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When wasn’t rain, if I am not fooled
when was? So the rain cannot be seen
nor does it rain outside me, nor does it rain
inside me, if there is raining seen. It is thus
but no it rains, no thus for an it to be. Steady
in darkness soundless sound of rain wet
that is to hear without hearing heard
or simply speaking now as rain becoming
THE TRANSFORMATION
The Transformation
i found the image there behind the rock
where i, disappointed, let the poem drop.
when the words i let go
landed,
they settled, slowly dissolving
through the memories
of failed attempts
(something in the image had betrayed
the eyes that closed their lids to me).
the poem buried deep.
from that same spot behind the rock
where i, unhesitating, let the words drop,
there sprouted a flower,
intricate,
luxuriant,
frail.
for a while i did nothing more
than sit silent on the rock, like thoreau,
from sunrise to noon,
eyes closed, a reposed motionless sea,
listening then unlistening, to nothingness.
they say it fades, then let it fade,
but i had to retrieve it back again,
the sounds starved before the silence.
i drew from within nothingness a light:
the world exposed,
the murmurous, incessant rain
tapping leaves with color,
some color.
then, a deeper thought: the leaves became
my eyes, so generous like the sea.
Unexpected Gifts...
Om, your poem is breathtaking. And so I will sit quietly reading it over and over, letting it sink in to me on this cold winter night. I let go for a moment to stop by this place I rarely frequent and found the gift of your poem waiting patiently for anyone and everyone to unwrap and savor at their leisure. Glorious.
THANK YOU, KATE
And happy Holidays to you and everyone here and everywhere. I was thinking how I love Emily's joy, also so generous. And how she gets it because she's not afraid to get in; or, if she is, she gets in anyway, and so gets under the `in' to the inlessness of life and death. She points out what is most important: that without a spiritual "understanding" of self, everything the self wraps itself around, fortifies the very illusion we call "self." And she knows it is so unwestern, this notion of deathlessness, but gets it right down to the bones walking their way through the pain of life conversing with the suffering of life. And the conversation is of little substance, really, because it's all substance and both pain and suffering reinforcing each other's belief in self existence-- which, of course, buttresses the very idea of pain, suffering, and loss. And that's really all we have to live on, ideas, or beliefs. But, Emily knows all too well-- because she has separated out knowledge (the cereal box of belief) from knowing (the taste of experience)-- that behind all the words is one thing: emotion. Emotion is the very core of spiritual life because it's the very core of consciousness, all the way up and all the way down. Emotion is the mechanism of Transformation. Emotion is the mechanism of integration, bringing all the aggregate goodies of self together, in such a way, as to move the self to wider and deeper perspectives from which we are more and more capable of understanding the fundamental illusion of conventional existence. Emily knows that, though she has suffered greatly, suffering is unnecessary.
How else can she speak from so much joy as she suffers? When it comes down to it, Emily is sitting snowily in tathata, the suchness beyond, and so here, along the path to Enlightenment. Emily is no longer fooled by time, even when she is, for time is the fool that brings to us great gifts of gratitude, now and now and now.
And Kate, I'm so happy you sat with the poem and its intention: to play time and space right out of their designated positions in mind to re-mind us that here we are, now, with and without the word, poeming our ways to joy, love, equanimity, and compassion for all beings without exception.
yes, the greatest gift is always a presence! :) It's like a birdsong, waiting.
The Birdsong
The day grows stronger.
Deep in the gut the feeling comes--
the need to stretch like time the throat
the stiffness of wing, the tautness of breath
silent, waiting.
The slow rise out of the deepness
the dark urge from night
the cloud buckling within
billowing from a single pulse
the cell sucking light
waiting.
The leg moves, air stirs.
The leaf hangs dull, shifts
into existence. The lid lifts
higher as light fills like emptiness
the billowing cloud.
Silence is unleashed.
The waiting wells, air draws
with muscle, bone, and lung the light.
Wings stir, then shift
song releases night.
THE SELF IS SHRINKING AWAY (OR NOT)
The issue isn’t whether “selfhood,” the idea that there is a unitary, continuous self, is illusory; the issue is why we can’t follow this understanding to its end realization and, thus, consequently, forego suffering the “slings and arrows” of the many contexts of our lives. If, in the western world, our ‘self” is defined as “an internally organized cluster of attitudes, meanings, expectations, and feelings” (the Buddhist aggregates of self include form, perception, feelings, motivation (karmic formations), and consciousness), and this self emerges within a caregiving constellation, it becomes clear that we are at the core relational, and that relationship forms and informs our very being in the world. Yes, those primary relationships even determine how we interpret experience, up to this very day. Our very relationship histories shape our patterns of feelings, attitude, and feelings. In other words, from our early caregivings experiences, our “self-states” become organized across time and, within these more and more familiar engrained patterns, our identities emerge. Erroneously, we mistake these identities as entities.
At the heart of this self is emotion. This is why I continuously emphasize feeling as a therapeutic or meditational focus. Literally, liberation or realization as enlightenment means to free oneself of all negative afflictive emotions. Emotion is so central to self experience and development that, what we call self, is nothing more than mind creating, as an organizing process, mental activities interacting with the world. However, emotions are what actually organize and integrate this process and thus link the various cognitive domains, including meaning, motivation, perception of time, and overall attunement to the world within and surround. The big word for understanding emotion within the context of self is “regulation.” The brain has an innate capacity to modulate and organize emotional activation but, as we know, our early environment can throw this capacity out of whack and create tremendous chaos in the form of mood disorders, including depression and mania, and anxiety disorders. These disorders can be so pervasive as to affect perception, memory, beliefs, and behavior. And though these are fundamentally illusory too, they clearly exist! This dysregulation feels as if it has a life of its own, but it doesn’t. The reparative or corrective function of therapy, for example, potentially restores healthy self-states and, coextensively, one’s relationship to and with the world, as well. From a strictly emotional context, the therapeutic directly helps with the intensity, sensitivity, specificity of context, and thresholds of tolerance regarding emotional regulation. Because emotions direct the flow of energy and meaning of representations, the most vital aspect of the therapeutic is cultivating self-awareness. Access to consciousness means not only stabilization and healing; it means reclaiming the very essence of what felt lost.
So, you can see, at every stage of development (and I include the therapeutic as a developmental aspect of consciousness), emotion is the keystone. And this includes spiritual development, as well. In fact, as I have consistently argued, psychological development is the precursor to a sustained spiritual understanding. In Buddhist terms, compassion (the desire to alleviate suffering of all beings) and wisdom (the understanding of the ultimate nature of reality) evolve from a mind clear of emotional obscurations. It makes sense, right? But, strangely enough, there is not enough emphasis I believe on elevating emotions to the central focus it requires for psychological well-being and spiritual development.
Just notice in your day to day experiences and interpersonal interactions how few people have either access to their emotions, or do emotions play an active and conscious role in communication. The truth is, emotions are poorly integrated (and thus become dysregulated) in our daily lives. We don’t, for example, bring forth what we are feeling as a mindfulness practice; and yet, this practice is the most essential component of health, either of the individual or one’s relationship. How many times during the day do you ask what you and your relationships are feeling? I ask this question all day long and you would be stunned at how few people can respond to that very vital question.
And so, if the goal of spiritual development is to bring, through understanding, the mind to its true awareness with the fundamental illusoriness of self-- and that task essentially requires a very very deep awareness of self-states-- we must build into the very infrastructure of our lives a mindful practice that focuses on emotion or feeling. Rather than thoughts, our insight meditation practice must
stay attentive and focused on the nature of this feeling that is arising, or that mood that is literally! clouding my view.
To this end, I am grateful to be alive so that I can cultivate compassion for all beings without exception.
Om mani padme hum
Beauty in the Storm
Sometimes feelings are like an unexpected winter storm, that settles in affecting all of one's senses (all 6 which exist in Buddhism). The storm may become so overwhelming that one seeks refuge in places where none is to be found - namely the external world or to run from it expecially when the panic of the moment has clouded all rational thought. One may become overwhelmed by the totality of the storm, unable to see the beauty of the individual snow flakes which collectively seem omnipotent in the moment.
I ask myself why it is so difficult to sit and experience or pass through the intensity of this shift in 'weather'. Perhaps it is because as you said, "The brain has an innate capacity to modulate and organize emotional activation but, as we know, our early environment can throw this capacity out of whack and create tremendous chaos. " and I know for many formative years my environment was "out of whack" to put it mildly. Perhaps these old patterns of behavior haven't simply been replaced -yet- by new, more flexible, fluid, less chaotic patterns and more relevent less reactionary patterns to the present.
Perhaps this is why so many like myself continually shift into avoidance mode, trying to go around the storm, failing to see the beauty of the individual flakes and learn from the totality of it.
Or perhaps some of us need a storm every once in awhile to be reminded that one's self is fluid and ultimately void of individual existence, and it is 'ok' to feel.
I do know that while it feels like I am currently in the eye of a very intense winter blizzard, and when it hit my first reaction was to run, I'm not going to this time. I'm going to sit and view each flake from all sides, or as many as I can, and feel my way through it, rather than implode.
Who knows perhaps I shall come to enjoy a seasonal storm now and then.
WINTER STORMS, DARK NIGHTS, MEANING AND SILENCE
Late Night Poem
I have come upon
the essence
of the poetic:
language attempting
to understand
itself. As I script
the letters
they drag across the page
like a recalcitrant
autumn leaf
pulled off its stem by
the wind. In
my self-consciousness,
all is lost:
the word, the sound,
the meaning. Silence
has its way
with me, this poor fool
mimicking himself.
"When will you learn," the
wind will say,
as it whispers then
vanishes through
the rising tree.
Soft whispers, Mighty wisdom
How poeticly true are your words and how wise the whispering wind can be.
Clarity wafting through, requiring one to sit and listen to one's heart.
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IF I HAD A HAMMER
If I had a hammer, I'd hammer in the morning. -- Pete Seeger
The challenge …is the sense of self’s need to flee its present sense-of-lack by projecting itself into the future and identifying itself with its goals, which we hope will make us feel more secure, more real. -- David Loy
“That which, taken as causal or dependent, is the process of being born, and passing on, is, taken non-causally and beyond all dependence, declared to be nirvana .” --Nagarjuna
As I sat this morning, there was a hammer thundering away in the apartment upstairs. Mind wanted to react, to get annoyed and then perhaps even angry from an overstimulated auditory cortex. Was it my father screaming in his drunken frenzy when I was 6 or that thud when my oldest brother punched him in the face? Space. Smile. Noise, I said, the cacophony of life resounding in all its primordial fervor. Mind indeed has changed its patterning and thus its pattern of responsiveness; from a reactive mind to a responsible holding of stimuli as it arises, abides, and ceases. Not always skillfully, I must admit, for the ancient noise rummaging the unconscious memory bank still occasionally finds its way percolating fear up the mine shafts from childhood trauma. But, silence has its way now, it most skillfully smoothes out even the most resistant disturbance. Silence knows its foe, mind constructing a Velcro factory hammering its way overhead; because silence knows its friend, mind deconstructing a Velcro factory as snow falls gently somewhere out west.
OM MANI PADME HUM
Despite the pain and isolation of life, I am embodiment seeking the divine (OM), the jewel of compassion (MANI) and the lotus of wisdom (PADME), together cradled in the integration of mind (HUM) sending out rays of love to the whole universe.
When you investigate very closely (and trust your teachers), you'll find that there is no real separation between you and the universe. If this is in fact true, then sending out rays of love (through meditation practice and visualization) is the same as, not only taking in rays of love, but becoming the clear light of love. In the realization of this light, there is no suffering, no pain
TWO OTHER AUTHENTICATED DEFINITIONS OF OM MANI PADME HUM
"It is very good to recite the mantra Om mani padme hum, but while you are doing it, you should be thinking on its meaning, for the meaning of the six syllables is great and vast... The first, Om [...] symbolizes the practitioner's impure body, speech, and mind; it also symbolizes the pure exalted body, speech, and mind of a Buddha[...]"
"The path is indicated by the next four syllables. Mani, meaning jewel, symbolizes the factors of method: (the) altruistic intention to become enlightened, compassion, and love.[...]"
"The two syllables, padme, meaning lotus, symbolize wisdom[...]"
"Purity must be achieved by an indivisible unity of method and wisdom, symbolized by the final syllable hum, which indicates indivisibility[...]"
"Thus the six syllables, om mani padme hum, mean that in dependence on the practice of a path which is an indivisible union of method and wisdom, you can transform your impure body, speech, and mind into the pure exalted body, speech, and mind of a Buddha[...]"
-- H.H. Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama, "Om Mani Padme Hum"
Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche's definition
"The mantra Om Mani Päme Hum is easy to say yet quite powerful, because it contains the essence of the entire teaching. When you say the first syllable Om it is blessed to help you achieve perfection in the practice of generosity, Ma helps perfect the practice of pure ethics, and Ni helps achieve perfection in the practice of tolerance and patience. Pä, the fourth syllable, helps to achieve perfection of perseverance, Me helps achieve perfection in the practice of concentration, and the final sixth syllable Hum helps achieve perfection in the practice of wisdom.”
Om Mani Padme Hum
Six simple syllables to pronounce, yet profoundly powerful as a guide for living.
What a wonderful mantra to commence the New Year.
Thank you for the unexpected gift.
Om Mani Padme Hum
THE NONIMPORTANCE OF HAVING "ONE'S OWN" CHILD
I AM THE DIRECTION OF MY FATHER
My father points me to the past,
He is who I became. I point my
Father to the future, I am who
He hoped to be. My mother points me
To the past, she is my longing. I point
My mother to the future, I am her joy
That speaks to love without end. We
Three together have broken the shell
Of ignorance, we have traveled far
For travelers who knew not their way.
But the wind of faith wrapped itself
Around us, its direction the dying yellow
Of leaf squeezing out its last breath. We
Gave into death as day gives into
Night, as the dreams carried us through,
As dawn billowed out of sleep. I
Found myself alone that morning,
I found myself crying out alone. But
The wind no longer blew and the leaf
No longer clung. And I am no longer pointing.
What does it mean to be responsible for another being’s life? From a strictly spiritual perspective, we’re all responsible for each other but, in psychological terms, we are only responsible to relationships. Unless, of course, that relationship is with a child. In this context, “to” and “for” are one. I hear people often saying, Oh yeah, wait until you’re a parent, which is translated into, You really can’t possibly understand and appreciate parenting unless you have experienced having your own child. I, of course, find this merely another type of projection based on one’s idealizing (romanticizing) having a child of one’s own.
But, that’s okay, the “real” or actual and ideal are only separate when one is ignorant of the nature and relationship of both; that is, when one has little understanding of “self” in the world and “self” striving for that which reaches what one intuitively knows but is beyond what one experiences, like Enlightenment, for example. In deep awareness, primacy is given to Emptiness, the interconnectedness of all phenomena, and the implicate order inherent within that web of fusion. In Emptiness, all “things”-- the structures, abstractions, and processes that order reality – are encompassed, including the transformation and transcendence of phenomena. This is the flow of life, like a vortex in a flowing stream, which reflects the interconnectedness of both the pattern (process) and individual existent vortices. If we parent from deep awareness, the day to day flow of caregiving finds itself, necessarily because the `I’ who parents knows herself, and so her actions will flow and follow from that awareness. Mistakes will be made, transferences and projections will emerge from the unconscious, but the sustained intimacy the parent has achieved will guide the parenting process, irrespective of the novelty of being a parent. I believe the statement having one’s own child is so completely different than anything you’ve experienced, is both true and untrue. It is true in the intensity, freshness, and indeed profundity of the experience, but is untrue in the sense that it cannot be truly separate from heightened spiritual awareness, which experientially encompasses all profound experience. Having a child, as unique as it appears, is one’s practice and the love, care, compassion, and all the guaranteed ruptures of parenting must be addressed with the same openness, honesty, and humility that one applies to one’s practice. In fact, if one slips into the romantic notion of parenting and emotionally separates parenting from practice, there is the risk of unhealthy attachment to one’s child. Narcissistic attachment to children, for example, is pervasive in our culture, which I believe explains the high researched occurrence of insecurely attached children. Show me an insecurely attached child and you will most definitely find and insecurely attached parent, whether the insecurity is expressed in avoidance or ambivalence (enmeshment).
As the saying goes, easier said than done, but I am clear that if one artificially separates out parenting from practice (which includes psychological process and spiritual practice), she is at risk of dualizing or romanticizing caregiving.
