apt here, for this need to armor our bodies and push our cocks skyward is what I understand you refer to in “Emmett Till.” Power in the form of violence is the Archimedean point for the misguided male who, out of fear, because of difference, lashes out from a simmering, bloated hatred.
But, where Doty really succeeds is in his recognition that there is something beneath the armor, something “tender,” “our will to become objects of desire.” Now, though I disagree with Doty’s conclusion or interpretation of the Christ myth “willing to be an object of desire”—I would say, “willing to surrender to become a subject of desire”), his recognition of this deeper psychological need for connection and I would even say intimacy is the exact remedy for the isolation and violence of being male. Doty’s brilliant metaphor for the Christ shroud elevates the poem to where it —and thus, we— belong, in a sacred space of interconnectedness. All this sweat and suffering, as you suggest, is “The reason you are here where you can write, you can learn.”
A long time ago, I made peace with my father, an alcoholic, who, not until I was in my early 30’s did I learn was at 19 a war hero. And yet, it was the war that destroyed him (“he carried home his own box”) and the family (collateral damage). Doty’s poem reminded me of this weak but important early poem I wrote many years ago as part of a need to recognize and forgive my father for his destruction. Here is the mundane, my mother folding wash outside our little apartment and me, like so many boys, living war:
boot camp
in queens, the midday sirens
tell me it's time for war. my mother
folds her last wash, then shuffles
with basket in hand toward the apartment steps.
the air is crisp, summer has ended
the clothes, fresh and fragrant
have that cold dryness to the touch.
i am nine and have already spent many days
exploring this land of wash, the wet clothes
hanging line to line from two makeshift poles
like old galleons.
it starts in spring, the armies
of little clothespin soldiers marching down
toward the front line, taking position
till further orders from the pocket general
of my mother's apron are announced.
i am a soldier running through the lines
running the sails, calling the battle cries
a crab apple branch my arms.
i prepare to charge
fling my young head
against the sheets of humanity
i forewarn the world, my enemy
that my day will come.
i now see my father
the young medic in okinawa
quickly preparing slings
for broken arms
against red sheets
running the sails of stretchers
calling the cries
picking up pieces of bodies offshore
the blown out bellies
like flowers bursting in bloom,
faces indistinguishable
the bulging eyes and stiff gaping holes
around cries silenced by the flames.
Neurotic Parents - Neurotic Children - Why Perpetuate the Cycle
"A child will change your life forever." A simple phrase which most of us never fully comprehend. We oftentimes think: I want to be the parent I had, or didn't have. I want to fulfill some arbitrary expectation of what a Super Parent 'should' look like. I've internalized what my parenting style will be from family, friends, society, religious affiliation, or created in my own mind, the list could go on and on depending on our own personal experiences, circumstances and of course our culture of origin. But what does it really mean to be a "good parent."
Om, I read the article from the Times which you included in your post and wrestled within myself as to how I wanted to respond. I wish to express my thoughts/opinions from two perspectives: the childhood memories of a Western adult and a parent of a teenage son. I need to intertwine these views, for the psychological roots of my parenting are intertwined, consisting of both the gnarled old tap-roots scared by time, and my unresolved parent/child issues, and younger more nurtured roots still working on where they wish to nestle into the earth, to nurture both my growing sense of self and consequently how I am evolving and parenting our son today, which is far different from yesterday or hopefully from tomorrow.
Yet, I don't want to merely add to the messages reflected in those parenting publications which fill row after row of shelf space in the local bookstores. Or sound as if 'I' possess the magic formula for raising the perfect child - which of course is found in the book "The Formula for Raising the Perfect Child, Which Every Parent - Thinks - They Read, or Wishes They Had" What I do understand is that the impact of conditional parenting is all around us. All we need to do is be mindful and see its impact on the faces and actions of the people we pass on the street going to and from work, in-line at the local grocery store on a Saturday morning, as we wait patiently for the person in front of the cashier to finish her transaction while attending to the fussing child sitting in her cart, or our colleagues at work who are always on edge, seeking approval or attention anyway they can from the boss, or when watching the parents at a youth sporting event, who can't stop themselves from coaching their anxiety filled son who feels frozen on the field and fears the inevitable rejection from dad for not being "good enough." Sadly, dad felt the same way when his father was on the bench watching him strike out during little league. As if the Earth's rotation around the Sun depended on that one moment and everything would cease to exist if he failed, ironically in the eyes of his father, the failure was his, yet sadly in the heart of the son, it was one more scare lacing the web of inferiority cradling his soul which he would carry into adulthood.
I would like to ask the 'experts' promoting a conditional approach to parenting, who view the expression of love as something to be "earned" a simple question. When did the intangible emotion of love become a quantity to be rewarded or withheld and what are the acceptable distribution levels for the child's compliance?
Why do we so quickly forget the overwhelming sense of heart-filled happiness we experienced the first time we held our child in our arms, or listened to them breath in and out, a rhythm indicative of total inner peace, and the promise we made to always "love," protect, nurture and care for the child we call our son or daughter. When did we put on the new lenses and begin to see raising a child as a job with rigid benchmarks to be checked off at specific designated times. When did the river of understanding become blocked with the debris of our own personal issues, demands presented by society or our spiritual beliefs. How easy it was to feel good about our child's successes when we created the list, they meant or surpassed the benchmarks and we were declared, Super Parents of exceptional children by the outside world.
Of course parenting means instilling the rules of behavior which a civilized society expects of each citizen is important, along with teaching the concept of cause and effect. Yet, how many children have heard their parents say, "As long as you live in this house you will do as I say." Wouldn't it be wiser to let them explore who they are (within legal limits) with a safety net of parental love. Knowing that no matter how badly they "mess up", they always have the love and support of their parents waiting for them.