THE BURDEN OF BEING A FATHER
Being a father is a burden and I feel its weight
constantly in the back of my heart. I have to watch
every thought and action as if they could, of a sudden,
burn down my house. The walls would collapse
and the heat would steal every last dying breath. I am
the house and I am the flame flaring at the walls
that contain it. But, I must stay awake and watch
over my children, that is why I am here. It is a burden
that I will have until my last dying breath, but I will keep
those walls strong until every last one of my children leaves.
MY BRAIN BETRAYS ME: A TRUE LIE
I was talking to a neuroscientist friend of mine who informed me that the brain is an “anticipation machine.” This means that the brain is evolutionarily geared for survival: “it takes data from the perceived world and prepares and prepares itself for the next event. Individuals whose brains were good at anticipating did better than those whose brains merely lived in the here-and-now!” (italics mine!!) What???? Am I screwed or what? I’ve been teaching the so-called “here-and-now” forever it seems. Am I promoting extinction? :) Not!
Remember the Heart Sutra: Emptiness is form and form is emptiness. Emptiness is nothing other than form and form is nothing other than emptiness. This is the exquisite paradox of mind/body: if mind stays in the presence of now, by this very mechanism, if you will, it leaves the brain to take care of its respective tasks of consciousness, one of which is protecting body/mind from annihilation. Does not the body involve autonomic, nonconscious processes, such as breathing and digestion, which perpetuate its existence? This is the brain’s function of “understanding” cause and effect relationships. But, here’s the real kicker and another brilliant key to spiritual development: integration!
According to my friend, Integration is an aspect of complexity whereby the integrative function of brain (and so, mind) is to link functions “that coordinate various levels of processes within the mind and between people.” This suggests that the brain’s capacity to organize is literally what creates a sense of self. All these intricately complex neural processes come together perceptually and linguistically to order reality in space and time (I might say as space and time) as a “whole picture,” so to speak. And the key, again, is emotion!
If, as my friend suggests, emotion is the nonconscious energy that drives, organizes, amplifies, and attenuates cognitive activity and involves complex layers of dynamic processes (which include cognitive evaluation of meaning and physical changes), we can say that emotion’s function is to balance and cohere a centered, stable, and grounded sense of self by integrating the mind’s flow of information and energy as movement toward maximizing complexity!!! Complexity and perspective are analogues. From a spiritual perspective, to deepen one’s experience means to increase one perspectivity, one’s capacity to contextualize experience from many different viewpoints. This means deepening one’s self and, in kind, overall awareness from a dualistic parts view toward an interconnected nondual view. It’s the nondual that designates the highest levels of spirituality from both wisdom and compassion aspects of consciousness.
When we emotionally integrate experience, we recruit both internal and relational processes as a kind of co-regulating which, like a musical composition, resonates truth, beauty, and understanding! Systems of systems of systems – brain, mind, self, world, and all beings and being without exception strumming along in a creative flow of suchness. Can you see why I focus so much on emotion?
When I say “emotion,” it necessarily includes neurobiology (brain/body), experience (feeling) and the expression of feelings (affect), all within a relational context. The perennial “What are you feeling?” is the questioning of one’s state of mind, one’s attunement
with one’s sense of self as interact(ivat)ing with the world. It is the questioning of God creating complexity creating God as experiencing! This is William Gass’ phrase, “silence is God’s first language.” For it is in silence, in meditative practice, that life as experiencing and manifestating erupts as living space and time, everchanging through the impermanence of being human.
The brain is a stage of consciousness as mind is a stage of consciousness, two sides of presence as present space and past/future tense: the brain anticipating the “what’s next” of causality and the transforming mind transcending causality toward the noncausal understanding of co-arising events. All at the moment of feeling!
RESPONSE FROM MY FRIEND L ON `MY BRAIN BETRAYS ME'
hey Om-
I love your post. Just what we've been talking about!
May I also add that this "anticipation" which our brains are so busy doing also serves to avoid the sense of true groundlessness inherent in the act of just being present. I think that the idea of being groundless is uncomfortable because it goes against the ego which the self is trying always to protect.
Question: Do you think it's true that having/ acknowledging emotion in itself is outside of the nondual paradigm? It would seem that being present in the moment would be without emotion or thought- just consciousness.
-L
HEY L, BRAINS AWAY: TO DUEL OR NONDUAL, THAT IS THE QUEST
Hi L, thanks for stopping by and asking such a very cool question. You ask: “Do you think it's true that having/ acknowledging emotion in itself is outside of the nondual paradigm? It would seem that being present in the moment would be without emotion or thought- just consciousness.”
What is nondual? As a shrink interested in the relationships between emotions, language, thinking, subjectivity, and relationship, I use nonduality as a critique of “dualistic thinking.” I like David Loy’s formulation of nonduality, which differentiates “that-which-is-thought-about into two opposed categories: being and non-being, success and failure, life and death, etc. The problem with such thinking is that, although distinctions are usually made in order to choose one or the other, we cannot take one without the other since they are interdependent; in affirming one half of the duality we maintain the other as well.”
This focus is perfect for your question, which implicitly suggests that emotion is “outside” nondual reality. In nonduality, there is no outside/inside distinction except as a nominal distinction. So when we are in the pure presence of meditation, for example, it’s not that emotion does not exist; it merely means that emotion is understood as not having independent existence. Going back to the Heart Sutra’s formulation: form is emptiness; “emptiness is form; form is not other than emptiness; emptiness is not other than form” notice the “not other than” that signifies what Matthieu Ricard, in `The Quantum and the Lotus,’ refers to as: If you can’t speak of real existence, you cannot speak of non-existence either. Because phenomena have no intrinsic reality, they can have infinite manifestations. The wise abide neither in being nor non-being.” And so, in nonduality, one is nonattached to emotion/thought, but realizes that emotion/thought exist in conventional (dual) reality.
RESPONSE FROM JAMES, WHO'S AWAY, ON `THE NONIMPORTANCE...'
yeah this is a cool post. i'm thinking of all of the idiots (aka "parents") in my life who have said "just wait..." or something similar, and how childish their posture inevitably seems when uttering this drivel. i, of course, still take it a little bit personally, but i've realized that i am in a between state: simultaneously personally and not personally enough to not say anything. it's reticence, in a sense, but reticence is often just another word for too attached to play-speak.
i'm reminded, of course, of our most recent conversation on learning/teaching, etc, and how to save the world. i remember being a 14 year old and already knowing that these kinds of statements were bullshit, but not having the language to challenge them -- nor the ability to just keep silent (same thing, i know ;)). and i would say i was already (even consciously) teaching friends and acquaintances of mine what higher -- relative! -- wisdom i had as yet realized. but, of course, in large part the "point" of those teachings, discussions, statements, etc, was my own process -- the developments of a language to solve the problem of expressing what no one had taught me to express, what i hadn't even yet realized was there... i think, for example, of the dalai lama (i compared myself to the dalai lama recently and a friend was like, "whoa..." as if to suggest, "a little humility, please," -- but i think it's a very humble thing to do!! ha!), who was already playing an integral role in his country's and countrymen's affairs from a very early age -- yet mostly, if one can use that word, his early experiences were about preparing him for the great responsibilities he would soon take on. eventually he got to a point at which he was ready to continue his own process by way of leading others (and, of course, many of these responsibilities were thrust upon him before he himself felt ready: but isn't that a beautiful metaphor for the experience of growing up without healthy parents and realizing in adolescence that the weight of the world is, in a sense, on your shoulders?)
i think, again, of people well into their middle ages who have only just begun to open their eyes to the nature of things -- they will have this sort of experience even with children, grandchildren, etc. they will have to continue juggling the other lives enmeshed with their own, of course, but suddenly, if they do proceed, however slowly, they will most likely say something like, "i've got to take care of myself first." and that's true -- yet, for someone like me, or, to make the comparison, the dalai lama, that's no longer true in the same sense. we are, naturally, talking relative truths here. for the dalai lama "myself first" is only faintly true in the sense of basic physical well-being, at this point. for me there's still a lot of "me first" stuff to process. but, to make the comparison again, much of that is by way of my relationships with others, and i learn often through learning how healthier to engage with others. of course, one trouble is to speak about these sorts of things with others without speaking about these things... wouldn't want to seem arrogant, or anything ;)
but... drumroll please... specifically in this case we're talking about children, and one's own child, of course. i like how you put "provocative" in quotation marks -- because though you're saying that having a child is not "so completely different," you're not saying that having a child is not "so completely different." that's why you say that having a child is not "so completely different." (sometimes tedious buddhist constructions are quite nice.) i think the parent-child relationship more than any other fits into this schema of mine. the "me first until there's no me who so needs to be first" schema. you approach that experience, as i am doing, and find yourself capable of, well, altruism -- but one wishes to go a bit further along the asymptotic line before so conventionally taking responsibility for another's life, temporarily. (doing so ultimately -- much less of a headache ;)
it's much like: i want to be a professor, but i want to have a bit more schooling first so that i can be as prepared for my students' needs as i possibly can be before becoming a professor. (i.e. there's no illusion -- and shouldn't be -- of becoming totally responsible before, say, becoming a parent/professor/psychologist, etc.)
and on, and on.
JAMES ON BROAD(MIDDLE)WAY: HELLO DALAI!
James, as always, thanks for your thoughtful response. this one phrase in particular stood out:
“…my own process -- the developments of a language to solve the problem of expressing what no one had taught me to express, what i hadn't even yet realized was there.”
Einstein said that we can never solve a problem at the level of consciousness it was created, and this is particularly true of language. With regard to “emptiness,” or nonduality, for example, how can we express the paradox of awareness, the holding of bothness as it listens to the otherwise voices of multiplicity and aperspectivity. One way is the poem, the mobilizing of language transmuting and thus emancipating language from its reified leanings. The poem asserts subject-as-process moving through and against the stasis of identification in a play of provocation and elusiveness. And so, and so, and so…
Postmodern Drip
and so, you’re sitting there with this cool postmodern text, and thinking about the intertextual and the critical form, how it wraps its tongue around the word, with such care and longing; and the `I’ that is thinking feels full and light and tender and excited; and, as the thinking thinks, the thinking `I’ says, gently, go deeper into the simultaneity of love; go underneath these beautiful words, to a deeper, more personal ontology, the space that is only implied rather than touched, and light. And the notion of consciousness as a cross-section invokes a cake and the sweet-layered idea of multiplicity, the Many in the One; and so you take another bite, a deeper bite through the dialectic of mind, where nature is in opposition to spirit at this very moment, when mind is active; and soul proceeds to destroy nature and only because it loves her like death itself; and light is opening up again as his lover's, nature’s bones, dissolve in his hand as he breathes into them; and while singing Roy Orbison’s Only The Lonely- Dum-dum-dum-dumdy-doo-wah Ooh-yay-yay-yay-yeah— a different kind of morality emerges, with a different set of metaphors, because his, though twinkling and therefore pointing like the three wise men, are still too dense for morality to fully feel its fullness fully felt and feeling, as the verb creates the indirect object’s identity never more; and morality begins to dissolve like bones in the breath, with the “ity” going first, followed by the heaviness of the other noun, as the verb throws it overboard in a sacrificial right of thinking; and civilization as we know it loses its grip; and the nature that opposes spirit from which civilization was invented, goes down for the third time, and the count; and morality, along with God, is dead; and the munchkins, as if still in OZ, fire the song of celebration: the witch is dead, the witch is dead; and nature is now its inversion as it resurrects from the dying out of light, to Light Itself. Love prevails.
RESPONSE FROM MY FRIEND E ON `THE SELF IS SHRINKING AWAY...'
thank you for sharing, Om. this post beautifully explains why emotional awareness is so important in our development.
you write: "In Buddhist terms, compassion (the desire to alleviate suffering of all beings) and wisdom (the understanding of the ultimate nature of reality) evolve from a mind clear of emotional obscurations."
doesn't compassion also serve as a motivation before one clears the mind of emotional obscurations? might the motivation of compassion assist in clearing emotional obscurations? let me flesh out my thinking:
enclosed is a seven-page excerpt from Paul Ekman’s book, "emotional awareness," co-written with The Dalai Lama, that concerns the refractory period following an emotional trigger. My girlfirend and i have been discussing this passage. the part that moved me the most was ekman's response to the dalai lama's statement that it is helpful--in order to clear the mind of emotional obscurations--to understand what happened during previous emotional episodes. ekman responded that, in his experience, emotion-reaction patterns continued even after he and his patients understood the cycle. [italics Om’s] i appreciated his candidness--often the discussion ends with the conclusion that it is sufficient to be mindful of emotions.
ekman's response led to a discussion of motivation that i have been pondering. in my reading, ekman and the dalai lama suggest that one's genuine motivation can positively affect the emotion-reaction cycle. in this regard, i thought about how buddhists begin meditations by "setting their motivation"--typically, to spread compassion and to end suffering among all sentient creatures. when i first heard this motivation, i thought "how high-brow and pompous! i need to sort myself out before i can dedicate my life to such a cause." but maybe this motivation, which is unquestionably a good goal, serves a more personal function than i had thought. maybe this motivation assists the body to navigate emotional minefields by tempering reactions to emotional impulses. in this view, the goal of compassion logically results in a lessening of emotional obscurations and, ultimately, in true compassion. setting compassion as one's goal is, as a matter of logic, a self-fulfilling prophecy.
HEY E, YOU SAY COMPASSION AND I SAY COMPASSION
Hey E, great response. Thank you. You ask: “doesn't compassion also serve as a motivation before one clears the mind of emotional obscurations? might the motivation of compassion assist in clearing emotional obscurations?”
I love these questions particularly because they require that I think through and clarify what I wrote. The answer to this first question is both yes and no. Yes, because compassion – the desire to alleviate suffering – is in itself a powerful motivator. As you accurately state, the compassion as a motivation “assists the body to navigate emotional minefields by tempering reactions to emotional impulses. in this view, the goal of compassion logically results in a lessening of emotional obscurations and, ultimately, in true compassion. setting compassion as one's goal is, as a matter of logic, a self-fulfilling prophecy.”
With that said, from a more narrow, psychological perspective, I say no, because many people often mistake what a favorite teacher of mine, the Tibetan Lama, Gehlek Rinpoche, calls “idiot compassion” for true compassion. I associate “idiot compassion” with, either a naïve inchoate form of compassion, or what is known in the psychological literature as “pathological accommodation,” which is technical for people-pleasing. In these senses, compassion is not free from obscurations and, indeed, can actually impede the development of compassion. And so, when I say “no” I mean that true compassion requires a level of clarity of mind which at least understands (apprehends) the difference between “idiot” and true compassion. The difference between yes and no in this context is only relevant with the deep inquiry necessary for self-awareness. As a motivational practice, the explicit focus of compassion will indeed “assist” in the process of alleviating negative afflictive emotions.
Your second question, “might the motivation of compassion assist in clearing emotional obscurations?” is an interesting one because it is deceptively simple. I would say compassion does “assist” in purifying mind but only in its positioning the mind, keeping it open and receptive to understand the nature of compassion, which is a function of insight and wisdom. What I like about your question is that it points to both the feeling side and cognitive side of psychological preparation (process) for higher, spiritual development (practice).
Regarding Ekman’s discussion of a refractory period. Ekman defines the refractory period as that period of time, after an emotional trigger, “in which we are not only not monitoring [our emotions], we cannot [even] reconsider [our thoughts, actions, words, and bodily movements]. We cannot perceive anything in the external world that is inconsistent with the emotion we are feeling. We cannot access the knowledge we have that would disconfirm the emotion.” P. 68 In Buddhist terms, this refractory period is completely delusional because it cannot be evaluated or accurately judged (discerned) to determine its validity.
I like to describe this refractory period as a closed space between emotion and thought. As we open the space (through both insight and meditation), we allow ourselves the opportunity to attend, discern, understand, and symbolically formulate the relationships between one’s emotional trigger, emotion, thought, and action. This I call introspection, which facilitates a mastery of one’s emotional life and therefore well-being.
The function of therapy is actually to help the patient, as a basis for learning, to understand the nature of her emotional reaction in order to reduce suffering and respond in a healthier way.
Compassionate Idiot or Idiot's Compassion?
Om!
Thanks for your response. Your point about "idiot's compassion" is well-taken. Perhaps "idiot's compassion" can be avoided by clearly distinguishing the motivation of compassion from the actually-felt emotion. I appreciate that this is a delicate distinction. It seems, from a Buddhist perspective, that the distinction could be helpful in fostering true compassion.
I would like to suggest another potential way to foster compassion, although you may worry that it could tend toward "idiot's compassion" even more than setting compassion as a motivation. By way of background, it has been important for me to come to a deeper understanding of the "negative" or "positive" attributes of particular emotions through experience. Literature and teachers have instructed me that anger and jealousy are "negative" and joy and compassion are "positive." (Although society sometimes sends mixed messages--glorifying anger and discouraging compassion in many contexts, such as sports and war.) Even if I accept the value judgments I have been taught, it is one thing for me to accept a value judgment as an intellectual matter and another thing to accept that value judgment with enough conviction to order my being around it. Only as I have become more mindful of the way these emotions feel have I achieved a deeper appreciation for the destructiveness, disadvantages, and "negativity" associated with anger, and for the value, advantages, and "positivity" associated with compassion. And I am sure I can go much deeper in my understanding. For example, my understanding of the negative attributes of anger is deeper than my understanding of the positive attributes of compassion--I feel more anger than compassion these days.
My understanding of the positivity of compassion has developed, in part, through conscious acts consistent with loving-kindness, which in turn make me feel good. For example, I can be distant and cold around my girlfriend--often through no fault of her own, but rather because I am projecting unrelated anger onto her. With awareness of my projection, if I build up the courage to embrace my girlfriend (despite my anger (and fear?)), I feel a lessening of my anger toward my girlfriend, and an opening for compassion. Am I falling prey to "idiot's compassion" if I leap across the blinding distance I have created and embrace my girlfriend in order to see how it feels or, once I know how it will make me feel, to feel it again? I do not think, under these circumstances, I am acting to please someone else.
When I become frigid around my girlfriend, out of proportion to any harm she may have done to me, am I not withholding from myself? Of course I am--our interests are interconnected. I wonder if on some subconscious level I am exploiting that interconnectedness to reinforce a pattern of withholding. I recognize, as an intellectual matter, that my frigidity is causing me pain, but the obstacle to embracing her is still great. Is it unwise, when feeling strong anger and a corresponding projection, to make a conscious decision to embrace her and to see what happens? Cannot such conscious conduct lead to greater self-awareness and ultimately greater compassion?
COMPASSION: THE JEWEL OF LIFE (EVEN IN ITS UNREFINED STATES)
Asher says: "My understanding of the positivity of compassion has developed, in part, through conscious acts consistent with loving-kindness, which in turn make me feel good…. Am I falling prey to "idiot's compassion" if I leap across the blinding distance I have created and embrace my girlfriend in order to see how it feels or, once I know how it will make me feel, to feel it again? I do not think, under these circumstances, I am acting to please someone else."
I wanted to specifically address this point in a separate post because it’s so critical, not only to Buddhist thought, but for human relations and personal well-being. It is the philosopher’s stone of ethics (“Do no harm”) and the key to the heart, the center of humanity and love. And it will absolutely make you absolutely happy if authentically transmitted. And that of course is compassion.
Asher, again I want to express my appreciation for your willingness to deconstruct compassion from a psychological perspective. Lovingkindness, the act of compassion, is powerful but I know many lovingly kind people who are unhappy or fraught with conflict. Why? My guess is that they’re not addressing their deeper needs despite compassionately addressing the needs of others. Does this mean they should stop being compassionate? Of course not! But it does mean addressing this disparity in one’s consciousness that will ultimately negate the very compassion one is attempting to nourish. When I awaken each morning with the words, I am grateful to be alive so that I can cultivate compassion for all beings, without exception, I am very clear that I am included in all beings. And that means I am clear that, if I am attempting to compassionate but not feeling self-love, I am off the path. And that means that, if I am only gratifying myself without expressing compassion outwardly, I am off my path. But, being off my path isn’t an opportunity for self-judgment; it’s an opportunity for regret. Regret is not a moralistic concept; it’s a wisdom concept. It means discerning that I am not following my path of creating an environment free of all negative afflictive emotions and then finding my way back. Like a traveler looking for directions, I might find a fellow traveler, in the form of mantra, sitting, conversation, etc., who will help. No neurotic guilt, no self-flagellation, no shame, no complications, just finding my way back to the path. This is the natural flow of things. As my son, Teo, told me this morning, “Wisdom tells me I am nothing, love tells me I am everything, and between the two flows life.
compassion here, there, everywhere
I have a phrase that I say all the time. It comes to me from one of my teachers, who guides me in my work with dying patients. ( I know I am repeating what Om has already said in his post: that compassion begins with the self). Whatever it is that I have to bring to others I must first understand it as it applies toward self. I have to take myself into the room. I have to be at peace with myself in order to be at peace and be clear in my actions with another. There is no distinction.
I saw myself in the dying woman I was sitting with earlier this week. I think it was the hardest sitting I have ever done. The woman, perhaps in her late forties or early fifties is close to death, dying from lung cancer and alcohol abuse. The few times I was with her before she began to actively leaving her body, she was bright, charming; a woman who, despite the places that her life had taken her and where she had taken her life, is a bright star. On Monday, she was bent forward, gasping for breath, her head falling into her chest. All her muscles where stiff – there was no lying her down. This was the only position where her body would go. The only physical thing that could be done was to support her with dozens of pillows. I pressed my hand to her forehead to provide a touch that might ( or may not have) given a sense of support. She was literally curling into herself from a sitting position. I breathed with her every breath. Another volunteer sat with her as well – a young 21 year old. At first we tried to hold my pain back. But we couldn't.
I started to cry. Why was I crying? Was I crying for her? For her suffering? Was I crying for my helplessness? Was I crying because in her, I saw myself, I saw everyone. I saw the world.
None of my questions needed an answer. They were all one. The woman and I and the world were joined. Her suffering. My suffering. The joy of her life. The joy of mine. I didn’t know what was really happening inside her mind – her mind, in many ways had already begun to depart. The drugs lifted her off. She was looking into spaces I could not see. I was a witness. To her life. To her death. To my life. To my death. To yours.
I HAD A PHRASE I SAID ALL THE TIME, TOO
Where the hell is Emily?
And then she showed up. I knew that if I chanted long enough, Emily would return. And then she did. Mantras work, I'm telling you.
I love Emily's teachings. They are the most simple and thus the most profound. They all seem to come down to the same thing: live.
returning again and again
Om - thank you for your welcome back. I have a habit of going inward for stretches of time - just falling into a place of no words. I think - what can I possibly have to say that hasn't been said before? This is not a negative place or one of judgement, but one that tells me that things are happening inside me in a space that doesn't yet have any outward expression. Sometimes I think that if only I had a greater vocabulary then I would have the tools to weave sentences that touched the invisible. Or the words that I do have: compassion, love, fear, are too broad or overused or misused that they have no meaning unless I continually rediscover them. Sometimes, I just get tired or lazy.... until I recognize that old pattern playing itself out. I let myself drift. But here again, it is all good, if I allow it to be. The drifting is movement - it takes me someplace that I must awaken to.
I am off to work right now - but thinking of you and the others who visit here.
Winter time. White orange blossom tea. Rest. Have a cup. Curl up. Sit by the fire. Hugs
EMILY AND THE LOST CONTINENT OF WORD
"Sometimes I think that if only I had a greater vocabulary then I would have the tools to weave sentences that touch the invisible."
Boy, do I love this sentence. The ineffable, the mystics used to say, to name That which cannot be described: spiritual experience. But, I believe this is merely a way to distance and romanticize spirit, consciousness. It is true that communicating mystical insight, if you will, is still somewhat elusive, but not because it is beyond language. It has an elusive quality because the language to describe it is still emerging and relatively inaccessible to conventional or dual reality. Einstein once suggested that we cannot solve a problem on the level it was created. This is also true of spiritual awareness. It is very difficult to describe nondual awareness, for example, in a language constituted in duality. This is true mainly because the language used to describe a peak spiritual experience, for instance, must, as a pointer to that experience, be slightly inaccurate, even ostensibly ambiguous or paradoxical. Our culture, with its conventional surface structures, doesn’t recognize higher levels of spiritual awareness, so we all struggle to communicate what we intuitively know and mentally sense but often get snagged along the way in symbolic babble.
Mind’s immeasurable value is in its capacity to form relationships and, in a fundamental way, language is relationship. We use symbols (words) as entities to grammatically structure meaning. In written language, the word “God” is a signifier and what arises in one’s mind when reading the word is the signified. The actual “God,” is what the word points to, and so, is the referent. The referent “God,” however, is rooted in a collective cultural meaning or worldview. Referents, which are culturally-determined, are not pregiven but rather part of a spectrum of co-created (constructed) worldviews. Worldviews are collectively shared perceptions, and so our individual subjectivities identify with a separate worldview as they emerge from one developmental stage to the next. The infant identifies with its sensory body; the child identifies with mind as mind emerges vis-à-vis language; when spirit emerges, spirit becomes the new subjectivity; and in Pure Awareness, one has ceased identifying exclusively with any lower levels of identity. Importantly, as we enter into a higher level of awareness, the previous level becomes the object of the new level. For example, the body is an object to the mind, which is an object to spirit; and spirit an object to Pure Awareness. This is what the philosopher Whitehead meant by “the subject of this moment becomes the object of the next moment's subject.” This is consciousness, as it reaches higher and higher, embracing the entire landscape of evolution.
And so, if they are ineffable, how do we communicate the spiritual dimensions of reality? The answer is language, which, as we said, is limited in its structure to describe what is beyond language. Paradox! This is because all experience, not just spiritual, is ineffable in the sense that words symbolically represent (point to) experience, they cannot substitute for it. What is key is the experience itself and, if you’ve had the experience, words can adequately represent it. In shared spiritual experience, we begin to know and recognize each other’s and so eventually all beings’ awareness.
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MY FRIEND K'S RESPONSE TO `SHRINKING SELF'
I know that integration of our “parts” into one whole “feeling” being is key to deeper awareness of the present tense. I see this as an ability to experience one’s “self” only in relation to others—that the “self” is formed from moment to moment. I am writing, for example, but I am writing to you and others. I hear other voices (not my own anymore)—my friends’ voices, my sick cousin whom I saw this weekend—his voice, which is wracked with pain. And when I hear other voices, I feel things-- sorrow, anger, compassion, annoyance, love, joy, elation, sadness, and sometimes fear.
Someone asked me last week if I believed in God—my least favorite question because I really don’t believe in a man up in the heavens looking down and omniscient and all that. I mean, that is human contrivance. But I said that I believed in an overarching reality, and my quest is to grasp as much of this reality as I can. I think that is called consciousness, or awareness, and that is what I have come to believe, through our meetings and AA, too, and lots of discussion, that this is the ultimate goal. To have heightened awareness of everything—senses, mind, mood, memory, feeling.
I won’t see you today but Happy New Year!
MY FRIEND K AND THE REVOLUTION OF THE SHRINKING SELF
I am revolutionary, because I am
disobedient. I am disobedient, because
I am capable of saying "no," of disobeying.
Disobedience is a virtue, because it seeks
truth. In fact, history, the recapitulation of evolution,
began with an act of disobedience-- as portrayed
in the myths of Genesis or Prometheus-- and man
was driven out of Paradise. I drove myself out
of Paradise-- out of the myths of freedom and individuality--
in the very realization of self-awareness. I realized the myth
of power and refused to sanctify it. I adopted the critical
mood, and play in the critical key. Insight is my direction, feeling
my compass. My sense is rarely "common." I do not identify
with society; I transcend its narrow limits to identify humanity.
I am an accident of my birth and geography, yet I find
through higher reason that which is not accidental, that
which transcends birth and geography. But, I then realized
I am not disobedient after all, for disobedience implies
its opposite: to be disobedient to one principle, one must
be obedient to another. So I am neither obedient
nor disobedient. Nor am I a revolutionary, for
I am no longer capable of saying yes or
no. And I no longer seek truth, for it
implies I am fleeing from its opposite.
Nor am I critical, for I no longer
have language or mood. Reason
was left behind, too, along
with language and
concepts. And I ask,
Am I?
I am.
FROM K
Pretty great poem, and an almost disappearing one at that.
It is a relief, finally, to lose the self. Such a burden. All that anger and frustration. Over what? The self not acknowledged in the first place. But without the wounded self, I couldn’t heal either. And in the healing, I feel the pain of others (not to be confused with Bill Clinton’s feeling one’ s pain, although I think he did but then he wasn’t integrated, was he?) and then I feel compassion and lose the self in the process. How do you spell relief from the bondage of self? C-O-M-P-A-S-S-I-O-N.
Happy New Year,
K
Shrinking or Expanding Non-Self
I love this poem, for to me it expresses the ultimate expansion of self into a universally connected non-self. As my eyes scanned each shrinking line, my mind's image kept expanding as the 'self' dissolved into this beautiful flawless thread, weaving itself into the fabric of the universe where conformity or opposition cease to have meaning, attraction or power. Where true interconnectedness reigns supreme and there 'I am' and 'Non-self' abide.
From this element of universal emptiness.
Happy New Year!
1/1/2010 MINDFULNESS PRACTICE AND RELATIONSHIP
First post of the decade. I was downstairs getting some tea and thinking about my meditation practice, Thicht Naht Hahn (Thay), and mindfulness in the context of making tea. I was "mindful" of the very process of making tea, from my intention to help my partner heal from a cold, attending to the steps involved in making tea, concentrating on the need to care for the things that are involved in the process, including cleaning up after myself; and focusing on how self-care is emptiness and not other the emptiness.
Mindfulness is the practice of using mind in a particular way as to achieve increased heightened states of awareness. According to Thay, in his book, `The Miracle of Mindfulness, "The Sutra of Mindfulness says, "When walking, the practitioner must be conscious that he is walking. When sitting, the practitioner must be conscious that he is sitting. When lying down, the practitioner must be conscious the he is lying down... No matter what position one's body is in, the practitioner must be conscious of that position. Practicing thus, the practitioner lives in direct and constant mindfulness of the body,,,". The body, of course, is not the aim but in a way a vehicle for mind to cultivate the awareness necessary to free oneself of negative afflictive emotions. The body is both an actuality and metaphor for all things in relation to ourselves. Those things include the very environment we live in moment to moment-- our home, our kitchen, our making tea, taking a shower, relating to another being or ourselves. Mindfulness is ultimately an act of self-care.
Now, what makes this topic compelling for me is how my practice of mindfulness is interpreted at times as me being a "control freak" or rigid.
Somehow this very beautiful practice becomes a trigger for shame in some people. They see my joy in keeping my environment neat, for example, as a judgment of others who may not use environment in this way and I unintentionally make them feel inadequate. It's true, there is a fine line between desire and compulsion; in my case, the desire to keep mind in view vis-a-vis individual acts of aligning things in my environment. But, somehow the intent, purpose and practice are lost in projections, transferences, and misunderstandings. I'm afraid others may forget that environment is a mirror for mind seeking alignment and understanding, not entities independent of mind. And so, the question then becomes, How to communicate and create a new dialogical environment in which to practice mindfulness, with the same intention and purpose toward any environment in relation to ourselves? of course, like everything else, it brings it back to relationship and the psychological aspects of spiritual practice that require supreme understanding, care, and shared views.
Response to Mindfulness Practice and Relationship:
Great post, Om. :)
This mindfulness of which you speak, specifically in relation to our immediate surroundings can be thought of as another manifestation of our creating our own reality moment to moment. The space around us becomes an extension of our own minds and thus mindfulness. I think it would follow then that one who lives his life with presence and clarity would have created a space for himself which is neat and orderly. A space without clutter and noise- which is perhaps the consequence/ reflection of the "mind-junk" that tends to pile up when one cannot clear their mind and just be present or mindful. The annoyance you have sensed in others may in fact be a symptom of this and based greatly on a lack of understanding of not only of you but of themselves.
Happy New Year to all!
HALF MOON AND MINDFULNESS
Thank you. I agree that mindfulness practice is ultimately the practice of creating one's reality, in that what it is created is both the deep awareness and meanings of mind's relationship to the world. Consciousness is always consciousness of something and this suggests a threefold process: consciousness itself, an organ of perceiving consciousness (including mind), and the object of consciousness. The presence and clarity you refer to for me represent awareness of consciousness across moments of time, and the understanding of the nature of that process, that is, how everything links together in a unified way. The "neat and orderly" space, though it may include a physical space, is, again, for me, a mental space from which perception, through mindfulness practice, becomes honed. When perception evolves from a dualizing consciousness to a nondual reality, reality, as we ordinarily know it, doesn't disappear, but rather re-appears, as it is, yet free from self-centered projections. These projections, churning from a deluded mind seeking a weird kind of connection to other minds, create confusion, "mind-junk," as you say, because they are fueled by fear. What's missing is the creative process of intimacy, that is, a dialogical engagement with the single focus of understanding: understanding mind, self, other, relationship, reality, and thinking itself.