When did love for our son or daughter become so distorted that professionals in child development speak of parental love as if it represents a salary for a job well done, and as determined purely by external forces, primarily the parents' baggage. When did doing your best, or developing self-awareness become something no longer valued. I've watched parents and teachers turn the twinkle in a child's eye into the dull cloud of conformity and poorly veiled sense of intrinsic worthlessness. Or the adult child who after failing his prelims for his Ph.D. was so ashamed for failing his parents, he tried to commit suicide. I was the one who found this young man in his bath tub, alive but severely brain damaged from prolonged lose of blood. In the end, his parents flew in from the East to take their only son home, now unable to ever take care of himself. How many adults have each of us known, who when they are around their parents revert to the samll child still craving mom or dad's acceptance/approval and having never felt it, don't know how to fully express it to their own child without smothering them, as I did to my son for many years.
AS time passed, the roots of my own childhood experiences seem to be exposed by the illumination of truth. Memories of how I was treated would flashback with the same emotional intensity I felt as a child - but now I am the adult, the parent, yet still the child. I found myself transferentially parenting my son based on my own unresolved issues without understanding the impact of my actions. Subconsciously, I strived to fill the holes I felt as a child by over-filling my child's river. As the child I felt neglected, felt the impact of the scares my parents experienced and internalized their messages until they became part of my core, the wall around my soul which would thicken over time, diminishing my own capacity to cultivate my own self-awareness and I would spend years but not a life-time living in a fog. This is not what I wanted to pass onto my son.
As my son grew, for awhile so did his needs. However, his needs grew in two very different directions. While he needed to learn how to function in society, to learn self-control, what it means that we are all interconnected in this universe and of course compassion for others and himself, he also needed to explore what it means to be self-aware and accepting which will hopefully form the taproots of who he will evolve into as time passes and the cycle of life continues. For me this is where unconditional love is critical.
I find it totally unfathomable to conceptualize a parent's love being based on the child's compliance. For me this distorts the meaning of love, reducing it to the pawn in a game of chess, which is easily discarded to position the parent for the next 'win.' Whatever happened to sending the messge, "I love you, but don't like your behavior."
BODHI AND THE AWAKENED POST
Bodhi, very beautiful post on parenting. What does it mean to be a good parent? It means finding the most sacred space and looking into to it but with eyes closed in order to see that the space is not a space at all, but a question. And the question is the most simple and difficult question: “Who am I?” And as you begin to look into the question, the anxiety around needing to have answers and find techniques and look good and not make mistakes causes the space to contract and close in on you, to the point where very little interiority is left. Mind wants knowledge yet mind needs knowing. Knowing is the interior space from which the question is spawned. It is always there waiting to guide you. It knows that your child is already the perfect child but not because he is perfectly behaved. He is perfect because he is perfect for you; he is your mirror like everything created in your life, moment to moment, reflecting back the question: “Who am I?” And the mind rails: “That sounds great but what do I do when this or that?” History and the beliefs gnarled around the memories that bind the beliefs keep poking at you to do something, to fix this and that, to plan this or that. But, something deeper is pushing through, like early spring crocus sticking its head out from the snow. The Witness, the One who holds the question. It reminds you that you didn’t sit today, that you didn’t wake up and say, “I’m grateful to be alive so that I can cultivate compassion for all beings.” The Witness queries why you didn’t record your dream, why you didn’t interrogate the very language you think and speak, why you feel resistant or stuck in trying to literally change your mind. But, the Witness never judges, for judgment lacks compassion and the Witness is always compassionate. The Witness only want to know, only wants to seek, only want to love.
Who Am I - Question or Quest
Om, I whole-heartedly agree with your comments. Your remarks regarding being a "good parent" translating into the exploration of "Who am I" is filled with the simple (yet for most of us evasive) truth of life. I smile at your comment regarding "the mind wanting knowledge but needs knowing." Perhaps this is why the notion of conditional 'anything' is popular in the West. Given the reality that humans in general abhor uncertainty, having "experts" espouse the virtues of quantifying the distribution of one's love or for that matter any positive emotional response to many sounds rational, to me it is dillusional. It reduces the complexity of human relationships to a simple set of instructions one might find in a cookbook.
I would however suggest that exploring "Who am I" is more than a question. For a question might have many singular responses, which might promote the notion of "ego" truly existing. I would rather suggest that "Who am I" is an ever winding journey of exploring the interconnectedness of all things and the ultimate illumination of the emptiness of one's self. While I wish my own path to understanding was a bit more linear, lacking and state of bardo, the pursuit of understanding is certainly richer than living in a constant state of thick London fog.
I'VE JUST BEEN INFORMED THAT JAMES IS BUDDHIST
I learned recently that James is at Columbia taking a course on Buddhism with the world renown Buddhist scholar Bob Thurman. As part of the course, there is a required reading list and a web "bulletin board" for students to post. Following are james' posts to other students regarding the Vimalakīrti Sutra. he wrote to me:
"i'll try and take some of this energy to the blog. these, of course, are w/o the context of the original posts, but i don't think it'll matter much to you. at times the context will be clear from my phrasing, at all times methinks the context won't much matter for your understanding. and, of course, i can send you w/e if you'd like to see it. they all wrote great posts. the questions are often the wrong questions ;) but of course they are! and anyway, the nature of all things is liberation..."
----
I'd like to respond to a number of the posts I've thus far read.
What a gem we have here! Vimalakīrti -- holy teachings indeed. In my estimation, we have in front of us the key to Buddhism/Buddhist teaching. It's really quite simple, and yet…Vimalakīrti tells the frightened Subhūti,"All language does not ultimately exist, except as liberation. The nature of all things is liberation" (28). Wow! Or, in other words--- What?
Vimalakīrti is telling us to chill out, not take things so seriously. Yet, he warns, we also must be more diligent, take things more seriously. How is this possible? You see, Vimalakīrti is large, he contains multitudes. On the one hand we take language (for example!) too seriously-- we become attached to one meaning, and when that meaning is challenged (as it is for Subhūti by Vimalakīrtis strange words) we become frightened and often angry. In moments such as these one can physically feel one's attachment, as one's body constricts around the meaning with which one is comfortable, protecting it fiercely from the confusing challenge assaulting it.