An example of this would be the process my friends and I engaged in this morning related to these blog posts on mindfulness. We deconstructed the language and interrogated the personal meanings with the aim of deepening our own understanding of mindfulness as we apply it to our living experiences. What struck me most was how delicate language is and how easy it is to get snagged on words themselves. Staying mindful, in this context, meant that each of us stay mindful of the respective individual psychological residue of relational patterns and memories that unconsciously formed perceptions, beliefs, understandings and misunderstandings. The process was a kind of pulsating of consciousness in a collective space, each member integrally connected to each other's meanings, in such a way, as to generate an elevated awareness in everyone. Mindfulness then was another template of meaning from which we were able to stay open. The "staying open" is the learning, again, not to acquire knowledge, but, as David Bohm would phrase it, to perceive "new orders of relationship."
Perceiving without Filters
I fully agree that mindfulness is the way to "perceive new orders of relationship." and while this originates within oneself - it expands to others and ultimately the universe. This however, leads me to ask what one does to improve one's ability to understand and manage "latent emotions" which ultimately filter one's perception of one's relationships with both others and one's environment.
When an intense emotion rises and abides but fails to cease, the refractory period one is thrown into can be lengthened for hours if not days, leading to the misperception of one's world. If Darwin was right and moods plague us, distorting how we see the world and others, how can we be truly mindful when we experience occasional or frequent turbulent emotional fluctuations.
When coping skills of the past no longer work, how does one manage the fluctuations that seem to arise and plague one's mind until they have left their imprint to be viewed another day.
How does one striving to be mindful at all times and during all activities, do so when one's emotional filters need to be replaced or at least given a good cleaning.
To Unitask or Multitask - That is the Question
Om, in today's society where time is seen as a commodity possessing an independent value rather than emptiness, to undertake multiple activities simultaneously, even if it means never truly experiencing the totality of the activity is more valued than undertaking one activity at a time. Sometimes we say it is a gender issue dating back to the caveman days when women were the gatherers and men the hunters. Some say it is the result of rapid growth in technology. I was in an elevator a few years ago in China, and the elevator operator quickly called the office on the 28th floor where we were headed to tell them we would be arriving in 2.5 minutes. He missed living his practice and we missed an opportunity to connect before the doors swung open and bombarding monologes began.
In my opinion tending my environment and unitasking daily tasks is developing my practice and helps me be more aware of how interconnected the universe really is. When too many balls are in the air at one time, I generate my own chaos, and I become blinded by the anxiety of what needs to be done. When others call me controlling I try to help them see my reality through my lenses and understand that I don't expect them to live their life (practice) walking in my footsteps.
Your posting does mention one of my favorite teachers, Thich Nhat Hanh who wrote the following piece in his book, The Art of Power about being mindful in all aspects of one's life:
"When I was a sixteen-year-old novice monk, my teacher taught me to open the door and close the door with one hundred percent of myself. One day, my teacher asked me to get something for him. Because I loved him very much, I was eager to do it, so I rushed to do this task and closed the door quickly. My teacher called me back: "Novice, come back here." I went back to him, I joined my palms and looked at him. He said, 'Novice, this time go out mindfully and close the door behind you mindfully.' That was the first lesson he gave me on the practice of mindfulness. At that moment, I began to walk mindfully and became aware of every step I took. I touched the doorknob mindfully. I opened the door mindfully. I went out and closed the door behind me mindfully. My teacher didn't have to teach me a second time how to close the door.
When you hold the hand of a child, invest one hundred percent of yourself in the act of holding her hand. When you hug your partner, do the same. Forget everything else. Be totally present, totally alive in the act of hugging. This is the opposite of the way we've been trained to lead our lives and run our businesses. We've been taught to do many things at once. We answer an e-mail while we talk on the phone; while in a meeting for one project, we work on our notes for another project. Every new technology promises to help us do more things at once. Now we can send e-mail while listening to music, talking on the phone, taking a picture, all with the same device. With your energy that dispersed, where is your power?
Instead of always multitasking, we must teach ourselves to unitask. Mindfulness needs some training. We may be very intelligent. We may understand this right away. But that doesn't mean we can do it. To do it, we have to practice and train ourselves "
Happy New Year and long live mindfulness!
FROM MINDFULNESS TO MINDLESSNESS TO MINDFULNESS
The significant thing about mindfulness is that it has nothing to do with mind and so has everything to do with the mind. Why do we get trapped in the mind’s rigidity? Why can’t we say, “Hey mind, get out of here?” Why do we tease ourselves and let the mind go just a little bit, and then only to find it hasn’t really gone a little bit at all? You see, I think we have it all wrong. I don’t think we use the mind too much; I think we don’t use it enough and in the right ways. In his book, `On Creativity,’ the physicist David Bohm speaks of “originality and creativity begin[ning] to emerge, not as something that is the result of an effort to achieve a planned and formulated goal, but rather, as the by-product of a mind that is coming to a more nearly normal order of operation.” The problem, Bohm, asserts, is “self-sustaining confusion,” “when the mind is trying to escape the awareness of conflict… in which one’s deep intention is really to avoid perceiving the fact, rather than to sort it out and make it clear.”
We need to have patient, sustained attention to the activity of confusion (uncertainty), rather than attempting to promote creativity directly. Attention for Bohm is itself the “primary creative act.” And enough attention seems to be the one thing so few of us have.
It’s not a coincidence we’re talking about mindfulness and creativity. Mindfulness could very well be understood as a heightened aesthetic experience. In mindfulness we apprehend a deep inner harmony that is felt only as beautiful. What we tend not to realize, however, is that underlying that aesthetic is the desire to learn. It is learning something truly new; not the additive process of acquiring information, but learning new way of perceiving relationship. These new ways begin to grasp the finer, subtler qualities of discernment, a delicate discrimination between difference and similarity, which lead to flashes of insight. The discernment of mindfulness is an opening to new orders of structure, both in world and in mind, not as separate entities, but as nondual process of interconnectedness. Causality at these more subtle levels is a co-arising of experience, not a strictly mechanistic cause-effect relationship (though cause-effect is included!). We might say this arises in relationship with that, as opposed to this causes that. Or, this depends on these conditions and causes.
A deep contemplation of this process of ordering structures is, I believe, what mindfulness achieves, from the most simple attention to making tea, lying down, cleaning, or sharing thoughts and feelings. This is a deepening sense of beauty. As Bohm says, beauty is “the dynamic, evolving processes that consist of order, structure, and harmonious totalities.
This is what I experience, for example, when sitting, writing a poem, making tea, viewing a Cezanne painting, watching a bird, or sharing intimate thoughts and feelings. It’s an interior alignment experienced in moments as a flash of luminous cognizance, love, and peace, a “calm elation.” The isolation dissolves into oneness.
The Last Song of the Day
Below the road in Caumsett at dusk,
billows of beech like smoke rush the sky.
As I walk back from the sound
the grass rises suddenly;
nothing but the silence measures time,
the songs have ceased.
I return to thought.
Up the road by the field
where the last vestige of light squeezes out day,
a mockingbird sits, waiting.
I move closer to catch the site
where he is perching, alone.
He keeps his stance, then dips slightly as the moon,
the white of his tail pointing downward;
he barely cares that I am here.
He begins singing to the melting field.
I think of Whitman's bird
moaning in the night for his mate.
Perhaps we have both lost love;
I will share with him,
for he knows the hidden language of loss.
His gray head bobs and he repeats a phrase.
Suddenly, for a moment,
I feel love again and become a bird.
ASHER, SOME THOUGHTS ON YOUR COMPELLING POST
What I appreciate most about your post is its emphasis on the finer relational and intrapsychic (self-emergent) dynamics of emotional life, and in so doing, in my humble opinion, we deepen the Buddhist perspective on compassion. Buddhism, for example, does not focus on motivational dynamics, which determine the origin and directionality of emotions. For example, a thorough theoretical and personal understanding of emotion, within the context of development, will both most certainly strengthen one’s meditation practice, and, at the same time, guide one’s emotions transformationally, that is, from unconscious thought-products governing one’s state of mind toward consciously accessible objects of insight. By understanding anger’s relationship to fear, or anxiety’s relationship to anger, I can then more clearly and confidently meditate on the nature of these emotions. What am I feeling? What is the meaning of this feeling? What are the conditions and causes of this feeling? How does this feeling affect my thoughts?
If I am unconscious of my feelings, nor understand the origin, meaning, and relationship of feelings to thought, how can I possibly gain enough mastery of mind to understand the nature of reality, self, and relationship, and my motivation, for example, for compassion? How can I truly understand the nature of suffering, my suffering and thus the suffering of all beings? How can I gain mastery over unconscious motivation? One’s focus on compassion is primary, of course, but it seems too superficial and susceptible to misguidance without deepening self-awareness.
Regarding emotions and judgment, I like to distinguish between so-called value judgments and logical judgments. Value judgments refer to the rightness of wrongness of something and so are susceptible to authority of given (usually paternalistic) value systems. When a feeling arises, it is important to view the feeling from the perspective of personal well-being, which may be at odds, for example, with what we have been taught by our parents or society. With that said, happiness does seem a universal desire and anger, shame, envy, and fear, for example, do seem to undermine happiness. However, these so-called negative emotions are also signs of health if we seek to understand rather then “judge” them (il)logically. This is absolutely key because judgment is the (negative/critical) internalized authority that replaces understanding. A logical analysis of one’s emotions relative to the goal of happiness-- which can be defined as well-being-- will necessarily take into account one’s beliefs. Beliefs generate values as much as values determining beliefs. And so, one needs to logically evaluate how these beliefs were formed and informed and whether they resonate with one’s needs. One critical objective of parenting is fostering a child’s autonomy, one form of which is questioning the very beliefs and values of her parents. Many parents fail to accomplish this; some parents foster autonomy implicitly; and fewer parents explicitly foster autonomy and critical thinking in explicit, dialogical ways. Autonomy correlates with attachment modes. Are relationships marked by insecure, distant attachments, insecure ambivalent attachments, or secure attachments.
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Theory of Thought
"Physics is not about how the world is, it is about what we can say
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It’s 3 PM and I’m walking down a crowded 6th Avenue where I pass this yellow makeshift frame and deep brown leather punching bag from which this black man with dreds sculpted arms and smiling is standing over a sign which reads “Non-stop since 11:30 AM;” and under the sign is a yellow cup for change; and the smiling man is a bright glow, a brown sun against yellow sky; and he’s punching the bag the lightness of Ali alternating between the front and back of right and left hands like a refrain like a swallow wing-rowing in updraft; this Buddha-of-boxing’s hands float across the body of the bag like Aeneas galloping in the chachacha-chachacha-chachacha of dactylic glory down 6th Avenue mythology; this man dreams himself the yellow boxing king as he leans on the edge, the cliff of time, peering down at the overflowing yellow bloom below, mind unfolding out of antiquity through the glass narratives of cafes and movie theaters; each thought a hole growing out of itself, too big for this skinny mythless world of same and quick; this modern day minstrel of fist offers up his yellow Trojan horse for a few coins, as if to say with each punch, this is your thought playing out non-stop.
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Cocktail dresses or cocktail gowns usually display shorter lengths than normal gowns, and are normally worn during informal cocktail parties. This is the most famous and best thing to wear when attending events such as a semi-formal event, a prom, and several other occasions. They come in a huge variety of styles, designs, shapes and lengths.
You should familiarize yourself with the varying lengths of cocktail dresses that are commercially available.Their lengths vary depending on the current fashion trends and wardrobe acceptability of a certain year. While the common types of them would stop above the knee,like the white short cocktail dresses and short cocktail dresses 2011, they still popular in this year.If you do not like the thses traditional color.Thelight pink cocktail dresses and black pink cocktail dresses will be the best choice for you. By the way,If you are a hot girl,i guess you may like the short tight cocktail dresses and short mini cocktail dresses.Because they can make you look like a real model. The couture cocktail dresses is the leader of the trend in 2011.All of them are make from the designers, but you need spend several times budget.There are lots of cheap cocktail dresses in internet.search for 'short cocktail dresses cheap 'in google.you will find many stores which sale the white cocktail dresses under 100 and black cocktail dresses under 100 . Don't worry about your size even you are a plus size girl.Because they also sale plus size white cocktail dresses online.
If you sex are Female,It is necessary for your to own some Special Occasion Dresses,maybe some people will be inquisitive that why i said 'some'?There are several kinds of Special occasion dresses.And different dresses suitable for different occasions.Such as Cocktail Dresses,it is suitable for informal occasion.It's different from Evening Dresses.Quinceanera Dresses only can wear in Quinceanera day.Homecoming is an annual school or university reunion for graduates,many girls like to wear short Homecoming Dresses in that day,because the short dress will be good for dance.For me,i would like to wearLittle Black Dresses to be the Prom Dress or homecoming dress.Wearing some beautiful and special accessories to match with it,don't wear some accessories which looks like Wedding Accessories.TheCelebrity Dresses must looks gorgeous and elegant.It is same as formal dress.Don't make youself looks like cheap in celebrity events. I will recommend some useful websites to you.They are Gsdresses,Dress store and Mldress. ALL of them three are good at in customize dresses.Not only they can make beautiful wedding dresses in anysize but also the special occasion dresses.It will be best choice for you..
Homecoming Dresses, UGG
Homecoming Dresses, UGG Ultra Boots
It is homecoming and you are in full enthusiasm to celebrate the school spirit. Your mind would be occupied with a ton of fun activities which would brighten up your enthusiasm the week before homecoming. Even though it is typically a lot less formal than the prom dress, and homecoming dresses under 100 dollars are the best choice for you.So does the discount homecoming dresses.but it still calls for a specialWedding Dresses . It can be considered as a perfect event to wear your formal dress and mark the sweet memories of the day forever. The modest homecoming dresses will makes you looks more elegant.It is an important event and this makes the homecoming dress all the more special.But the question is how to find out a great for the homecoming night. Don't worry, i will give you some useful suggestions.
First of all, you need to know the trend color of this year, the traditional color homecoming dresses like: black homecoming dresses, hite homecoming dresses and silver homecoming dresses keep hot in this year. The pink homecoming dresses, red homecoming dresses, purple homecoming dresses and hot pink homecoming dresses are the most popular color homecoming dresses in autumn 2011.
The short style homecoming dresses are the leader in 2011, so the cheap short homecoming dresses are more and more popular among the range of young women. it is make the short homecoming dresses under 100 become the most hot words in google.But for mature women, long homecoming dresses. one shoulder homecoming dresses and strapless homecoming dresses are the right choice .
If you sex are Female,It is necessary for your to own some Special Occasion Dresses, maybe some people will be inquisitive that why i said 'some'? There are several kinds of Special occasion dresses. And different dresses suitable for different occasions. Such as Cocktail Dresses, it is suitable for informal occasion. It's different from Evening Dresses.Quinceanera Dresses only can wear in Quinceanera day. Homecoming is an annual school or university reunion for graduates, many girls like to wear short Homecoming Dresses in that day, because the short dress will be good for dance. For me, i would like to wearLittle Black Dresses to be the Prom Dress or homecoming dress. Wearing some beautiful and special accessories to match with it, don't wear some accessories which looks like Wedding Accessories. TheCelebrity Dresses must looks gorgeous and elegant. It is same as formal dress.Don't make youself looks like cheap in celebrity events. I will recommend some useful websites to you. They are Gsdresses andDress store. ALL of them three are good at in customize dresses.Not only they can make beautiful wedding dresses in analysize but also the special occasion dresses. It will be best choice for you.
So, if you want to make it come true, you must learn how to decorate your makeups. Then it must cost most of your engery and time to select your dresses, if you have a tight budget. you'd better try to purchase them online directly. where you can not only choose your favourite dress, but also some cheap wedding dresses. Even for these modern young girls, they must need to choose some handbags to match up with their daily garments. Then you may choose them from the Chanel, Gucci, Louis Vuitton even some Cheap Handbags Sale . Or if you like the style of sports. you can also try to wear a pair of Nike Air Max . then if you hold your wedding ceremony in the cold winter. You may choose a Warm Ugg Boot for yourself.