Yet, on the other hand, we do not take language seriously enough. You see, we fail to recognize that the nature of language is liberation. This is no small thing to be taken lightly! This is not something to be tossed about without care. One must pay diligent care and attention to language -- that which we speak and that which is spoken to us -- in order to recognize what is present with and as it at all times: liberation. If the nature of language is liberation, really we must not be paying very close attention. We speak and speak and speak and yet-- none of us is liberated!
So one must be very careful -- both to take things (such as language, or oneself) both less and more seriously. Because nothing ultimately exists, except as liberation.
And so: onto the posts of my curious classmates!
T: In Sanskrit, bodhisattva literally means "One whose essence is perfect knowledge." Yes, there is perhaps a distinction between a Buddha and a Bodhisattva… but, what is that distinction? What, really, is the difference? E.g., in response to some of S's pondering, if the Buddha did not in fact attain parinirvāṇa, do you suppose this is because he failed to? Or do the Mahāyānists want you to see the Buddha as having chosen -- as he did initially after his enlightenment -- to remain in the world out of compassion for others? There is an important distinction here. Surely the Buddha could have extinguished his karmic stream had he so wished. But if he chose, on the other hand -- emphasis on choice--, to remain eternally, as long as there are sentient beings experiencing suffering, out of a wish to see an end to their suffering (i.e., compassion), he is surely exhibiting supreme compassion. How, T, is this different from a bodhisattva? We can distinguish between various enlightened beings, and perhaps there is some difference, but if we become too attached to these distinctions we may lose sight of the liberation found therein. All language does not ultimately exist!
A, I think you ask an extremely important question, one which I believe should be re-asked over and over again, even by fools like me who mistakenly believe they understand the answer. You can find, with me, the enormous gulf between intellectual understanding and experiential understanding. Hence: I suffer. But: what are we? We are certainly no thing, but that does not mean that we are nothing. Form is emptiness, yes (aka "matter is voidness" -- but isn't that so ugly sounding?), but remember, emptiness is form. Form is not other than emptiness. But: Emptiness is not other than form. That is to say, all is not nothing, nor is anything something. I know, I know, paradox again. But if things are paradoxical, what can one do but speak paradox? You speak on behalf of the many billions of people on the planet-- yet I would ask you, does majority necessarily denote authority? In 1984 the protagonist finds himself "a minority of one." That doesn't mean his thoughts are misguided… But, more importantly, is the important distinction I made earlier between "no thing" and "nothing." "Nothing" implies nihilism: nothing exists. That is not what the Buddha is saying. What he is saying is that nothing ultimately exists, or, as you put it, nothing has "inherent existence." Ergo, all things have only relative existence. You exist, just not inherently. Let me try to be less enigmatic. If the Buddha passed you by on the road he would say, "Hello A." But how? If you don't exist inherently, how could he refer to you in this way? Because "A" refers to what you experience as "I." The difference between the Buddha and you is simple: he recognizes that "A" is merely a convenient designator of an aggregation of causes and conditions, and thus he can refer to and converse with you without mistaking you for an inherently existing being. You, on the other hand, mistake "I" for something real. Surely you exist, but notreally. I know, this isn't much clearer. But all I can do is point -- there's a good reason I'm not as eloquent as Vimalakīrti! Just remember, language does not ultimately exist.
A: can a fairy tale help guide you towards enlightenment? If not, I would ask if your comparison holds up. If so (as perhaps Vimalakīrti would maintain), I would ask whether it matters whether these are words spoken by Gautama Buddha or, on the other hand, "merely fairy tales." If words had to have come from Śakyamuni Buddha's mouth to be considered authentic Buddhist teachings, perhaps we are at a complete loss. We better just forego the entire process altogether!
I would suggest -- as I believe Professor Thurman would -- that the notion of a bodhisattva ideal is already present in Theravāda Buddhism (or, perhaps I should call it "Dualistic Buddhism"). The Buddha did not commit religious suicide after his enlightenment. At first he was reluctant, but then he realized that he could indeed spread his message. But you see, even the Buddha at first was unsure how this would be done. He had to meditate on it for a long while, and only then did he become confident that he could begin to teach other humans -- defiled though our minds may be -- that which he learned under the bodhi tree. He had to uncover many ways of teaching many different humans. You see, all language does not ultimately exist.
And so we come to M's question: do we have no free will? Are we slaved to the voices in our heads? And, further, will our thoughts and decisions ever become our "own"? What I love best, M, is how you put 'own' into quotation marks. What would the difference be between, say, our thoughts becoming our own, and on the other hand, our thoughts becoming our "own"? Perhaps you are reluctant to leave off the quotation marks, knowing some clever trickster like me will come along and say, "To what does this 'own' refer? Where is your self?!" Again, one must remember that language does not ultimately exist, except as liberation. And so, how does one help to liberate one who is so enmeshed in the Western mindset? This, after all, is the task of Thurman's "Inner Revolution." First, perhaps, one must unsettle the outermost layer of ignorance. Can one pierce straight to the core? Perhaps a supremely advanced teacher could bring a willing student very far very quickly… but a multitude? This is very difficult. Professor Thurman wants to challenge us, to unsettle us, and yet to inspire us all at once. If we had no free will, what would be the point of his book? How could we ever aspire to destroy our self-imposed enslavement to the thoughts of other, if we are not ever capable of deciding? I believe that we in the West require something different than, say, a Tibetan Buddhist monk would in order to spur us onto the path. You see, we must ultimately destroy our false notion of self (as independent, isolated, inherently existing), but we must have a strong notion of self first if we are to destroy it. This is where something like therapy comes into play. All things are conditioned. We are no different, and the conditions of our mind include the instructions (both intentional and unintentional) of our parents, our community, our friends. But if these have led us astray, we must learn to quiet their voices. But when we learn to still the voices of other in our minds, will we discover our own voices, or that we have misunderstood the nature of our minds? I'm not sure. Perhaps at this point different people will be at different levels. But, you see, all language does not inherently exist, except as liberation. Read "Inner Revolution" with this in mind, and perhaps you will find you can take it both less and more seriously at once. (Although, I am largely just being provocative-- questioning in response to reading "Inner Revolution" reflects, I think, a good level of seriousness :)
Finally, S: Yes! One must understand reincarnation (and subscribe to the view that we are reincarnated) if one is to understand birth. A question: why is it that I was born in a small town in Queens full of confused and misguided people, whereas Tenzin Gyatso was born in Tibet and recognized as the Dalai Lama and thus instructed in the Dharma since he was a very young child? The only answer can be karma. Otherwise one would say either that God made it that way (which I would then respond to by saying, "Why?" or "What does that mean?"), or that it's sheer dumb luck. But neither position is ultimately tenable. Hence: reincarnation. Of course, I don't imagine I've suddenly convinced you, but certainly we can agree that, indeed, the explanation for the impurity of the human mind already present at birth is karma. It is my personal belief that even those who are not very spiritually achieved in a way choose their parents. It is not so clear-sighted and willed a choice as, say, the Buddha's choice to be born as Siddhartha Gautama, but we do seem to find ourselves in curiously fitting situations when we are born. We are born, it seems to me, to that situation (e.g. our parents) in which we will best be challenged. It's a sort of cosmic samsaric skillful means, whereby no external source selects our birth (there would be a morality inherent in this), but our karma determines that which we most need to bring us further along the path. This, then, would clarify some of the troubling notions of heaven and hell realms. One would no longer need to ask, "Who determines that I am going to a hell realm?" Well, I do, in a way. Lots of curious thoughts, eh? Well, all language does not ultimately exist, except as liberation. Who needs morality if the nature of all things is liberation? Sinning, God would say, is inherently wrong. Sinning, Vimalakīrti would say, is not inherently wrong. This does not make it simply acceptable. What it means is that it does not exist inherently. Sinning is liberation. This does not mean one can sin all one wants without consequence. Sin necessarily has consequences because, like all else, it is empty. If you can see through the Buddha's eyes, however, you recognize that sin is liberation. How? Good question.
I know I just wrote a very long post, and I hope that's okay… Vimalakīrti excited me very much! It's all empty words, anyway. I must of course add that I am primarily inspired by Tibetan Buddhism, and thus I'm likely to "side with" the Mahāyānists. Though, I don't think there's as huge separation between the vehicles as those enmeshed in them seem to. Perhaps I'm mistaken. Any challenges?
"The nature of all things is like illusion, like magical incarnation. So you should not fear them. Why? All words have that nature, and thus the wise are not attached to words, nor do they fear them. Why? All language does not ultimately exist, except as liberation. The nature of all things is liberation."
--------
Uh oh; more posts. Now that I've gotten going, I wonder whether I'll be able to stop. This is an addendum to my previous post, and thus I hope that if you are reading this you get a chance to first look over my previous post (though, I understand, that one was rather verbose...)
So, three more posts, three more paragraphs. A, I was struck very deeply by your question regarding mental illness. This is a powerful reminder that, playful though I am with this material, it is not to be taken lightly. The one thing I would like to point out-- and this is something I will most likely repeatedly stress throughout the semester-- is that the Buddha is not making a moral claim. That's what "The Secret" offers, and "The Secret" is very very misguided. (Says me.) Thus if one is limited by one's mental illness (as I would imagine many, if not most, affected by mental illness are), it is not the result of being bad, and it is not inherently so. The nature of all things is liberation, and so even very debilitating mental illness is, somehow, liberation. This is a very beautiful message, not a mean, ugly one. And yet, it is very hard to understand. But what I can offer, at least, is what I have already said: the theory of karma is not a moral theory. There is an ethics (hence the early and oft-continued insistence upon Buddhism's "ten commandments" -- but the distinction between the Judeo-Christian moral commandments and the non-moral Buddhist ones is huge), but not a morality. Mental illness does not reveal "badness," nor does it necessitate limitation. Perhaps one specific being is protected and nurtured from within the situation of mental illness. Perhaps another is deeply challenged according to her deepest (karmic) needs. Perhaps another is severely limited. All of this is okay, even if it is sometimes frightening and sad.
S: I very much dislike the word "voidness." It strikes me as extremely ugly, and I greatly prefer the term "emptiness." I'll ask ProfT why he goes with the former. What, I would ask you, is infinity? Does the Buddha teach infinity? If so, in what way? And thus, what would it mean in a Buddhist context? I love your question. "Why can we not use matter to refer to [the table] without including voidness?' Well, the table is matter, that is clear. But it is also voidness. That is to say, it is also emptiness, which is to say it is empty of inherent existence. A quick thought experiment, courtesy of Thich Nhat Hanh (see: "The Heart of Understanding" -- a very quick read). Can you see the clouds in the table? You see, the table is made of wood, which was once a tree. While alive, this tree was fed by the rainwater which was, before it became rain, a cloud. The tree is also fed by the sun, and thus the sun is also in this table. You, too, are in this table. And thus the table does not exist on its own, separately from everything else in the universe. It is interconnected with all else, and thus we say it has the nature of voidness, or emptiness. As Vimalakīrti would point out, all language does not ultimately exist, and thus we must not become attached to words. "Voidness" does sound like "the void," but we must be careful. Voidness is matter, but matter is also voidness. Voidness is not other than matter; yet we must not forget, matter is not other than voidness. One cannot separate the two. Thus, I think, we must do a better job in class of clarifying the terms "voidness, emptiness," because I believe the answer to your question (or, perhaps, the answer to the question you would otherwise be asking--) is to be held therein…
O, you also have many interesting thoughts. I cannot help but respond to everything I have seen written on this discussion board. It is all so rich and thoughtful. (I'm so excited!) I would ask you what you suppose Prof.T is doing here. Is he expressing disapproval -- which is to say, is he pitting the "politic of enlightenment" completely against "the modern human rights tradition"? Are they pitted against one another, is he expressing disapproval (and thus a moral judgment), or is he pointing out the limitations of the modern human rights tradition in the light of a politic of enlightenment? Perhaps the modern human rights tradition is well-guided, but limited. I would ask the same about the interest in Western interest in Buddhism (which, unless I am mistaken, you seem to conflate with the modern human rights tradition). Is Thurman disapproving of this interest, or is he eager to dispel misunderstandings which lead to a limited approach? Of course, these questions are a bit loaded, and I apologize for that. Even so… all language does not ultimately exist. Even loaded language.