Nowadays UGG boots have turn into style footwear. produced up of 100% sheepskin, these Bestshoes retain your ft cozy and dry. They grew to become preferred specifically throughout globe Wars. Aviators for maintaining their ft cozy employed them. throughout 1960s Australian surfers have been also witnessed placing on these Cheap Ugg Boots Sale for warming their ft soon after riding waves. The Australians also employed to put on them in home throughout mild winters. However, now Uggs certainly are a craze all more than the world, and has proved to become a strike in the two cozy and chilly nations alike.
High top quality sheepskin recognized as 'twin-faced' is employed in producing Ugg boots.which may be inclide the UGG Ultra Short Boots : UGG Ultra Short Boots 5225 Black , UGG Ultra Short Boots 5225 Chestnut. If you want to choose some other colors, you can also choose them from the bright UGG Ultra Short Boots 5225 Chocolate and the UGG Ultra Short Boots 5225 Sand . They will help you to make this cold winter day more warm. You must love the cold snow day.
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Canada Goose , as a well-know brand, are popular and loved by people all over the world. Canada Goose Canada Jackets are designed for those people who live or work in extreme cold areas, such as Canada, Arctic and South Pole country, etc. Canadian Goose coats are durable and well-insulated that can keep you warm from frigid weather. Canada Goose Canada offer all kinds of Canada Goose Coats, Canada Goose Chilliwack Parka, Canada Goose Jackets, Canada Goose Expedition Parka, Canada Goose Solaris Parka, Canada Goose Snow Mantra Parka, Canada Goose Trillium Parka, Canada Goose Yorkville Parka, Canada Goose Gloves, etc. Canada Goose Jackets Canada are available for both men and women. Wear Canada Goose Coats enjoy wonderful outdoor activities. Welcome to Canada Goose Jackets Canada online shop, the latest Canada Goose Parka, Canada Goose Jackets at discount price supplied to you.
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Fruta Planta and Reduce Weight Fruta Planta arepromoted as all-natural Chinese dietary supplements used for weight loss. Fruta Planta and Reduce Weight Fruta Planta is a single product marketed under two brand names, Reduce Weight Fruta Planta and comes packaged in 30-capsule boxes. These products are not authorized for sale in Canada and have not been found in the Canadian marketplace, but it is possible they may have been brought into the country by travellers or purchased over the Internet. Fruta Planta USA Original All Natural Formula is a dietary supplement that fruta planta incorporates traditional Chinese Medicine laws of nature providing the benefits of fruits, plants, and herbs.
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Greetings
It has been a long time, and no time at all. My eyes are the snow as the leaves are Om's. I am so grateful for my life, for the constant changing, the sorrow and the joy; mostly joyoh yes, the joy, the joy. I speak often with my friend whose husband recently died and am aware how grief turns into despair and hopelessness when there is no larger context to see death ( and life). To join with all things - to see the connection and continuation - to understand that one's spirit is everywhere and ever changing, does not lessen grief - but lessens the suffering that could so easily cloud the joy of life. Grief when felt fully and embraced as a part of life and not as all of it, becomes the wind that ushers in spring.. In my own saddness at the loss of one of my oldest friends, I celebrate life and how, no matter how long I am here, in this form, I am so deeply blessed. The snow still covers the woods behind the house, but is melting slowly around the tiny pond. The reemergence of what was covered is always a surprise.
Wishing all who come by to visit and to those who have moved on - much love, joy, and an open heart from now and into all the days of this year and the years that follow.
A QUESTION (FROM BODHI) MOST RELEVANT
Bodhi asks, what does one do “to improve one's ability to understand and manage "latent emotions" which ultimately filter one's perception of one's relationships with both others and one's environment?”
For me, this is probably the most important question from a healing and growth perspective (psychological) and for spiritual development. When you say, “manage,” Bodhi, I think, “master.” Psychologically speaking, it is not cogito ergo sum, but sentio ergo sum: I feel, therefore I am. But, when one’s I-amness is plagued with persistent and intense negative afflictive emotions, and which are likely emerging from out of conscious awareness, how can one possibly not identify nor attach herself to these emotions and the concomitant thought products (eg, beliefs) that arise in consciousness?
Bodhi points to two aspects of therapeutic change: the understanding aspect and the behavioral/cognitive aspect, or the management (regulation) of emotional experience. When negative emotions, such as, fear, and its derivative anger, shame, guilt, envy, and jealousy, for example, take the stage; and/or when one is plagued by pervasive anxiety or depressive mood states, the accompanying helplessness and even hopelessness can be paralyzing. Further, at the regulatory body/mind level of emotional functioning, components, such as, intensity, sensitivity, specificity, and tolerance may be blocked from both a smooth and quick recovery process and access to awareness.
What the therapeutic must focus on, in my opinion, is first recovery and then understanding on all levels of consciousness. In Buddhism, the human being is composed of 5 aggregates: body, feelings, perception, consciousness, and motivation (karmic formation). These concepts align quite well with psychoanalytic frames that attempt to understand the unconscious and relational emotional/thought patterns that interpenetrate with one’s conscious life. The recovery process is, in a sense, the management of emotions in the narrow sense. Learning to calm the body/mind mechanisms that instigate painful emotions allows one to actually absorb the learning process and hopefully further galvanize motivation to change. Meditation practice, for example, is relevant here because it benefits the practitioner at every stage of healing and growth. Before it sufficiently opens one’s perceptual field to experience those new “orders of relationship,” it helps develop attention, concentration, control, breathing and a sense of stability. With that said, a number of people just cannot “sit;” they need a different “style” of meditation that involves movement and visualization. Developing a compassionate attitude towards oneself is critical here. Buddhism emphasizes ‘all beings,’ but tends to underemphasize the truth that “all” includes oneself. And for a relatively brief period of time, this self-focus may be misconstrued for self-centeredness. As self-centered as we all are, particularly given the fact that we live in a culturally-determined
center of self, the focus we tend to place on self is actually a superficial one, and so, results in abnegating self. Self-focus must penetrate the superficial, objectifying layers of subjectivity in order for this “focus” to have transformative affects. Focusing on being instead of doing is an example of this shift.
When you begin to realize that body and mind are inseparable, the nodes of healing expand and become more inclusive. Physical well-being, for example, is not separate from emotional well-being. Self care is care of the total self which, when taken to its ontological end, is all beings, including the environment of universe, world, and the many layers of collectivity. This is true because self depends upon universe as universe depends upon self for existence.
Conversely, as we know, emotional well-being absolutely affects physical well-being. Show me someone who persistently “holds in” anger and fear and I’ll show you a living time bomb. Emotions, because they emerge from body, get trapped in body at both gross and subtle levels.
To take this one step further, I believe that physical well-being and emotional well-being are inseparable from spiritual awareness and practice. When working with people, for example, I find that those individuals who have strong spiritual practices are less burdened by the pervasive and unconscious fear of death and groundlessness that absolutely mitigates one’s emotional well-being. The truth is, we cannot help “knowing” that we will, at some point sooner or later, die. We cannot help “knowing,” that this “self” we desperately, pridefully, angrily, stubbornly grasp onto cannot be found and is absolutely at the mercy of change and impermanence. Even if we don’t consciously think about it, we “know” this every moment of our lives, sleeping and waking. Think about for a moment the implications of that awareness. The question is how we’re struggling to function well, it’s how we’re even functioning at all! Yes, the brain is a clever processer of survival; but consciousness knows the inevitability of impermanence and body/mind cannot ultimately evade its awareness.
But, the bad news is also the very very good news if we open our hearts to what is. And what is is that this “self” that cannot be found can also find joy in the wisdom and compassion of psychological well-being and spiritual awareness. What is is the chance to change, the opportunity to heal if one finds the courage and will to seek the therapeutic of relationship and relationships that are therapeutic. And this doesn’t mean just a therapist, though a therapist may be one worthwhile relationship. And this also doesn’t mean any specific religion, philosophy or singular set of teachings. Though I obviously
have a great affinity for Buddhist philosophy, I am not a Buddhist nor do I only seek out Buddhist wisdom. Though I am obviously a proponent of meditation practice, the meditation practice that works for me is only one way of meditating. There are many.
And so, to address Bodhi’s question, what does one do “to improve one's ability to understand and manage "latent emotions" which ultimately filter one's perception of one's relationships with both others and one's environment?”
The first step is to understand the centrality of emotions in every aspect of evolution, including one’s personal evolution; it means, understanding how emotions reach into all levels of being, including our physical, mental, and spiritual development. It means understanding that one’s “state of mind” is one’s state of reality. It means approaching one’s emotional life through one’s body, mind, and spirit and approaching one’s body, mind, and spirit through the wisdom of emotions. It means slowly, simply, and mindfully taking one step at a time: to learn how to regulate emotions; to learn how to listen to emotions; to learn how to understand emotions; to learn how to act in accordance with the direction of our emotions, which is our needs. If one has clarity about his needs (not wants), he will create happiness necessarily because he will integrate the aspects of his consciousness (body, mind, spirit), in such a way, as to (trans)form his emotional life into a good, well-lived life. It most likely will not fit a number of the formulated ideals of happiness prescribed in American culture – for example, the stress on wealth, constant and heightened pleasure and stimulation, and accumulated goods— and it will require an “internal-ness” in one’s daily attention and intention. At first, it’s destabilizing because it feels unstable. And it is. But, this is why the support of relationship is vital for emotional development. It was critical the first time around; why wouldn’t it be equally significant now.
In the process of learning is beauty, for beauty means learning new ways of perceiving – art, nature, mind, music, love. New means deeper, a billowing of perspective against the backdrop of world, where ultimately world and perspective converge in nondual reality. Interconnectedness is as interconnectedness does: process, the very pulsation of life ever-growing, ever-opening, ever-softening the hard facts of existence.
Learning to Crawl before Running
I read and re-read your post, and each time something new resonates. thank you for sharing.
Learning how to "master" one's emotions on the surface appears simple, to regulate is to listen, to understand and to pursue the path of one's emotions, yet how many humans spend a life-time trying to fully listen let alone understand or truly pursue one's path. Perhaps we each have to crawl before we are able to run with a true sense of freedom from all afflictive emotions.
May the New Year bring a new resolve for a deeper commitment to emotional understanding and therefore mastery.
Om Gum Ganapatayei Namaha
Loveless collapse
Thank you, Om and Emily, for your thoughtful responses. Your perception, about the importance of self-love, is an important one. Self-love was absent from my post.
A boy grew up in small-town America and was taught that to lead a meaningful life he had to succeed at the highest levels. He was taught that he lived in a competitive world. If he did not achieve conventional success, he perceived (and his father and society told him), he would be ostracized. He was drilled and trained. His father's reproach following failures became self-reproach. His father's mantra, to dominate, became his mantra.
The boy lived somewhat comfortably within this belief system. In school, the benchmarks for academic success were quite clear. While he would always fear being called on and not knowing the answer, he knew he could ace tests with enough preparation. He could achieve similar results in sports. By out-preparing the rest, he could "rise to the top."
This mentality extended to the boy's social life. There were clear targets to pursue in the form of attractive young women. Conquering a woman, in a purely physical sense, won praise from his peers.
The boy's belief system was corroborated everywhere he turned. His friends seemed to be pursuing the same goals, which were espoused by American role models in movies and sports.
However, there was a darker truth. While the boy sought these goals on the outside, he drifted away on the inside. When he was not competing, which was 90% of the time, he had terrible anxiety about failing. He became angry, but he did not show it. Rather, he unconsciously slipped into a fantasy world where he always succeeded. And soon, it was safer to remain in the fantasy world than in reality.
In a cruel awakening, the societal benchmarks the boy had accepted proved to be dead-ends. He finished college and graduate school, and in order to pay back his massive debt he worked countless hours in a tall, grey building doing corporate tasks. He sought an answer in society for the pain he felt, but society's answer--consumption--did not ease his suffering.
The system remains firmly entrenched in the world, or so it seems, while a young man lays awake at night, his mind racing away to a safer place.
LOVE REGAINED
Another boy grew up in a blue-collar town in a borough of a large city and was taught only by the absence of safety and the absence of ideas, including what a meaningful life might be. He was taught that survival is the mode of existence, and to run fast, away from danger, and away from a father, drunk and paralyzed from self-hatred and a war that taught boys to mercilessly kill. The boy was neither drilled nor trained but he was smart and hungry for truth, so he trained himself. He went to school and played and lived alone. Isolation was his only belief system because the world never existed too far beyond his mind. His absence was sufficient to make him unrecognizable and thus absent in the eyes of those raising and teaching him. And yet, he survived long enough to teach himself what the conventional world seemed to ignore: that love exists and that truth is relative in the conventional world and absolute in ultimate reality. He learned that competition is a degenerated form of mastery necessarily because competition is inherently divisive. He learned forgiveness and, at that moment, his father became an alcoholic and war hero, while he, himself, felt less isolated. The less isolated he felt, however, the more insane the world appeared, which he knew meant that he was healing and getting healthy. Because he was poor and never taught to achieve, he found himself working early and hard yet perennially conflicted about the conventional models of success. And every time he played the game, he lost a great deal of money. But, he learned that the huge sum of money he lost was one of the greatest gifts he had received and thus realized that loss was his “tuition.” In fact, he learned that all of his many life losses were very deep teachings on the nature of mind and the nature of reality. He was beginning to recognize himself, sufficiently he thought, to realize that this self that grew up in a blue-collar town and carried a myriad of memories, leading up to this very moment, was completely illusory. Yes, self existed and still exists, but never, nor for even one moment, independent of all other phenomena pulsating in and out of mind. And so, like his younger friend, the man knows that all systems are constructed from mind, and remain entrenched in the world, including mind itself, as it sleeps throughout the night, watching the arising and ceasing of dreams.
Pain Explored
Another boy grows up in the cool green suburbs of long island, but says he's from New York in any other context than the ones that are close enough to ask questions and find out he moved from the Bronx when he was 7, pulling farther away from the Harlem streets his father grew up in, gutting fish in his father's "Oriental Food Market" in the early mornings and using the 'N' word freely with his Harlem friends until, surprise, he realized the invisible discourse of race had designated his body within the bounds of cans and cannots before the visibility of those politics in the 60's. Farther away, to sattelleite suburbs to the rich Jewish Long Islanders on the north shores, commuters to the land of commuters to the city, leaving my father stranded and viewed through yet another distorted lens of confusion - the unseen Japanese American sansei (third generation) married to a Jewish woman (tentatively) with the mixed children, in the house of his wife's parents, in a land of Jews, Chinese, and Koreans, farther away. Farther away from the New York City Japanese Community Center, the Buddhist Temple where he would play ping pong, away from the opportunities for his boy to model a Japanese identity within the community. Instead, the boy enjoyed his exoticism, and his precociousness lead him with a great sense of adventure. And the talent, oh, the talent, singing and laughing and spreading joy with great humor, the boy enjoyed an incredibly irreverance for anyone or anything standing in his way. He performed for his own delight, and to the delight of others - those others, who would act in the place of a Japanese community to form the identity of the boy, who only knew what they knew from the media and conventional discourses, who in a way had formed their own Japanese identity by not being that identity, and who relayed this information through signs and symbols for the boy's unconscious to process and internalize with master strokes of creativity. The boy went on, slipping deeper into the pitfalls of directionless energy, but managed to grab a hold of a dangling rope before hitting the rocky bottom, or a string, rather, six strings in fact, hunching over his instrument as if incubating an egg whose contents would only be found out later after hatching. As if in repetition of family history, ontogony recapitulates phylogony, the boy had everything taken away from him - he learned his burgenoning creativity was to be punished, and road tempermental bulls of productivity and depression, raging forward towards the red silk scarf only to collapse a moment later in distorted, uncomfortable sleep.
Now the boy is sick of performing. He looks in the mirror and has learned that a body is marked by the suffering of the past and that no body is apolitical; pain is not simply a fact of life to him, flowing into him from an elusive portal in the sky, but pain is a link to the past, his past, the dynamic shock of the stone falling in the river only to send ripples, widening concentric circles, and waves out into the families of different nations, classes, creeds, colors. He has learned he is connected to others in that fallen stone; a falling star. He knows he has a lot of work to do. He is scared of his own limitations, of sleeping in late and of forgetting to play his instrument in his studies. He is chipping away at the stone. He knows he is in the right place.