Now, S, you ask further juicy questions. I would like to suggest a hypothesis which would perhaps surprise some people in my life who accuse me of being a Buddhist and fear my becoming a monk (they should do no such thing; there is no danger of such a renunciation occurring). My suggestion is the following: some Buddhist texts are propaganda. In the same breath I would assert that all language does not ultimately exist, except as liberation, and thus even seemingly transparent moral injunctions against those damn Hinayānists (as the mean Mahāyānist might say) may perhaps contain something deeper than its ostensibly propagandistic message. But onto other things… Whence this enormous difference?! (If it's propaganda, perhaps the difference is exaggerated -- I would suggest such a thing is occurring.) Just a quick thought on your last question -- you say, "If someone is just able to transfer their suffering…" and I think this is a telling re-wording of the original phrasing. One is not transferring one's own suffering; rather the bodhisattva is taking the other's suffering upon him/herself. Though your challenge still stands, in a sense, what I would like to underline is the enormity of the bodhisattva's action. This is what is being emphasized here. Yes, I would agree the suffering individual must still have to do the work to attain enlightenment… but imagine the power of the bodhisattva, to be able to work such magic! How is it possible? Is it? Perhaps not… but it's nice poetry, at least, eh? And certainly a pretty inspirational idea. What compassion! No, but really. Maybe we can get real mystical with this and find bodhisattvas everywhere by recognizing that the nature of all things is liberation...
THE DALAI LAMA AND THE UNDERSTANDING OF EMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT
I've been debating with my Buddhist friends for years about whether Buddhist meditation practice and teachings alone are sufficient for enlightenment or, to be more modest, to free oneself of all negative afflictive emotions. I argue, particularly for the western literally "self-centered" mind, that a deep therapeutic unlayering of afflictive emotions and the concomitant distorted thought products (ie, beliefs) is also a necessary component in achieving that lofty aim. My choice of therapeutic inquiry is psychoanalytically informed, primarily because it sublates, or exposes faulty thinking and erroneous beliefs around self concept and relationship. Understanding and thus integrating the transferential (slipping into old relational patterns) and interpersonal (the here-and-now relationship) modes of relating into awareness is a clear path to understanding, what for the Buddhist philosopher, is the entry point on the royal road to understanding the ultimate nature of reality, which is empty of inherent existence.
Recently, I had what I consider a most extraordinary vote of confirmation from The Dalai Lama, a confirmation by the way, that felt nothing less than a transmission of wisdom. In his new book, `Emotional Awareness,' with Paul Ekman, The Dalai Lama said,
"One of the things that has become quite clear, as a result of these discussions, is that in the Buddhist texts there is a lot of attention paid to the specific afflictions, their causal mechanisms, and the antidotes that need to be cultivated to respond to them. yet, there does not seem to be enough attention paid to the developmental process. At what stage, and what kind of specific antidote should be applied? When is this appropriate? That kind of developmental process does not seem to be identified in the texts." p. 240
What The Dalai Lama reveals here is an ostensibly simple statement regarding a deeply complex psychological process of cognitive and emotional development. What he does not and perhaps cannot say is that what we call self is a matrix of mental processes constituted and formed in and through relationship, developed in particular ways that necessarily fortify false beliefs regarding reality, language, culture, self, and relationship. Though the self ultimately is neither permanent nor independent, it does exist and exists in ways that potentially promote its own dissolution and hence, liberation from all negative afflictive emotions and the concomitant distorted thought products that result in ignorance and suffering, not only for the individual but for all beings. I understand that this is a very expansive view of therapeutic inquiry but, as Mathieu Ricard reminds us in `The Quantum and the Lotus,' Buddhist inquiry is primarily therapeutic in that it heals the ruptures of misunderstanding (ignorance). But, as I previously argued, Buddhist inquiry alone, as promulgated in its traditional texts, is limited in its attention to the highly complex phenomenon called self as it (misin)forms and (un)develops over a lifetime.
An Empty Question
Now, Om, I have not yet read this fairly new text, and I hope to soon rectify that deficiency. But allow me to question your argument a little bit anyway.
You call this a vote of confidence from the Dalai Lama, but I'm not yet convinced. He "admits" here that there is an ostensible deficiency in Buddhist texts, an oversight, if you will, of the developmental process. And perhaps he would even (and perhaps even does!) go on to agree that more attention to this aspect of experience would be helpful. But, to keep it simple, would this then mean, for the Dalai Lama, that meditation practice and Buddhist teachings, when diligently practiced and studied, are not sufficient on their own to bring a Westerner to freedom from negative afflictive emotions?
A RESPONSE EMPTY OF RESPONSIBILITY
James, very sweet question. It reminds me of the 1988 Bentsen-Quayle Vice Presidential Debate, in which Dan Quayle (yes, the same Dan Quayle who believed they speak Latin in latin America) said, "I have far more experience than many others that sought the office of vice president of this country. I have as much experience in the Congress as Jack Kennedy did when he sought the presidency. I will be prepared to deal with the people in the Bush administration, if that unfortunate event would ever occur." At which point, Senator Bensten replied, "Senator, I served with Jack Kennedy, I knew Jack Kennedy, Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine. Senator, you are no Jack Kennedy."