PAIN OF THE FATHER EXPLORED
How joyous to feel language reach out to connect us in ways no other beings have had achieved. And yet, in that reaching out there is still so much misunderstanding. Why? Why do we seem to fall short when it comes to using language in the way it was intended and designed? Why do we take this very precious gift and, so it seems, turn it inward and against ourselves? As amazed I am to see the brilliance and beauty of language work in the healing process, I am perhaps even more amazed to see it unused and misused. What I mean is that language is more often used to turn or push away; to avoid rather than create or repair relationship. Yes, I can devise a list of reasons, some plausible, some not, but that’s not what I’m referring to. I mean that I am affected deeply and filled with sorrow that we as a collectivity have not been able to overcome more isolation than we have. Even in friendlier and closer relationships I find others unable or unwilling to break through the barriers of language and embrace the intimacy that language is in its very core.
As I read BenNing’s awesome post, I see a young man fighting to break out of his isolation, his “link to the past.” He and Asher remind us of how fragile this thing called relationship is. And, it seems, for the young man, the hole in his voice takes shape in the form of his father. But, I would also extend that to the daughter, too. The father, as he is in our culture, has this tremendous burden to bring language to that sacred and intimate space where, often and sadly, he finds himself bereft and helpless to find it. I think of that burden often these days as I wish for the intention of language, like a child who has turned away, to find its way back home:
You have come home and sat at my feet on our ancient mountain,
Listening to the birds calling and the monkeys screeching
And the mountain chanting, echoing from the Buddha Hall.
You have come back to me, determined not to be a vagabond any longer.
This morning the birds of the morning joyfully welcome the bright sun.
Do you know, my child, that the white clouds are still floating in the vault of the sky?
Where are you now? The ancient mountain is still there
In this place of the present moment,
Although the white-crested wave still wants to go in the other direction.
Look again, you will see me in you and in every leaf and flower bud.
If you call my name, you will see me right away.
Where are you going?
The old frangipani tree offers its fragrant flowers this morning.
You and I have never really been apart.
Spring has come. The pines have put out new shining green needles
And on the edge of the forest, the wild plum trees have burst into flower.
-- Thicht Naht Hahn
UNBORN EXPLORED
Another boy is about to be born somewhere in the midst of freedom, yet still in the shackles of karma, and his name means a gift from God, the irony of its twist of which is not lost on his parents. To them the comedy is divine. The most important thing that passes through the father’s mind is to back off for he knows to impose his ignorance on the boy means only more ignorance. The father smiles knowing the boy will likely not need to endure the father’s impoverished history but surely he still must face unbelievable impoverishment and suffering, “unjust” wars, just “rewards”, and just an insane humanity lost in its spin cycle of destruction. How to handle psychic conflict seems relatively simple to the father but how does a parent handle the lack of psychic conflict? How does one handle relative health? How does one learn and learn to appreciate suffering if one hasn’t greatly suffered? How does one negotiate stupidity, navigate ignorance, and mitigate violence and authoritarianism if one doesn’t have the burden of internalizing them too early? The father of this young boy is waiting in silence, trembling in the unknown. He’s about to sacrifice the boy for God. He prays Buddha has a parachute.
Three quotes by Rilke
"For whom the will wavers, for him wavers the world."
"If someone were to burst into song at the spot intended for him, even if that meant while working a machine or using a plow (which would be a quite privileged position!), that is of course acceptable . . ."
"How to lift up [a young man or woman's] desperate heart, how to shape their disfigured will, which has assumed the character of something borrowed and altogether provisional under the impact of events and which they now carry inside themselves like an alien power that they hardly know how to use!"
Rilke, who are these men and women who burst into song at the spot intended for them? Were you intended to be a poet? You certainly were a great poet, but it is far too facile to declare poetry your raison d'etre. Who is intending, anyway? And who are we to suppose that the intend-er speaks the language of present-day professions?
But Rilke, you also recognize that people's wills can be disfigured by events. Is that an explanation for why a young man cannot make up his mind and act? Or might it be that the young man's "fate," interpreted as you please, was to be confused and indecisive?
Rilke, I don't mean to be angry at you. But I'm screaming, "Help me! You clearly know greater depths than me!" and you cannot respond from where you are. And neither can the woman who worked the machine or the man who used the plow, nor those whose wills were entangled like mine.
Confusion is an act of will
These men and women who burst into song: this is the moment struggle ceases. They no longer fight to maintain the confusion of self.
We go on in our struggle, the imprisonment of confusion. I do. I can see my confusion now, I am still unwilling to let it go.
But when we are able to relax the world will no longer be as rigid as we thought. Indeed the world will waver, how frightening. Rilke may not have meant to take the will exactly this way. Perhaps more that when we release the will from its defensive and auto erotic fixation, the confusion subsides. We can only be what we are: song. Remember that poetry, Rilke's poetry, is not a thing. In his moments, singing is not what he does; it is what he is. Do you see?
Forget to be confused, or remember not to. Rilke's piercing lyrics were bursts of light in what was, I imagine, a dark, claustrophobic, and anguished life. But to know the confusion so completely, its struggle so fascinating and willed, to see this is also a gift, the possibility of song. For myself and all of us out there struggling in confusion, aware of the circle of pain and futility, I hope that this is true.
From Chogyam Trungpa's Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism:
Q. If you are feeling very confused and trying to work your way out of the confusion, it would seem that you are trying too hard. But if you do not try at all, then are we to understand that we are fooling ourselves?
A. Yes, but that does not mean that one has to live by the extremes of trying too hard or not trying at all. One has to work with a kind of "middle way," a complete state of "being as you are." We could describe this with a lot of words, but one really has to do it. If you really start living the middle way, then you will see it, you will find it. You must allow yourself to trust yourself, to trust in your own intelligence. We are tremendous people, we have tremendous things in us. We simply have to let ourselves be. External aid cannot help. If you are not willing to let yourself grow, then you fall into the self-destructive process of confusion. It is self-destruction rather than destruction by someone else. That is why it is effective; because it is self-destruction.
TO BE OR NOT TO BE CONFUSED, THAT IS THE CONFUSION
I find that most people are less confused and more conflicted, and because they are conflicted they are completely confused. If we look at ourselves with the intention to understand rather than “be,” being itself will become irrelevant, a word, like all words we rely on when we don’t understand. Understanding is a process of making sense and sensing the making of conflict so that confusion is merely just clothed ignorance. We have this fancy for complication, with words, with actions, with the way we live. Forget Rilke, forget the will, forget confusion and begin with what you know: emotion. Emotion is the very core of existence because it IS experience. It reminds us that we are alive and it protests when we fail to live. Emotion moves us through evolution and is both the compass(ing) and destin(ing) of that process.
I say conflict instead of confusion because, what causes the belief that we are confused is really the failure to address the conflict of opposing internal forces (emotions) contracting our freedom and inhibiting us from stretching beyond where we now passively stand. Intention comes from the Latin, intendere, to “stretch.” You see, it’s all about motion! Understanding, whether psychological or spiritual, comes down to apprehending this fundamental core of motioning being. We “feel” confused when we cling to reifications—things -- even if those things are thoughts. But, it’s a basic foil of mind, a childish refusal to move—move toward understanding. Understanding and emotion are inseparable. To know is to know feeling; not merely, I’m feeling sad, but the higher understanding of the nature of sadness, what sadness means (points to) in the context of one’s evolution (movement towards). To get lost in one’s emotions is pure narcissism; to get lost in feeling one’s feelings alone is addiction. One has to understand emotion to master emotion and thus the conflicts (opposing emotions) that torture and thus fuel our addiction to romantic suffering, to dualizing consciousness.
Rilke’s brilliance and success were also his ultimate failure because he failed to relate outside his poem. He left us with pointers but not with understanding; he left us with inspiration but not with a way out of the most addictive dream: ideality. It is a dangerous mistake to think Rilke knew his confusion “so completely;” if he did, he would have realized intimacy instead of running from it. It is a very thin line between personal anguish and experiencing sorrow for all suffering beings. We must be careful not to conflate the two. For to get lost in the world’s suffering is to project onto the world our own; and, inversely, to get lost in our own suffering is to mistake that suffering for the world. Both stances fail to understand and thus miss the very conflict, the understanding of which will unmask the false confusion.
FROM RILKE TO UNDERSTANDING, FROM UNDERSTANDING TO HAPPINESS
Rilke’s greatest success was in his finding a new expression of evocative (Latin, evocare, to rouse, to summon!) language to “see” human reality as it is lived and directly known; known even in the uncovering of elusive features of experience. (This is why I argue against “confusion” and argue for “conflict” or being “startled.” The difference is in the understanding of “what we see.”) Rilke consistently aimed at a returning to the actual experience prior to the world of representation. As he says: “Things.
When I say the word (are you listening?), it grows silent; the silence that surrounds things. All motion subsides and becomes contour, and something permanent is formed from the past and the future: space, the great calm of things, liberated from desire."
The silence that surrounds things is consciousness, spirit wrapping its arms around things found and things made, like a mother nourishing its essence and so giving it form. And it is the silence that brings us closer to the essence, for silence is the dimension of spirit. As William Gass says, “Silence is God’s first language.” But, it is a specific type of silence, a silence nestled in a stillness that unlayers the motion of time.
Now, this last phrase, “unlayers the motion of time,” is most significant because emotion, in a way, is the process of layering and unlayering of time, the construction of identities through the inherent histories of subjectivity and the dismantling of those same identities and histories that give the illusion of some fractured, limited reality. What I think Rilke, other mystics of words, and nondual philosophies are pointing to is, not confusion, but ambiguity, a kind of charged indeterminacy. It is always tense, in that its openness is a stretching (intendere) toward the beyond and therefore transcendent to the prior. As I say to my friends, for example, “You didn’t create your psychology but it is your responsibility to change it.” This is a philosophical prosposition as much as a psychological truth that is rooted in a kind of metaphysics. Reach into the ambiguity of psychological and perceptual experience and get acquainted with it. Robert Frost says, in his “Acquainted With the Night,” poetizes this point:
I have been one acquainted with the night.
I have walked out in rain - and back in rain.
I have outwalked the furthest city light.
I have looked down the saddest city lane.
I have passed by the watchman on his beat
And dropped my eyes, unwilling to explain.
I have stood still and stopped the sound of feet
When far away an interrupted cry
Came over houses from another street,
But not to call me back or say good-bye;
And further still at an unearthly height,
One luminary clock against the sky
Proclaimed the time was neither wrong nor right.
I have been one acquainted with the night.
-----------------
But, getting “acquainted,” to me, means something pretty serious. It means work. Discipline, becoming a disciple to understanding. To acquaint, from the Latin, accognitare, means "to make known.” To understand, to stand before; to grasp up into one’s being that which is unknown. And what is unknown is consciousness, that which is unseen, half-hidden in the murky depths, ineffable and unspeakable. And yet, we find what cannot be found and make what cannot be made; and speak what is unspeakable. The philosopher, Merleau-Ponty, in describing the perceptual shift from ambiguity to resolution, states,
“As I approached [the run aground ship]… I… felt that the look of the object was on the point of altering, that something was imminent in this tension, as a storm is imminent in storm clouds. Suddenly the sight before me was recast in a manner satisfying to my vague expectation.”
I suggest this same resolution dynamic can also be contextualized as an emotional ambiguity involving inherent “ambiguity relations.” The resolution, of course, is never final because in living there is only change and impermanence. Further, feeling entails an opening up to a myriad of meanings in which we can offer ourselves. A friend of mine refers to the emotional shifting, from indeterminacy to configuration, as a “pulsation,” a dynamic beating as we relationally move through the world. This is the flow of (e)motion carrying us across the now to another now towards the infinite nows of living consciousness. But, “carrying” is not really precise enough. As we interact in the perceptual fluidity of world, emotions constantly arise, abide, and cease: shifting, affecting, changing intensity and sensitivity, specificity and windows of tolerance, and the process of recovery. It is this pulsating, this shifting of emotion in consciousness that literally forms our perception of self, things, and others in the world. So vital is this function that, not only who one is, but how one lives and dies depends on it.
When I say, “I choose to be happy,” I mean many things but not the least of which is the choice to understand the nature of emotions. It doesn’t mean to explore the world, make a lot of money, have a family, succeed at a career, though it may include those things. For those things, either separate or together, will not lead to happiness. Happiness is a feeling dependent on a complex emotional dynamic process involving body, mind, and spirit, and which is constituted in relationship. Not a specific relationship, but emerges through an interconnected sphere of relational experiences. I would even go so far as to claim that how comfortable we are relationally determines whether we can achieve happiness. Whether we choose to live in solitude or among others is not the point; it is whether we can achieve sufficient comfort in the mirroring experience of other. Like it or not, we are relational beings and happiness is, as compassion, a relational process.
What does this mean? Two things: one, understanding, however comprehensive, depending on the individual’s needs, is at the heart of happiness; and, two, true happiness means complete relational harmony. I am comfortable, at peace, and completely accepting of myself when with you. If I am stricken with anxiety in your company, fraught with fear, anger, or avoiding you, I am clearly suffering and am not happy.
The Buddhist monk, Matthieu Ricard (`The Quantum and the Lotus’), in his book, `Happiness,’ writes:
“what is nature of mind? …if we look from the experiential point of view, there is a primary quality of consciousness, that's just the mere fact to be cognitive, to be aware. Consciousness is like a mirror that allows all images to rise on it. You can have ugly faces, beautiful faces. The mirror allows that, but the mirror is not tainted, is not modified, is not altered by those images. Likewise, behind every single thought there is the bare consciousness, pure awareness. This is the nature. It cannot be tainted intrinsically with hatred or jealousy because, then, if it was always there -- like a dye that would permeate the whole cloth -- then it would be found all the time, somewhere. We know we're not always angry, always jealous, always generous.
So, because the basic fabric of consciousness is this pure cognitive quality that differentiates it from a stone, there is a possibility for change because all emotions are fleeting. That is the ground for mind training. Mind training is based on the idea that two opposite mental factors cannot happen at the same time. You could go from love to hate. But you cannot, at the same time, toward the same object, the same person, want to harm and want to do good. You cannot, in the same gesture, shake hand and give a blow. So there are natural antidotes to emotions that are destructive to our inner well-being. So that's the way to proceed. Rejoicing compared to jealousy. A kind of sense of inner freedom as opposite to intense grasping and obsession. Benevolence, loving kindness against hatred.”
re understanding
"Mind training is based on the idea that two opposite mental factors cannot happen at the same time. You could go from love to hate. But you cannot, at the same time, toward the same object, the same person, want to harm and want to do good. You cannot, in the same gesture, shake hand and give a blow."
I'm interested in investigating more carefully Ricard's statement. While it is difficult to imagine both wanting to both utterly destroy and lovingly uplift someone in the same breath, I experience in less stark ways the presence of conflicting emotions all the time. Two impulses, both arising from different mental structures and emotional spaces, form the tension of so much experience. A regressive pattern of fear shame and withdraw, for example, may be in conflict with a more evolved awareness of compassion, relationship and the emptiness of self.
The root worldviews for both ways of relating have associated patterns of thought and feeling , and in the long process of transcending the former for the latter, there is a space of overlap in which the primary awareness mirrors both modes of perception.
Can love and fear (from which hate arises) exist simultaneously? Perhaps not in a pure sense, but the impulse toward love and expansion can, it seems to me, be present simultaneously and in conflict with another impulse toward fear based retraction.
I know that neuropsychologists have even found in the physical structure of the brain tensions, or competing signals, between the older structures (the reptile / instinctual regions) and the more recent frontal cortices.
I observe my mind / mind body as that pulsing and shifting you describe, constantly flickering between different states of though and feeling. But I also often find myself negotiating a tension between two or more different impulses or feelings which seem to occur simultaneously.
The confusion I experience occurs when there is not enough space in awareness to understand the conflict. But at the same time, the conflict between this or that arises out of some fundamental confusion. Only the awareness that sees is never itself conflicted or confuses; it seems to have no quality whatsoever, but is a space of disclosure which occurs as that which is disclosed. And the more clearly I see the conflict, it is not that it dissolves but indeed becomes the ambiguity you speak to. Sometimes i feel like conflict is like a mask, a mis-identification in some strange way. Absent hate, how would we know what to call love? Can we understand what it means to love without experiencing in love the transcendence of fear?