And so, James, I am no Buddhist but I would very strongly speculate that, for The Dalai Lama, meditation practice and Buddhist teachings, when practiced and studied diligently, ARE sufficient on their own to bring a Westerner to freedom from negative afflictive emotions." But, with that said, I also believe that The Dalai Lama speaks out of both sides of his void.
ANOTHER DALAI LAMA MOMENT
Carl Sagan, in an interview, once remarked, "in theological discussions with religious leaders, I often ask what their response would be if a central tenet of their faith were disproved by science. When I put this question to the Dalai Lama, he unhesitatingly replied as no conservative or fundamentalist religious leaders do: In such a case, he said, Tibetan Buddhism would have to change. Even, I asked, if it's a really central tenet, like (I searched for an example) reincarnation? Even then, he answered. However, he added with a twinkle - it's going to be hard to disprove reincarnation."
JAMES, A MORE IMPORTANT ISSUE
Since I am in no position to speculate about The Dalai Lama's convictions, I imagine he is better now than ever acquainted with the Western mind. I also imagine he is deeply committed to changing the Western mind, not into an Eastern mind, but more of a never ever mind. I also imagine that he realizes, especially after all The Mind and Life conferences and meetings with Western scientists, that the Western mind has a challenge with regard to enlightenment that the Eastern mind doesn't, unless through some perverted alchemical process, the Eastern mind started a McDonalds franchise (which I imagine would make it a sick version of an already sick Western mind). And so, I imagine still that The Dalai Lama realizes that, in order to expedite this awareness-raising process in which more people reach higher levels of spiritual development, the traditional Buddhist texts will require some kind of modification, perhaps -- according to his statements in `Emotional Awareness'-- a modification that reflects "more attention" to psychological development. This, i imagine, is a strong possibility.
Will have more to say
in the next few days when the heavy schedule clears and I have had the opportunity spend time at a talk and sit with the Dalai Lama on Saturday. Happy to say that Robert Thurman will be speaking in the afternoon - oh, James, I am thrilled that you are taking his class. I have listened to as many talks as I could find by him online and find him fascinating and a very engaging speaker. If I could make myself into a tiny, tiny thing, I would go to class in your backpack.
How was the Dalai Lama
Emily, I am eager to hear about your weekend experiences. What was it like to listen and sit with the Dalai Lama. Please forgive me for being envious.
I do have a question for you regarding community. I've been thinking a lot about what it means to be part of a community, as well as, how to step into one. Any thoughts on this topic which you might like to share.
Bodhi
am sitting with this marvelous weekend. Have started writing a few observations, but will take me a little longer. My mind is like a patch work quilt - lot of pieces of fabric that take time for me to see how they stitch together. But I am working on it. I have much to say about the weekend and my talk last week to bereaved parents and siblings, which was, for lack of a better way to say it,, a celebration of life.
Emily
I like the imagery of your quilt - lots of unique pieces, which individually are filled with emptiness, yet together represent the interconnectedness of life. I can't wait to see what you create. Enjoy your sitting, the work, but most of all enjoy life.
Just a little emptiness
I wish I could say what this weekend has been for me in detail, but I am afraid, I can only relay my experience with a very broad stroke. Saturday was spent at American University, where the Dalai Lama spoke for two hours.. In the afternoon, scholars including among others: Robert Thurman and two very impressive monks, Tsoknyi Rinpoche III and Jesun Khandro Rinpoche discussed the morning teachings in greater detail.. Tsoknyi Rimpnoche was impressive, funny, present, and able to respond to complex questions in the most simple, eloquent and humorous ways. And on Sunday, I went to the National Cathedral to hear Karen Armstrong speak about what religion means in the modern world. Through different imagery, they both spoke of exactly the same ideas, the same beliefs, and the same hopes. Both, in their roles on a world stage, speak of connection, understanding, tolerance and compassion.
The Dalia Lama’s message was for religious tolerance. The motivation of all religions is similar: love, honesty, kindness. He spoke about how the great religious teachers base their teaching on helping others. In this talk, the Dalai Lama was very much building bridges between Buddhist thought and all spiritual thought. He was in many ways talking from “a world leader/political leader role, as well as a spiritual guide. He spoke about compassion as an aspiration; something that is a very active and engaged process. One must understand the nature of suffering, not just to free one self, but in order to free others. Understanding the nature of suffering is wisdom. Wisdom leads to experiences of deep intimacy and empathy with others ( this is loving kindness). He clarified quite eloquently the role of meditation as the means by which we can transform what we “know in ideas” into knowing in our body and actions.. Meditation is the vehicle for integrating what we know. We have to allow things to be as they are. Buddhism is a practice for becoming compassionate human beings.
I am making this all too simplistic, but I have not begun to digest a fraction of what I heard (and the fraction of what my memory allows me to remember). Someone asked, if Buddhists have “faith.” The answer given by Jesun Khando was this: Yes, a Buddhist might need faith at the beginning of practice but once he understands things as they are, faith is no longer needed .Someone asked Tsoknyi Rinpoche, how to deal with all the negative feelings he had about himself. His answer: Push the delete button.
Tame the mind. Tame the mind. The root of all happiness and suffering is in the mind.
That is all for now. I am calm in the midst of chaos around me. This is life. I see it. I am grateful to be alive. .
RE JUST A LITTLE EMPTINESS
oh she may be weary
them young girls they do get wearied
wearing that same old funky dress
but when she gets weary
you try just a little emptiness
oh man that
un hunh
i know shes waiting
just anticipating
the thing that you'll never never possess
no no no
but while she there waiting
try just a little bit of emptiness
thats all you got to do
now it might be a little bit sentimental no
but she has her greavs and care
but the soft words they are spoke so gentle
yeah yeah yeah
and it makes it easier to bear
oh she wont regret it
no no
them young girls they dont forget it
love is their whole happiness
yeah yeha yeah
but its all so easy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDhsBhc8CEQ
Thank you Om
The song made me smile down to my bones. I want to smile, to jump up and down, and to weep - I want to bow. How can this be? But it can be. Had anyone told me I would know what I know, I would have said, yes, I know there is this to know, but how, how, how?