UNDERSTANDING NOAH AND KNOWING UNDERSTANDING: RESPONSE TO NOAH
Ricard: "Mind training is based on the idea that two opposite mental factors cannot happen at the same time. You could go from love to hate. But you cannot, at the same time, toward the same object, the same person, want to harm and want to do good. You cannot, in the same gesture, shake hand and give a blow."
OM: This above statement is both true and incorrect. In fact, from a psychological (psychoanalytic) perspective, which is primarily phenomenological, as you stated, Noah, the experience of conflict is precisely the co-existence of opposing emotions. One can consciously believe he loves someone but, simultaneously, unconsciously hold a deep resentment. With that said, from a Buddhist philosophical perspective, the idea of a divided mind exists but how mental factors (in this case, feelings) are defined I think is more precise. Gehlek Rimpoche, for example, playfully but profoundly distinguishes between “idiot” compassion and true compassion. If one is truly compassionate, there is no division in the mind. The mind is now single-pointed in its perceptual and conceptual clarity. In Western psychology, it seems as if there is less ontological purity, and so, love and hatred can ostensibly co-exist. The truth is, if one simultaneously hates and loves, the type of love one feels is necessarily an immature, dependent version of love. If one is jealous, can one truly love? A Buddhist response would likely be no. Not in the “pure sense,” as you say. I agree with this distinction. Eric Fromm, in his `The Art of Loving,’ also distinguishes between these developmental levels of love. As we move higher up the developmental ladder, love becomes less and less attached, less identified with specific objects, and more excessive and abundant.
NOAH: While it is difficult to imagine both wanting to both utterly destroy and lovingly uplift someone in the same breath, I experience in less stark ways the presence of conflicting emotions all the time. Two impulses, both arising from different mental structures and emotional spaces, form the tension of so much experience. A regressive pattern of fear shame and withdrawal, for example, may be in conflict with a more evolved awareness of compassion, relationship and the emptiness of self.
OM: I think this is an accurate statement from a psychological perspective. We can witness the more “stark” examples of love/hate in children with disturbed attachment experience, for example, in avoidant or ambivalent attachment to parents. No, the experience of “love” and “hatred” never arise simultaneously, as Ricard suggests, but because of a conflict around feeling safe and secure, a child (or even adult) quickly vacillates between these two emotions. Emotional regulation gets derailed and the associated thought processes start patterning and calcifying as negative beliefs. This “regressive” pattern you speak of is only regressive because, over the course of development, “a more evolved awareness” has been established. This higher awareness is the result of restoring emotional regulation vis-à-vis an integrative, reparative (often therapeutic) process. The lagging other aspect of self that still intermittently enters into a regressive negative pattern or stays leveled in a conflictual mode merely means there’s more therapeutic work (in whatever forms) to be done towards a more integrated, cohesive self experience.
NOAH: I observe my mind / mind body as that pulsing and shifting you describe, constantly flickering between different states of though and feeling. But I also often find myself negotiating a tension between two or more different impulses or feelings which seem to occur simultaneously.
OM: This “negotiating” process is the internalized therapeutic mind first balancing and then “insighting” its way toward understanding. That tension (conflict) exists is positive because “tension,” “intention,” and “attention” are all rooted in the Latin, “intendere,” which means to stretch. The dialectical holding of opposing perceptions/emotions/ views, at some point of investigation, give way to the dialogical responsivity of intimate relating and resolution. The process is recursive in that, as mind revisits and interrogates old patterns, it uses the old to create (and reinforce) new modes of understanding self experience. Further, through interrogation, we begin to see what Ricard is saying: though feelings “seem” to occur simultaneously, they in fact are not and the unpeeling, unlayering aspect of therapeutic insight (and concomitant insight meditation) reveals the fundamental erroneous belief patterns of which negative emotions depend for their perpetuity.
NOAH: The confusion I experience occurs when there is not enough space in awareness to understand the conflict. And the awareness that sees is never itself conflicted, for it seems to have no quality whatsoever, only a spaciousness which occurs as the content it discloses. And the more clearly I see the conflict, it is not that it dissolves but indeed becomes the ambiguity you speak to. Conflict is like a mask, a mis-identification in some strange way. Absent hate, how would we know what to call love? Can we understand what it means to love without experiencing in love the transcendence of fear?
OM: I very much like this formulation of “confusion,” as the experiential contraction of space from which awareness seeks understanding. But, what is that space if not an introjection, an internalized voice that muddles what we are seeking. A voice that replaces context with content, reified objects of negative thought products that, in turn, produce and reinforce fear. Perhaps that space is the closing in of an anxious, depressed other or, in my case, mother. Because my mother was abandoned and placed in an orphanage as a 5 year old, her capacity to nourish in mature ways were significantly ruptured. What she experienced as loving me were, on a deeper level, her desperate attempts at being loved. But, you see, in her mind, she was not worthy of love and so an entire relational attachment pattern was created where I felt simultaneously suffocated and rejected. I became parentified, in a way, and had to soothe my anxious and depressed mother in order to get my needs met. Needless to say, as a precocious child, my skills at soothing became unqualified; but I had to spend many years repairing that part of my psyche that mistook caretaking for love.
And so, what do we call mature love? The unqualified desire to create joy. And this means ultimately that fear and all negative emotions must dissolve and offer themselves up to the transformation of self to no-self.
"IT IS FAR TOO FACILE TO DECLARE POETRY YOUR RAISON D'ETRE"
Letter One
Paris
February 17, 1903
Dear Sir,
Your letter arrived just a few days ago. I want to thank you for the great confidence you have placed in me. That is all I can do. I cannot discuss your verses; for any attempt at criticism would be foreign to me. Nothing touches a work of art so little as words of criticism : they always result in more or less fortunate misunderstandings. Things aren't all so tangible and sayable as people would usually have us believe; most experiences are unsayable, they happen in a space that no word has ever entered, and more unsayable than all other things are works of art, those mysterious existences, whose life endures beside our own small, transitory life.
With this note as a preface, may I just tell you that your verses have no style of their own, although they do have silent and hidden beginnings of something personal. I feel this most clearly in the last poem, "My Soul." There, something of your own is trying to become word and melody. And in the lovely poem "To Leopardi" a kind of kinship with that great, solitary figure does perhaps appear. Nevertheless, the poems are not yet anything in themselves, not yet anything independent, even the last one and the one to Leopardi. Your kind letter, which accompanied them, managed to make clear to me various faults that I felt in reading your verses, though I am not able to name them specifically.
You ask whether your verses are an y good. You ask me. You have asked others before this. You send them to magazines. You compare them with other poems, and you are upset when certain editors reject your work. Now (since you have said you want my advice) I beg you to stop doing that sort of thing. You are looking outside, and that is what you should most avoid right now. No one can advise or help you - no one. There is only one thing you should do. Go into yourself. Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its roots into the very depths of your heart; confess to yourself whether you would have to die if you were forbidden to write. This most of all: ask yourself in the most silent hour of your night: must I write? Dig into yourself for a deep answer. And if this answer rings out in assent, if you meet this solemn question with a strong, simple "I must," then build your life in accordance with this necessity; your while life, even into its humblest and most indifferent hour, must become a sign and witness to this impulse. Then come close to Nature. Then, as if no one had ever tried before, try to say what you see and feel and love and lose. Don't write love poems; avoid those forms that are too facile and ordinary: they are the hardest to work with, and it takes great, fully ripened power to create something individual where good, even glorious, traditions exist in abundance. So rescue yourself from these general themes and write about what your everyday life offers you; describe your sorrows and desires, the thoughts that pass through your mind and your belief in some kind of beauty - describe all these with heartfelt, silent, humble sincerity and, when you express yourself, use the Things around you, the images from your dreams, and the objects that you remember. If your everyday life seems poor, don't blame it; blame yourself; admit to yourself that you are not enough of a poet to call forth its riches; because for the creator there is not poverty and no poor, indifferent place. And even if you found yourself in some prison, whose walls let in none of the world's sounds - wouldn't you still have your childhood, that jewel beyond all price, that treasure house of memories? Turn your attentions to it. Try to raise up the sunken feelings of this enormous past; your personality will grow stronger, your solitude will expand and become a place where you can live in the twilight, where the noise of other people passes by, far in the distance. - And if out of this turning-within, out of this immersion in your own world, poems come, then you will not think of asking anyone whether they are good or not. Nor will you try to inte4rest magazines in these works: for you will see them as your dear natural possession, a piece of your life, a voice from it. A work of art is good if it has arisen out of necessity. That is the only way one can judge it. So, dear Sir, I can't give you any advice but this: to go into yourself and see how deep the place is from which your life flows; at its source you will find the answer to the question whether you must create. Accept that answer, just as it is given to you, without trying to interpret it. Perhaps you will discover that you are called to be an artist. Then take the destiny upon yourself, and bear it, its burden and its greatness, without ever asking what reward might come from outside. For the creator must be a world for himself and must find everything in himself and in Nature, to whom his whole life is devoted.
But after this descent into yourself and into your solitude, perhaps you will have to renounce becoming a poet (if, as I have said, one feels one could live without writing, then one shouldn't write at all). Nevertheless, even then, this self-searching that I as of you will not have been for nothing. Your life will still find its own paths from there, and that they may be good, rich, and wide is what I wish for you, more than I can say
What else can I tell you? It seems to me that everything has its proper emphasis; and finally I want to add just one more bit of advice: to keep growing, silently and earnestly, through your while development; you couldn't disturb it any more violently than by looking outside and waiting for outside answers to question that only your innermost feeling, in your quietest hour, can perhaps answer.
It was a pleasure for me to find in your letter the name of Professor Horacek; I have great reverence for that kind, learned man, and a gratitude that has lasted through the years. Will you please tell him how I feel; it is very good of him to still think of me, and I appreciate it.
The poems that you entrusted me with I am sending back to you. And I thank you once more for your questions and sincere trust, of which, by answering as honestly as I can, I have tried to make myself a little worthier than I, as a stranger, really am.
Yours very truly,
Rainer Maria Rilke
WHO WAS SIMON WEISENTHAL?
I just watched tonight the Simon Weisenthal documentary (`I Have Never Forgotten You’) and, again, am stunned but the horrors we human beings inflict upon one another. As Weisenthal says, “None of my "clients" - not Eichmann, not Stangl, not Mengele, and not even Hitler or Stalin - was born a criminal. Somebody had to teach them to hate…”. But, we are not merely talking of individuals; we can see in the documentary footage miles of crowds cheering Hitler as he endorses and praises the hatred of human beings, like yet distinct from most of the crowd. No, this is not new. I have witnessed this and other atrocities my entire life and, I must say, it’s getting more not less difficult to grasp. What is it in mind – and a mind not born a criminal-- that leads to such destruction?
Towards the end of his life at 96, Weisenthal was crying as he received one of many honors: "Please don't call me a hero. I don't feel like a hero. I have always seen myself as a survivor. And for that, I have to thank you, you don't thank me." We are so imperfect, so delicate it seems, even in our remarkable resilience. Hatred is a mode of existence and pervasive in this world, today as much as 70 years ago. And the seed of hatred is not only trauma; it is mostly ignorance and passivity, and the refusal to fight for the well-being of others.
“There is no denying that Hitler and Stalin are alive today... they are waiting for us to forget, because this is what makes possible the resurrection of these two monsters.” Please don’t ever forget and don’t let anyone else either. Our lives depend on it.
I am grateful to be alive so that I can cultivate compassion for all beings without exception.
Om mani padme hum
more to OM
"But, what is that space if not an introjection, an internalized voice that muddles what we are seeking. A voice that replaces context with content, reified objects of negative thought products that, in turn, produce and reinforce fear."
Okay, space is really the wrong for what I intended. The space I'm talking about is one of greater perspective and clarity. Perhaps openness is a better word than space. The openness is both within and around the conflicted experience. Isn't this the initial and most basic benefit of meditation to a conflicted mind? The feeling of conflict and affliction does not initially dissolve completely, but feels less dire, less urgent, because it is no longer filling the perceptual / emotional field. It is contextualized.
There is no voice interjecting distance, and the affliction isn't 'worked out.' The openness allows me to relate to what seemed like an intractable problem from a different perspective, a clearer field of awareness. You are fond of pointing out that problems are not solved, but transcended by moving to greater levels of awareness. This is what the openness allows me.
So space is not the best word, though it is so often used in this way, because its not that experience shrinks away from some watcher ballooning out into the everything. For quite a while I thought that this is what was meant by moving into the higher, witnessing states of awareness, as described my Maharaj or Wilber. But the problem is that the more watching I did, watching the watcher ad absurdum, my sense of life started shrinking away in dissociative spiral of, yes, ego reification, exactly as you describe.
The openness, the permeability, that I meant to speak to instead occurs in both the content and as the context. In changing the relationship (context) the content also changes.
Where is the mirror? It seems to me that the mirror just takes the form of what it reflects, like the sense consciousness, which just takes the form of what is sensed.
Thus, as I learn to notice the process of mind, patterns of thought and feeling and irritation persisting, the sense of observing mind is really just a quality of openness which develops as part of the content of mind itself. There really isn't a Noah watching his feeling, just a thought-feeling with this quality of awareness-of-context.
In this view, there is no where to go at all, but as the space of disclosure (mirror of awareness) is cleared up, what is disclosed also becomes clearer and less confused.
I prefer to see it in this way because it tends to interrupt the dissociative pattern and keeps things from becoming too rigid.
I NOAH SPACE THAT'S OPEN: RESPONSE TO NOAH
NOAH: Okay, space is really the wrong for what I intended. The space I'm talking about is one of greater perspective and clarity. Perhaps openness is a better word than space. The openness is both within and around the conflicted experience. Isn't this the initial and most basic benefit of meditation to a conflicted mind? The feeling of conflict and affliction does not initially dissolve completely, but feels less dire, less urgent, because it is no longer filling the perceptual / emotional field. It is contextualized.
OM: Yes, openness is what you mean in this context, and so, space is a perfect metaphor for the perspective that’s created as consciousness “opens” to different views. Remember, depth means perspective and what we’re doing is, as we go “deeper,” perceptually and conceptually, with the help of reason, dismantling these deluded and thus afflictive psychological patterns (what you call “openness within and around the conflicted experience”). By the way, I do not think meditation alone creates the skillful means from which to achieve this aim. As I’ve argued, a deep, interrogative psychoanalytic process, accompanied by protracted meditation practice, is best suited for dismantling afflictive psychological patterns.
NOAH:There is no voice interjecting distance, and the affliction isn't 'worked out.' The openness allows me to relate to what seemed like an intractable problem from a different perspective, a clearer field of awareness. You are fond of pointing out that problems are not solved, but transcended by moving to greater levels of awareness. This is what the openness allows me.
OM: The space of consciousness (as Witness or meta-cognitive structures) is critical but only in the abstract is it pure space. In phenomenological experience, space is always combined with cognizance, knowing. This is what makes it truly nondual, that emptiness itself is empty of independent existence! (emptiness is nothing other than form!) if we still the mind, it indeed feels as if the space is opening up and a kind of de-reifying (dissolution) process occurs. But, what exactly is that experience directly? What exactly creates a “clearer field of awareness?” These are profound philosophical questions with significant psychological implications. When I describe meditation with friends, I have them visualize this exact opening of their perceptual field, the result of which makes the objects of identification and attachment proportionately shrink. As you say, not only is the content changing, the context from which the content takes on meaning is transformed. And so, the space is never separate from the content and context; there is rather a shifting of perspectives.
As I compare our statements, it seems as if we’re saying very similar things. You say, “it’s not that experience shrinks away from some watcher ballooning out into the everything…. the problem is that the more watching I did, watching the watcher ad absurdum, my sense of life started shrinking away in dissociative spiral of, yes, ego reification, exactly as you describe.” If I am reading this correctly, this is exactly my point: “watching” without “making sense” of, that is, experientially sublating (deconstructing) not only the thought-products of consciousness, but the fundamental sense of self, leaves one spinning and slipping into an abysmal, nihilistic void that the existentialists spoke of. They, of course, thought the solution was in resolving death anxiety, but they overlooked the very subject that has death anxiety, and so, missed the boat (what they really needed to explore was the basic sense of lack, or groundlessness one experiences as a result of dualizing consciousness.
NOAH: Thus, as I learn to notice the process of mind, patterns of thought and feeling and irritation persisting, the sense of observing mind is really just a quality of openness which develops as part of the content of mind itself. There really isn't a Noah watching his feeling, just a thought-feeling with this quality of awareness-of-context.