Like you say - Practice. Practice. Practice. Live it. Live it.
I have become a very simple woman. .
Envious
Oh, Emily what an opportunity you have this weekend. Sitting with the Dalai Lama and Robert Thurman, if you need someone to carry your baggage (of all forms) just say the word and I shall be ready and able to assist.
I've been experiencing my own personal bardo these past few days and would benefit from a bit of mind stretching. Do enjoy yourself and I shall have a glass of wine ready to enjoy as I read about your experiences.
Envious
Oh, Emily what an opportunity you have this weekend. Sitting with the Dalai Lama and Robert Thurman, if you need someone to carry your baggage (of all forms) if you would like some assistance.
I've been experiencing a my own personal bardo these past few days and would benefit from a bit of mind stretching. Do enjoy yourself and I shall have a glass of wine ready to enjoy as I read about your experiences.
I need it
My head is swirlling with the leaves this morning and I am not doing half of what I need to be doing. Just one of those internal, I need to rest kind of days - used to need them more often, but now, only once in a while. I gave a talk last night on death, grief, and it went very very well - I was relaxed and present, but everything leading up to that moment was like the final hike up a steep mountain. I knew once I arrived it would be exhilirating, that it is what I have been in training to do, and now, if there is a next time, it will be easier It was as if I have been waiting all my life for this moment, and it was, just as I hoped, just one moment - no greater no lesser than any other. What an amazing journey to the present.
So much of my talk was informed by my sitting practice. Afterwards a bereaved parent came up to me and said to me that she is taking away two things: be present and be honest. I saw such suffering last night, real grief, and lots of lingering unresolved grief from people who have been struggling for decades. At the end one person asked me what I felt like now, all these years after my sister died. I said," I am so sorry that she died and I am so happy to be alive." And at last, I feel, at rest.
BODHI SEEKS SATTVA
BODHI, YOU SAY, “I would however suggest that exploring "Who am I" is more than a question. For a question might have many singular responses, which might promote the notion of "ego" truly existing. I would rather suggest that "Who am I" is an ever winding journey of exploring the interconnectedness of all things and the ultimate illumination of the emptiness of one's self. “
When we go deep into “who am I?” all responses hit a wall, because the journey of the question can only make stops at what I am not. At a certain point, after prolonged questioning (read meditation!), the I drops into the ocean of emptiness, into no-self. At a certain point, even the Witness dissolves, that beautiful friend who guided through the ego’s wasteland.
Fluidity of existence
Om, I prefer the flow or imagery of your latest comment. I believe most sentient beings are excellent builders of walls, I know this from personal experience. You also present another example of the beauty of combining the psychological with the spiritual in one's life.
Just think of the beautiful garden which could be created if the collective wasteland from all egos could be transformed from manure into fertilizer for growth. :)
BODHI
"Just think of the beautiful garden which could be created if the collective wasteland from all egos could be transformed from manure into fertilizer for growth. :)"
It sounds like this past weekend. As I'm breaking ground for the vegetable gardens at the retreat, I take in this strangely odiferous fragrance that, of course, is either horse or cow shit, and I say, "Ooh, Heaven made it down."
alchemy
it’s like an emptying… what crows caw to
tossing what was heaped out onto a pile
like compost, how it takes
what needs to burn
and works it with heat
water, air and earth;
and like a chocolate mouth
sucking it down whole
shitting out what something else can use;
the heap that once was turns to gold.
NOTE TO A FRIEND
You see, the problem the way i see it is that we don't think and thus communicate clearly. We don't go far enough in what we articulate and know. Some say that Tolle is a watered-down version of "amazing spiritual teachings," which might very well be true, but what does that mean? The reason I was originally drawn to Nagarjuna is that he says the problem isn't that we have too much reason; it's that we don't have enough. That is, reason, the search for truth, left wisdom -- knowing -- behind, in the same way Western psychology left "psyche" -- consciousness -- behind. If truth isn't rooted in the deep body, the feeling body of direct experience, what we are left with is a vacuum. Tolle feels close to the elevationist tendency toward idealism, where emptiness dances around in bliss, but without the grounding of form, of reason. Form, as direct experience, must take the canoe of reason to its intuitive end -- gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha -- but to do that we need language, a propositional knowing, if you will, which is self-consistent and non-contradictory.
My argument is that, if we don't apprehend the feeling (psychoanalytic) body of the unconscious, propositional truth will never be achieved and our thought products will be in a holding pattern of magical or deluded thinking. The watering-down of Tolle -- which, by the way, does have tremendous benefits for the collective mind-- is merely another form of language (truth) seeking wisdom. I want to explore that specifically, not through lecture, but through a mutual sharing of our own direct experiences.
POEM BY WALLACE STEVENS
The Sense of the Sleight-of-Hand Man
One's grand flights, one's Sunday baths,
One's tootings at the weddings of the soul
Occur as they occur. So bluish clouds
Occurred above the empty house and the leaves
Of the rhododendrons rattled their gold,
As if someone lived there. Such floods of white
Came bursting from the clouds. So the wind
Threw its contorted strength around the sky.
Could you have said the bluejay suddenly
Would swoop to earth? It is a wheel, the rays
Around the sun. The wheel survives the myths.
The fire eye in the clouds survives the gods.
To think of a dove with an eye of grenadine
And pines that are cornets, so it occurs,
And a little island full of geese and stars:
It may be the ignorant man, alone,
Has any chance to mate his life with life
That is the sensual, pearly spouse, the life
That is fluent in even the wintriest bronze
I love this poem, one of my
I love this poem, one of my favs!