OM: I’m not exactly sure what you’re saying here, with regard to your resolution of the “dissociative spiral” you referred to. My guess is that “noticing” “the process of mind, patterns of thought and feeling and irritation persisting” somehow keeps you integrated (as opposed to dissociated). But, what does this “noticing” mean? How does it actually integrated as opposed to keeping the space of meanings open?
NOAH, WALLACE STEVENS AND SPACE
I thought you'd appreciate re-reading Stevens' `The Man With the Blue Guitar' in the context of space and the space of context. Notice, however, the role language plays in Stevens' space. Stevens' was an experimenter and musical and linguistic precisionist. He used rhetoric and obscurity (and irony) to obscure the discursive in language for the sole purpose of distilling the sense in sound. He says, “The poem must resist the intelligence/Almost successfully.” We might call Stevens a “suggestivist” in that he distinguished between the creative and communicative aspects of language. He valued the imaginative and emotional above all else, even above rationality (though he makes clear “almost successful” which to me suggests the controlled chaos of linguistic virtuosity. His is a deeper and thus more integral thought). he writes:
"Theoretically, the poetry of thought should be the supreme poetry.… A poem in which the poet has chosen for his subject a philosophical theme should result in the poem of poems. That the wing of poetry should also be a rushing wing of meaning seems to be an extreme aesthetic good; and so in time and perhaps, in other politics, it may come to be. It is very easy to imagine a poetry of ideas in which the particulars of reality would be shadows among the poem’s disclosures."
This is why he valued the sense of sound over conventional, often stilted, meaning. Again, “I have never been able to see why what is called Anglo-Saxon should have the right to higgle and haggle all over the page, contesting the right of other words. If the poem seems to require a hierophantic phase, the phrase should pass.”
Regarding rhetoric, Stevens’ was such an active, integral mind, like Joyce’s, exhuming and mining the philosophical and philological connections intrinsic to language. Reality for Stevens was revealed in the uncovering of “resemblances,” or what I refer to as correspondence. He says, poetry, through resemblance, “enhances the sense of reality, heightens it, intensifies it” and, therefore, “the proliferation of resemblances extends an object.” Stevens was all about variations on a theme rather than on progressive forms of language (though his variations are intrinsically progressive) and, hence, like Joyce (and Vico, Hegel, Kierkegaard, Nietzsche, and Freud), his preoccupation with repetition. Repetition as a telos, as a changing perception seeking some higher universal form or truth; but that seeking must challenge the way we see and experience reality. Stevens intuitively knew that the way out of convention and context is through the emotions, and the way into emotions is through music, the sound, what Stevens called the “right sensation.” “Words, above everything else” according to Stevens, “are, in poetry, sounds.” Like the psychoanalytic process (which is why I love Stevens and Joyce), it is a seeking in words (language) a true expression of thoughts and feelings. Seeking within the deepest interiority of mind “makes us search the sound of them, for a finality [read telos], a perfection, an unalterable vibration, which it is only within the power of the acutest poet to give them.” And so, the rhetoric is that particular way of arranging and composing a poem that persuades us of particular truths as vehicles for realizing deeper reality, reality that Stevens avers “cannot be arrived at by reason alone.” That is because it is a higher, transpersonal, integral reason rooted in “the right sensation[s],” where the poet, in his bliss, is “loving them and feeling them.”
The Man With The Blue Guitar
One
The man bent over his guitar,
A shearsman of sorts. The day was green.
They said, "You have a blue guitar,
You do not play things as they are."
The man replied, "Things as they are
Are changed upon the blue guitar."
And they said to him, "But play, you must,
A tune beyond us, yet ourselves,
A tune upon the blue guitar,
Of things exactly as they are."
Two
I cannot bring a world quite round,
Although I patch it as I can.
I sing a hero's head, large eye
And bearded bronze, but not a man,
Although I patch him as I can
And reach through him almost to man.
If a serenade almost to man
Is to miss, by that, things as they are,
Say that it is the serenade
Of a man that plays a blue guitar.
Three
A tune beyond us as we are,
Yet nothing changed by the blue guitar;
Ourselves in tune as if in space,
Yet nothing changed, except the place
Of things as they are and only the place
As you play them on the blue guitar,
Placed, so, beyond the compass of change,
Perceived in a final atmosphere;
For a moment final, in the way
The thinking of art seems final when
The thinking of god is smoky dew.
The tune is space. The blue guitar
Becomes the place of things as they are,
A composing of senses of the guitar.
Four
Tom-tom c'est moi. The blue guitar
And I are one. The orchestra
Fills the high hall with shuffling men
High as the hall. The whirling noise
Of a multitude dwindles, all said,
To his breath that lies awake at night.
I know that timid breathing. Where
Do I begin and end? And where,
As I strum the thing, do I pick up
That which momentarily declares
Itself not to be I and yet
Must be. It could be nothing else.
OM: Who is noticing?
Right, what I'm getting at in the last part is just what you are pointing out--breaking down that the most subtle and obvious duality that occurs between the notion the observer and what is observed, the pattern of mind and the consciousness that notices the pattern, takes mind as an object of awareness, and then makes sense of what it sees.
This has been a real puzzle to me, which seems to send one off into the sort of vedantic formulation of I am not this, I am not that and so on and so on until you conclude you must be God. If I can see the contents of my mind and understand them, manipulate them, view them from a multitude of perspective and make sense of them, then there is an ostensible separation between the feeler and her feelings.
And this I find to be an enormously valuable psychological tool because one can take space or distance from suffering and examine it. But there is also a kind of detachment that occurs, the only end of which seems to be awareness itself, which cannot see itself at all, cannot become its own object etc. But, I dunno, I just find that to be a sort of lonely road away from life. Because when you decide you must be God because you are nothing else that can be seen or named, then you are just the only One. I get a strong fear of loneliness just thinking about that. This, I think, ties in with your point about existentialism.
But form being emptiness being form, we don't seem to need to go through all of that to begin with. I have the sensation of noticing my feelings, but if I just sort of stop and say, no actually this feeling occurs in and through a context-as-content of awareness; that is, the primary experience is just arising with the quality of awareness, then I can throw out all the Russian dolls out.
The quality of noticing and making sense of a state of thought/feeling is co arising (part and parcel) with feeling itself. The sense of watcher vs. watched is sort of an illusion of confusion.
I'm pretty sure that's what your saying too, so I think we understand each other.
NOAH, OM NOTICING THE INFINITE YOU
By form being emptiness being form, we don't seem to need to go through all of that to begin with. I have the sensation of noticing my feelings, but if I just sort of stop and say, no actually this feeling occurs in and through a context-as-content of awareness; that is, the primary experience is just arising with the quality of awareness, then I can throw out all the Russian dolls out.
My current sleep deprivation notwithstanding, if I’m correct here, you seem to be missing something in your methodology of sublating reified reality. The vedantic formulation (somewhat like the existential) is a good start but doesn’t go far enough. It strips reality of (self) existence but doesn’t strip the “One” of existence (what is called the emptiness of emptiness). There can only be loneliness when there’s a “One” or “self” to be lonely. In the heart sutra formulation, which states, “emptiness is not other than form,” “form is not other than emptiness” is not left out (as your suggesting), it’s merely sublated in the same way. As matthieu Ricard states, in `The Quantum and the Lotus,’ If you can’t speak of real existence, you cannot speak of non-existence either. Because phenomena have no intrinsic reality, they can have infinite manifestations. The wise abide neither in being nor non-being. The ultimate understanding of this is to dissipate suffering.” In the nondual, which is questionable with Atman and Brahman, there is no loneliness. As you yourself say,
“The quality of noticing and making sense of a state of thought/feeling is co arising (part and parcel) with feeling itself. The sense of watcher vs. watched is sort of an illusion of confusion.”
yeah that's what i was
yeah that's what i was saying. lol, how did we get here again?
EMOTIONS AND THE OVER-SPILLING WORLD
When we say we are conscious, what we mean is that we are conscious of something. This means we are humans being as encountering the world and, as such, as Noah suggests, we are opening up meanings that pulsate and perpetuate being. The perpetuity is the vital life force; the pulsation is experience itself as emotion. On one level sentio ergo sum: I feel therefore I am. This is the level of experience; this is the psychological. We cannot talk about the psychological without addressing emotions. According to Daniel Seigel, in the `Developing Mind,’ emotions are “the contents and processes of interpersonal communication… and they create the tone and texture of such communications.” As part of an information processing system that involves the creation and manipulation of cognitive representations (thoughts, images, memories), emotions have 1) an appraisal aspect that assigns significance on internal and external stimuli, and 2) (as an energy flow) initiate activity or arousal within the brain that correlates with mind’s activity of feeling/thinking.
The “opening up meanings” is conceptualization or language, that and how we interpret what we “see,” what we experience. We might even say that language is a stage of consciousness that stretches (intendere!) awareness beyond (but inclusive of) the body. This is cognizance: I am aware that I’m aware. I am aware (perhaps unconsciously) that I am empty of self-existence. On a psychological level, I am in a constant state of lack, and it is only through the deep luminosity of the awareness that understands “lack,” groundlessness (self-less-ness), that the dizziness of that lack subsides.
That we are encountering world means that we are constituted in relationship and, until we are aligned with that awareness and embrace it, we will forever drift away in isolation. Isolation is not being alone; it is a state of mind that feels disconnected with world (the consequence of which leads us to grasp even harder to self). As long as we are conscious, we are embodied, and no matter how far we break down form and matter, time, and space, as Noah needed to suggest, we will always exist in form, matter, time, and space. Another way of saying is that, as long as we are living in individual consciousness, until the outpouring of our last breath, we experience, or feel. Emotions make us aware of the feeling of experience, moment to moment.
Until we understand the complexities of our experience with emotion and the subtle ways that emotion is experiencing, we will continue to conceptualize living in terms of highly abstract, objectified and fractured images of life. Emotional awareness is the “that” and “how” of living experience, and the “why” (motivation) and “how” (method) we form and inform that experience. Emotion determines our state of mind, whether we are happy or unhappy, depressed or anxious, joyful and content, helpless, hopeless, or half-full or half-empty. Emotion, to a great degree, determines our worldview and whether we engage with the world according to that worldview.
Thus, it is safe to say that emotions are experienced as, as Merleau-Ponty likes to say, “a way into things.” And, most amazingly, a way into and beyond ourselves. Note the Tantric formulation: I am not you. I am something like you. I am nothing but you. This is the deep body of emotional process motioning through development, from the first finger suck to the first “no,” to the seeking of overcoming “no,” to the nothing but love. Like color, emotions are oblique expressions present-ing themselves in hues of touch. The relational separateness we strive for (autonomy/agency) and reflected in these oblique emotional shifts is equal to the intimacy in which these shifts aim. The psychological balance seems to be for me: separate but intimate. Obliqueness also reflects the many, which, if we think about it, really just means interconnectedness. That we are the many different hues of light suggests that, in the `I’s’ standing out against otherness, I reflect both this multiplicity, this difference by virtue of all other things, and my relation to it! That is, my difference from you is ultimately my nothing but you. This is the paradox of the nonduality and emotion is the wave it rides in on. I love that my separateness also reminds me of my sameness! It is also hilarious to me that we are quick to ignore that I am who I am only because you are who you are: I am by virtue of you! This interconnectedness and shifting between sameness and difference, because it is interconnectedness, must be understood as process, as a “nexus of relations” relating. And the push of this motioning is emotion. And so, I not only know my feeling of sadness is not joy; and that sadness is sadness in relation to that which isn’t sad, but that sadness is sadness by virtue of what we all, as humans being, share and have lost.
One last point. Emotions, like color, seem to resist perceptual figuration. When we experience a feeling, for example, something else, a thought, quickly takes over, which makes it difficult to identify what the feeling is; which, in turn, makes it difficult to relate to the feeling, and what the arising of that feeling is in relation to or dependent on. Feelings are indeed “a way into things,” but are never separate from those things. In fact, feelings give meaning to those things and the relationships between those things. If we cannot discern and understand these relations, we will likely be unable to skillfully navigate our self and relational worlds.
MY EMOTION IS ME AND I AM IT: RECOMMENDED BOOKS ON EMOTIONS
I believe that everyone should have a library. Books are our friends, too. As a boy, the one thing that stood out in our family’s very small apartment was my father’s modest but intriguing library. Books on mythology, Shakespeare, Rimbaud, Robert Frost, Carl Sandburg's biography of Abraham Lincoln. Most importantly, he bought me a book every birthday to ensure books would be vital to me. And they are. I recently received a letter from some very dear friends about their children’s library, and what I realized or, I should say, what I recalled, was that not only were the books I read significant for my development, but that it was my father’s giving to me the books and his passion for learning that made these jewels so precious.
And so, with that in mind, I would like to recommend some books that I feel would complement my posts on emotions. The books are: `The Big Orange Splot,’ by Daniel Pinkwater; `Are You My Mother?’ `Caps for Sale;’ `Brown Bear, What Do You See’ (from what my friend tells me, you actually might eat this one); and `The Going to Bed Book.’ `The Going to Bed Book’ is particularly curious for me and was the first book my son read when he was 3. Yes, I know, 3 sounds precocious, but to be honest, I think when he got here he had some leftover bardo or something. A real Curious George that boy is.
Excerpt from my poem, `Say’
Frazier, I’m thinking how you’re like a brother, and about Marie
as I read her poem
What the Living Do, how she seems to rest inside her brother
Johnny, now dead,
as if he’s a coat or blanket; and I’m sitting here, in the tub
or the black chair you sit in
every other Sunday, your back to the bookshelf with volumes of poets
behind you; & I’m letting
the thoughts play and reach outside themselves like peek-a-boo,
or how my older sister
Peggy would feed me when I was three turning the spoon into a train
and choo-chooing it
into my irrepressible mouth; & how I’m using the feelings
to piece together
the thoughts, the way when I was a kid I took from the shelves
my father’s books
to make roads through the apartment, as if connecting the rooms,
their separateness
too much for me to hold on too long to, and how connecting the spaces
have in some way
defined me say like those books, like the 7,000 bricks I laid
throughout my garden
"My house is me and I am it"
Oh my god, no other book have I remembered as well as The Big Orange Splot. It's actually one of my favorite books ever, even though I haven't read it since I was a tot.
Mr. Plumbean is such a great guy. He's really got the mystical wisdom down actually, but in the most practical and unassuming way. One day the universe just drops a can of orange paint onto his suburban house. (Wake up buddy!)
All his neighbors want him to quickly get rid of the splot because they are up tight and afraid suburbanites who can't handle anything unexpected or non-conforming in their world. Mr. Plumbean may have been like that to begin with, and about has his mind made up to just repaint his roof the same boring suburban color as everyone else, but as he stares at that blob of orange, he finds himself awakening to a deep passion for life! Suddenly driven to make the world he wants to inhabit, he turns his entire house into a crazy, beautiful jungle.
Well this sure does freak out all the neighbors, and they get together in their little conformity committee and start sending over representatives one at a time to talk some sense into Mr. Plumbean. But he isn't defensive, and when his neighbors come over he just offers them some lemonade and chats with them late into the night. He turns out to be a master of compassionately recognizing others (as I think is implied). I guess in some ways he's a little bit like a good therapist ;). "My house is me and I am it" he says. How's that for a bit of non-dual wisdom! I am the world I make and the world that makes me. Or as you say, my emotion is me and I it; but I can change how I feel and build myself a freer structure.
One by one all the neighbors who try to talk Mr. Plumbean out of his self expression and joy, his frightening individuality, are instead recognized and inspired to live their dreams. Pretty soon the entire neighborhood is transformed. Each house becomes the living, loving art of its occupant; and in that bewilderingly beautiful diversity of form, in its celebration, all the neighbors finally see each other.
I'm glad teo will have Mr. Plumbean in his library. Although I know the house he'll grow up in is already built from the same wisdom.
I NOAH AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN
It's kind of like giving birth to ourselves through each other, through the intimacy of each other's intention to give and receive, to stay open and listen; to take the words of communication seriously enough to not take them too seriously; to know our words wrap around each other's hearts and can potentially touch the life force the heart speaks to; to seek in our communication each other's happiness and wisdom; to meet each other's needs for recognition, understanding, and elevation; to soothe into each other's consciousness the pure breath of awareness.
The man bent over his
The man bent over his guitar,
A shearsman of sorts. The day was green.
They said, "You have a blue guitar,
You do not play things as they are."
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A tune beyond us, yet ourselves,
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