Happiness; Belongs to Everyone
The bud
stands for all things,
even for those things that don't flower,
for everything flowers, from within, of self-blessing;
though sometimes it is necessary
to reteach a thing it loveliness,
to put a hand on the brow
of the flower,
and retell it in words and in touch,
it is lovely until it flowers again from within, of self-blessing.
by: Galway Kinnell
I learned an important lesson this week, from going home and opening my heart to deeply listen to a dear friend's message. It's something I've tried to teach others and instill in my son as he grows, but never felt worthy to own. I learned that all sentient beings deserve to be happy without exception and without exception includes me.
I don't know what this seedling will grow into or where it will plant its roots in this life time and it doesn't matter. For after years of yearning and feeling unworthy, nurtured by the light of truth - the seedling in my heart has come alive.
I share this with a prayer, that all who may need their seedlings nurtured will turn inward and find the peace I found this day - for without exception there is no exception.
Bodhi, thanks for sharing
Bodhi, thanks for sharing that poem--it was the perfect message for me to find today. As the last leaves blow off the trees here, and the dark skies open up to release pelting sheets of cold rain, it seems that images of dying are everywhere. But reading the poem I realized that there are bulbs in my garden planted deep beneath the soil that are safe from the brutal elements and that will make their way to the surface again in the spring. The new buds will form and finally bloom. And until then I will simply be present to what's happening on the surface--the swirling chaos that belies changes taking place where no one can see them.
NICE POEM, BODHI
"Everything flowers from within, of self-blessing." This reminds me of two things. The first is from the Gospel according to Thomas, where Jesus says, "If you do not draw forth what is within, what is within will destroy you. If you draw forth what is within, what is within will save you." The flowering within, what Kinnell speaks of, is that potentiality we al have. But, what he doesn't make clear is the intensive work that goes into that self-blessing. As a poem, it is inspirational; and inspiration is just that, it breathes into being that which is what Zen calls Our Original Face. Self-blessing indeed. Evolution realizing itself.
I then thought of Wallace Stevens again. In Stevens' `The Snowman,' like Kinnel's poem, self-blessing is our Buddha nature, that which is, as it is. That blessing, paradoxically, is the blessing when "self" drops out into the"nothing that is not there, and the nothing that is." Blessing is the cognizance of Emptiness, for in that understanding, all suffering ceases. That is, in that understanding, we create an atmosphere free from all negative afflictive emotions. Not a very poetic way of saying it, but it is the poem that points, through our hearts, to that which is, as it is. After Stevens' poem, I would like to share a poem I wrote inspired by a teacher of a very dear friend of mine. I try to capture how this "self-blessing," like all things spiritual, is deeply rooted in relationship.
One must have a mind of winter
To regard the frost and the boughs
Of the pine-trees crusted with snow;
And have been cold a long time
To behold the junipers shagged with ice,
The spruces rough in the distant glitter
Of the January sun; and not to think
Of any misery in the sound of the wind,
In the sound of a few leaves,
Which is the sound of the land
Full of the same wind
That is blowing in the same bare place
For the listener, who listens in the snow,
And, nothing himself, beholds
Nothing that is not there and the nothing that is
------------------------
Portraits of My Teacher, Tulku Urgyen
1
Are all things holy so bright?
The softness of wafting air
and willows in the silver sky:
ethereality and a heron
over an early morning
lake as prayer begins.
2
Your eyes glance upward in flight
brown almonds of Tibetan sky
your glasses the sun's rays--
you can raise Lazarus again
if you will.
3
I am emptiness gathering form
forming emptiness in your smile--
you hold me, a mother blessed
with gifts of tiny stones.
4
I walk across you feigning
wakefulness, and you laugh
like a father whose baby takes
his first steps, then falls.
5
Your hands are the hands of saints
and peasants and little girls
picking daisies.
6
I lie under the arch of your care
gently bringing back the sound
vibrating through the beaks
of birds and wings of bees.
I raise the trees as they raise me
from despair and human things
from dreams and dreaming
and your hands fragrant and free
grasping cloth, and nothing.
7
Not even you can save me
but those eyes, those eyes
of eternal grace embrace
my longings
and gentle thoughts
gentler now.
8
The roundness of your head
like a stone fallen from sky
and with no weight
but perhaps weight enough
for me to hold you in my hands
and stroke and wash time
from your day
and the beads of water
on skin misty
from the motion
of frail limbs
8
let me soothe
and hold you
as you have held me
with love and care
I have only my touch
to give.
9
I am the mourning dove
cooing to you
your heart the seed
your hand will feed me
for it is the earth
and the unfurling
bud
your eyes the sun
coloring the rain
and the seed
and bluing the sea
surround me
10
and there was silence
that once wrestled
in my throat
knotting and rotting
until I sat and waited
as it emptied into the green
and blue against a coral sky.
11
In my silence I don't ask why
I sit and like a child and lover--
and reach into your eyes
still and clear.
Kate, it's great to hear from you
Kate, welcome back - your voice has been missed. Your words remind me, how easy it is for me to be caught up in the chaos of daily life and my propensity to sometimes get stuck in the anxiety of the moment. I need to remind myself to be mindful of the present and when afflictive emotions seem to seep in, to counter them with the truth of impermanence.
Although my favorite season is spring time, I've come to view autumn as the protective senior, nurturing young seedlings until they're strong enough to bloom.
Hope to find you here again and perhaps we could enjoy an exploration of our respective seasons.
You gave me the courage to 'step in' and it's great to hear from you.
Greetings Noah
I've missed the imagery of your poetry. Feel like sharing what has been stirring in your heart lately?
All things must exist in
All things must exist in everything for without the collective there is nothing. Nothing can exist in isolation if interconnectedness or inter-being is to be believed.
Noah what were you feeling when you composed this creative piece, and what did you wish to convey. Perhaps my issue is my own inability to understand....
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